Post # 1
Background: My brother got married in March 2012 to a lovely girl whom I didn’t really get along with all that well (thats all resolved!) Anywho, he asked her to make me a BM and she did – though it was not a good proccess for me and I didn’t exactly enjoy it.
But the other day he called me, and during our conversation he asked me “So why don’t I have a job for the wedding?” I said because FI was only having his best friend as his best man and one of his two brothers as his GM. Then he said “So when are you gunna ask DW to be your MOH? (jokingly-ish)” And I told him Im having BFF as my MOH and FSIL as my other BM, before he said “But DW is already doing the job of the MOH” to which I told him no, she’s taking me to one expo on the weekend, BFF/MOH has been dress shopping with me, knows all my plans, talks to me constantly and is helping with everything she can.
I know he was kinda joking, but he’s the kind of guy who really means it, he only jokes incase something goes wrong so he can laugh about it and say he was joking all along.
My question is this: Did you feel obliged to include people or family who included you in their wedding? How did you deal with upset family members over not being a part in the wedding?
Post # 3
I think it’s always nice to include siblings in the wedding party, but it’s ultimately up to you. Sounds like your brother might be getting his feelings hurt, though as he has mentioned it to you. Maybe you can talk to a parent for advice?
Post # 4
Could you get to them to do a reading or toast so they feel included?
Post # 5
@FutureMrsHallam: sounds like he is feeling left out. I would have something special for them or at least him to do. I would be hurt if my sister had a bridal party that didnt include me.
Post # 6
@FutureMrsHallam: How many BMs did she have? If she had way more than you it’s not exactly comparing apples to apples.
I lilke @NekoKitten: ‘s idea of having your brother do a reading or toast. I always think a reading is a good role for an opposite sex sibling.
Post # 7
I don’t think there is any obligation.
Post # 8
Nah. My older brother didn’t have a bridal party so I asked my brothers & SIL if they minded not being in it. They didn’t care. They’ll still be in photos, walk down the aisle, and invited to the bachelor and bachelorette parties.
MIL hinted about her nieces, who are like siblings to FI, but I left the decision up to him.
We have two on each side, one sibling and one bff.
Oh but his cousins are doing a reading.
Post # 9
I’m getting my brother to MC. I didn’t want to force my FI to put anybody in the wedding party. The only must was my 2 nieces and nephew.
Post # 10
I just re-read your post. Since you have his sister you should prob have your brother, or your SIL at the very least. I feel like keeping it uneven and not adding her is kinda crumby.
Post # 11
My brother and I are pretty close, so I told FI that I wanted him to be a GM. That’s my one request in regards to his stuff for the wedding and he’s obliged. In return, I’ve told him that if he wants his sister to stand on my side, that I’d be happy to have her as a BM. They’re relationship is a bit shaky, so it’s quite possible he won’t want her playing a role. As of right now, we have her as the ring bearer bearer. He wants our cat to have the rings, but we all know he’s not going to walk down of his own accord. His sister would be the one to carry him.
Post # 12
@NekoKitten: I love this idea, I hadnt thought of it but he would love that!
@paula1248: She had 5 initially, cut down to four when the MOH dropped out.
@Bubbles42: I dont get how its really that uneven though, considering she is my siblings wife – my BM is FI’s sister. Its pretty different.
My main issue is that he has two brothers of his own, as well as a sister. However I have two brothers, two sisters and a half brother. There are way too many people to add everyone. If I add him and SIL, then I have to add my other brother, and my sisters, and my half brother, and I cant have all my siblings without his, so thats another brother. And I couldnt have one SIL without the others, so thats another few on top of that. He also grew up extremely closely with his aunty’s kids, who live next door to his parents, so theres two girls and a boy there (they were so close they were all a part of FSIL’s wedding)
Where does it end?
Post # 13
@HonoraryNerd: That is such a cute idea! I love my fur babies!!
Post # 14
@FutureMrsHallam: well you didn’t share all that info! I say have them doing a reading or toast or have him usher.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t feel obligated to include either of them as a bridal party member. IMHO, being a sibling doesn’t automatically mean you have to include them. As PPs have suggested, if they’re feeling left out, I would have them do a toast or a reading during the ceremony.
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
@FutureMrsHallam: Feel no obligation to have someone in your wedding you don’t absolutely love. If you and his DW had a tumultuous relationship, a wedding will only bring out the worst!
For what it’s worth, anyone I know who isn’t chosen to be in a wedding is SO RELEIVED. No one I know actually wants to be in a wedding, the time, the money, the stress, the awful dresses… maybe because we’re 30?