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woah!
Try not to get too emotionally involved, and don't let them rope you into doing too much. And certainly don't rely on them to help with anything crucial for your own wedding, when the time comes!
Hope they're pretty laid back people, and that things come together despite the present appearances!
Wow. Best of luck. This might be a little cold but just be glad it's not your wedding. They did it to themselves.
I'm with MichelleMyBell - It's not like you never offered to help. At this point, just sit back and enjoy the show.
Yikes! Well, it may not turn out perfectly or super organized, so let's just hope in the end nobody's super high strung. They have nobody to blame but themselves! That's definitely the kind of stuff you don't leave til last minute! I agree with daydreamwanderer, don't let them wrangle you into so many last minute things you end up overwhelmed, too!
But ya know, there are plenty of unorganized, non-type A people out there.
Keep your phone turned off and start to concentrate on your own wedding! They got themselves into this mess and it is not your place to bail them out. Its not healthy, however, to spend all of your waking hours worrying about them and the next time they'll pop up for a "favor" so politely tell them that you are currently busy planning your own wedding (ahead of time, at that) and it will be a beautiful event no matter what happens. Then, grab your FH and thank him for being so great!
Good luck :)
Wow, at this point I would just sit back and enjoy the show. Are they always like this? Disorganized?
I say that because I volunteered to help my FSIL and I should have known better. She's always been a fly by the seat of her pants, but I MISSED her wedding ceremony because I was setting up her reception (I was the only one she asked so I had a LOT of work to do) and then because the ceremony was an hour late the reception timeline was off and so I had to become the DOC...telling them when to serve dinner, to hold off with the toast until the cake cutting, etc.
It's so frustrating when people act like this because they are putting other organized people in a bad situation. That being said, this might be a preview of your family life moving forward.
I have decided to sit back and enjoy the show, however if they ask me to do something, I will help. I dont want to be rude.
And yes I did worry a little, because some of the guests are relatives, and if its a disaster will they make the effort to mine? or will they think that will be a disaster wedding too! but im trying not to think of that. I know relatives will come because they appreciate our family.
FH and I were having a good chuckle and are going to be taking the video camera so we can document all the hiccups :) as well as the occasion of course :P
... whoa. This makes me feel so much better about my own planning, no lie. It sounds like they wanted everyone to do everything for them and it didn't quite work out that way. Do your parents want the arch white? That would tick me off, because it takes SO much time to strip paint if they decide they don't like it. Make them buy another one and have them paint it themselves.
as much as i understand your concern for your parents - none of his wedding is your issue to deal with and let your brother and his incompentant bride to be deal with the consequences.
hopefully worst case senario - i will be a big jumbled party with a wedding attached... thats if they book a minister that is (insert evil smilie)
wow - your dad is the minister - thats cool!
well at least you know at the very least they will get married.... provided they apply for the license :D
enjoy the crazyness of it and learn from it
yeah dad wouldnt let a hiccup like that go away. I do know the "ceremony" will be flawless, dad puts a lot of time into things. Its just the reception and before hand that will be the circus!
Im getting all excited now!!! oh dear...
I feel like if it was my younger brother, I would jump in and help out as much as I can, despite what his fiance says. Family should always stick together no matter what. But if you have alot of planning to do on your own then its understandable, some people are just horrible with planning and others are good at it. This is just what i'd do but everybody is different
no way!
I would stay hands off as much as possible from here on out. The wedding will really reflect most on the bride and the couple if things don't work out well and it sounds like you have been more than generous offering to help!
I hope things smooth out soon, and I'm sure you're doing the right thing, watching from a distance!
Eh, I think it could still be a great event, there is still a month and it's not like they haven't even talked to a caterer or anything. Hair and make up are optional (no matter what magazines say) as are groomsmen's shirts. It's probably going to be more hectic than optimal and not as convenient for the guests as is polite but it's likely to be fine!
Update ladies:
Ive been asked to do the photography for the wedding...
I did say yes as they are in a bind.. the evil side of me was tempted to say no... but Ill do it, as I have a really good camera.. but ive only ever taken still shots of landscape really well.. not humans. Guess Ill be brushing up on the weekend.
Just to give a different point of view- while some things do sound a little scary- other people have different levels of organization and different views of what type of wedding they are picturing.
If you would ask my FMIL and FSIL, our wedding is not nearly as organized as my FSIL's was. She had a gorgeous formal wedding organized in under 6 months, while we are taking 13 months to organize a much simpler, less formal event. I know that we are making them nervous with our planning style, but we are very different. Some people have a hard time asking for help- I know that I am very guilty of that! I have definitely learned in our own planning experience that when you get overwhelmed, you inconvenience others even more. Honestly, it all is a learning experience, since most of us have no idea what we are getting into when we start the whole planning process.
I mean no disrespect to the OP in this post, and I am sure it is frustrating trying to help them, and you still seem extremely supportive of the couple, but I just want to give the perspective of someone whose wedding has turned into a gigantic snowball and found out that planning is much more complicated than I initially expected.
I have only a few suggestions.
1)they're family, be loving and help TO A CERTAIN EXTENT. I think "watching a show" type mentality esp if they're family and people you love and they're failing, is kinda sad. I never would rejoice in seeing my own sister fail at something.
2)at this late date, what I'd do is give them the website of fiftyflowers.com . They can order all the flowers pre-made and bouts and have them sent. No time to secure a florist, but have bro's FI call them asap.
3)Give them the numbers of some good event planners/wedding consultants asap. They need help. They need to HIRE help. Even for small weddings, you need organization and they're probably ovewhelmed.
Doing just these two little things might be huge for them. Just be supportive. I'm sorry they lost their focus and are having troubles with such a close timeframe before their wedding.
Bellenga; I know i sound a bit harsh by saying watch the show..
But really.. I have offered, whenEVER they needed it. All they needed to do was call. I am helping, they called last night and asked if I would do the photography. I said yes and the FSIL wasnt exactly polite in asking.
We know they will land on their feet and yes the wedding will be a good family event. Its just that we are going to panic mode, only JUST realising how unorganised they really are. They have always been saying they are in control all along. So really as bad as it may seem, they did have the time and if things dont go okay, they will know why.
Just when I know my wedding plans arent exactly going to plan, It makes me not worry as much because I know things could be worse.
Also, Mum and I have put emergency plan into stage, and we are helping as much as we can do and we have called my brother and told him what we feel. He is now including is on everything and we are lightening the load. well trying too.
Thanks for the comments ladies
OY! if you're doing the photography? make sure to check your pictures (zoom in and out constantly)...moving people blur, A LOT! 'Perfect looking', cute and beautiful shots are a big heartache when they come out all out of focus! and for how they have acted, be ready to have some complaints, no matter how hard you tried to help them.
Good luck!
P.S. Don't invest yourself so much emotionally.
Wow, good on you for doing so much to help, I agree with the above, don't be surprised if they complain about the wedding photos. Even at your best, if you don't have much experience with photographing people, obviously your shots wont be as great as a professional with years of experience.
On the up side, just think how great your wedding will look in comparison! (Lol, jk, thats mean.)
Just a few tips for photographing weddings, I have photographed two semi-professionally...
1. Invest in another memory card or two (the bigger the better) The more pictures you take the better your odds are of catching great shots. One wedding I did I only had one. Well, after 500 pictures the wedding was still happening and my card was full, granted everyone was very drunk at that point so I'm sure they appreciated NOT catching that on film, but it wasn't a fun spot to be in.
2. If lighting permits I suggest using the "action" or "sports" mode on your camera, it will let you take alot of pictures in sequence, so you are less likely to miss key moments. I'm a decent photographer but the pressure of getting great pics was HUGE so I didn't want to take any chances.
3. Make sure you get pictures of the details (if they have them), centerpieces, the food, the tables etc. It's something that they'll appreciate later.
4. When doing portraits, check the top and bottom of the frame for alot of extra space, you can zoom in alot more than you think. And whenever possible stand on something and get ABOVE them, the pictures are very flattering.
Examples:
You can check out my myspace http://www.myspace.com/jrosephotographytx to check out more pictures of what I've done, like I said, I'm no professional, I just play one on myspace. ;)
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Wow! I'm getting so nervous about my own wedding planning. It's very hard for me to ask for help as well, but at this point I might have to. I hope your FSIL can get it together on time to enjoy her own wedding.
I know my FSIL offered to be our photographer she has a very good camera, I said yes you can be the extra photographer. I want to hire a pro because pros know what's traditional. Like it's traditional to take pics of the wedding party getting ready and FSIL might not know that. Plus pros usually come in a team of two. I do have a wedding planning book that lists which pics to take at the ceremony and reception but I don't want to have to give someone a list. I want them to know what they are doing. Good luck, lot's of luck.
o00 thanks for the tips!
I have 4 x56mb memory cards, so I hope I dont run out.
I have had some experience in capturing live events, as I worked doing PR for a few years at a private school - which means capturing kids are great because well their kids! they dont care how they look lol
I have tho been studying soo many differant photos for hints, tips, photography websites and im feeling a little confident. Also im bringing my friend katie along, who is studying photographry at uni, which making me feel comfortable.
I just wish tho they had got this organised before hand in advanced.
However, two weeks to go and i am pleased to say, the groomsmen now have shirts!
Wow, I mean I am a very "go with the flow" kinda person, but ....WOW! I think that's all I can say. ESPECIALLY because I know it's happening in country Western Australia. WOW! Even in Perth it would be hard to organise all of that at the last minute, so add the country aspect and...WOW!
You are awesome for stepping up and helping out. The evil in me totally would have "I'll think about it" and not tell them until like 3 or 4 days before that I'll do it, but then again, I am a little bit evil like that! I hope it turns out OK and they don't turn around and try and blame you for things if they don't like it, etc.
I'm sure you'll do an amazing job. I remeber that Mrs Avocado actually has some really good photography tips on her blog: http://thatwifeblog.com/photography/
thanks elisagirl :) being a country bumpkin can suck.
I thought the evil in me would win... but the sister nicety came out.. he is my brother, he maybe a goof but we cant win on whose your brother can we.
Im actually looking forward to it, and I dont think they will turn around and blame me, my brother wouldnt but the witch in the wardrobe might! but who cares :P
Thanks for the blog link girlie :) its awse to have another WA girl in the mix, and I can talk about how sucky some WA vendors are! jk.
it went ok... part from sister in law not being able to get 'drunk' before her wedding.... but I had fun and lost my engagement ring on the same day.. but found it after dad used a metal detector.
I was going to do the photography but they found someone else, they found the shirts just before the wedding. I found organised the hairdresser on the thursday night of the wedding (wedding saturday) and arranged the florist and got the BM dresses drycleaned because they were in express post bags... and she forgot her makeup and the timing of the reception actually turned out great.
Mum and I ended up with a friend cooking cupcakes most of the friday night that the bride and her bms to go to.
needless to say... it was a good event and all panned out in the end and nothing marrred the day.
they still havent sent out thank you cards tho and the wedding was in feb.
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My brother lives 4hrs away with his partner and they have decided to have the wedding back here in our family city and have it in my parents backyard. Which is cool (my parents property is very pretty, country garden theme with archways and always looks pristine). He got engaged 3 weeks after my partner and I did and set the date before us to have it on Feb 6, which is fine by us, as we decided to have a long engagement to be able to save for the wedding and have the wedding we want.
There were big talks as according to them it was going to be a well organised wedding.
Well after this talk alot of things have gone wrong for them and annoyed the family quite considerably.
The week before FH & I's engagement party. My brother called and asked if I would be able to do the invitations for them. I was really pleased that he asked as I have just started doing invitaitons for about 4 sets of friends and I felt honored to do theirs even tho it is time consuming. So I decided I would make mock ups to show them when they drove down for our engagment party.
Our engagement party was a success and I felt pretty proud of my mock ups and have even used one for our wedding. I presented it to them on the Sunday the day after and I was brutally rebuffed by his future wife when I went to show them and she said "oh i already asked my sister to do the invitations as she is a graphic designer" I was a bit like "oh no worries". My FH could see i was a bit upset as I had spent many an hour doing them as well as coordinating our own engagement party. So I said to myself, I wont do anything for them unless they ask twice.
Anyway well since then, we have heard how their going to do this and to that and everything they have organised has fallen into a big heap.
The invitations they sent came with my name spelt wrong my grandparents didnt recieve an invitation also the RSVP date was wrong.
They asked if I could go around to the hotels and ask if they could hire glassware as they didnt like the ones the caterer was offering. I did the research and came back with it would be cheaper to buy rather than hire. They were fine with this and appreacitive that I had asked.
Ive heard nothing from them until last thursday in regards to wedding things, and I got a phonecall asking if they could stay at our place for the weekend. I was like no worries.
We cancelled our plans for the saturday so we could help them.
Since they came down on the weekend I have found out that with
26 days to go
They havent booked a photographer.
She hasnt booked a hairdresser for her and her bridal party.
They havent purchased shirts for the groomsmen.
They havent booked accomodation for people to stay.
Half the guests havent replied.
They havent confirmed the caterer with numbers and also havent paid a deposit
and they critisicised mum and dads garden arch way and told them it needed to be painted. (it is a natural wood and they have asked for it to be painted white) my dad is 63 so climbing up ladders really isnt his thing. so my FH has volunteered to do it.
They havent confirmed with the musicians that they booked (a jazz trio) or paid them any money.
The future sister in law also hasnt organised her flowers for her and her bridesmaids.
My mum is going a little crazy with the lack of organisation and my mum hasnt taken over or control as she is constantly rebuffed by my brother. Also Mum and Dad cannot cover much of the costs due their financial situation and my brother understands this. I just cant see how they are going to pull it all together on the day, without it being a shambles, or having disgruntled vendors or leaving mum and dad to pay for everything.
I hope they can get it sorted, but the chances of it running ok are slim.
Anyway *sigh* its going to be an interesting wedding!!!