Post # 1
Let me start by saying I love my brother. I will always be there for him no matter what…but that’s the thing, it’s not fully reciprocated. I have no doubt my brother loves me, but to put it bluntly: he’s a manchild.
He’s known about our wedding for 6 months. Anytime I try to ask if he’ll be able to come, he comes up with a wishy-washy answer. It’s changed from “I don’t know”, “yes”, “we’ll see”, and “I have to save money.”
We are having a “destination” wedding. It’s in the same state, but different city. All of my family is driving there, but he insitst on flying. Even though my mom said he can carpool with her. The cost of the flight is $150.
The men are wearing tuxes, I gave him the option of renting a tux or wearing his own suit. The tux rental fee is $150.
He wouldn’t have to worry about hotel fees because my mom has rented a 3 bedroom vacation rental.
He just has to cover his food/daily activities, flight, and potentially a tux. High cost: $400 Cheap version: $250
He spends his money on booze and weed. He doesn’t have kids. He doesn’t have a girlfriend/ex-wife alimony. He has a job (not working minimum wage).
You would think he is 19 from the sound of it, but you’d be wrong. He is 40 years old. I’m always there for him if he needs it. He’s woken me up at 2 a.m. to talk about girl toubles. I’ve taken care of his dog (who tore up my carpet) for two weeks when he’s out of town. I even drove 2 hours to see him on weekends when he had a stint in jail.
I just feel so disappointed and hurt at his lack of effort and caring.
Post # 2
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Very very lame.
I think I would have to let him know how hurt I felt about this. Not as in big fight or guilt trip, but just a statement of fact.
“I gave you a lot of notice and this means a lot to me. I love you very much and wanted you there. I am deeply hurt and disappointed.”
He sucks. 🙁
Post # 4
SprinkleDonut: have an honest talk with him, letting him know how much you’d like to have him there and if there’s anything that could positivly influence his decision.
is it possible that it’s not about the money but something else? has he gone to other relative’s weddings in the past? or is he just a guy that doesn’t enjoy them all that much (for example because he doesn’t believe in marriage)… does he get along with FI? will there be people at your wedding he doesn’t get along with? (like an ex-gf… an aunt he doesn’t like… his boss….)
Post # 5
SprinkleDonut: I must say this is one of my fears with my brother – not coming to my wedding.
I’d have a chat with him about it. Try and stay calm and don’t guilt him – he’s a grown man and has to come to the realisation that you only see your little sister get married once and he’d be a fool to miss it.
But that also depends on how he is with confrontation and things being suggested. <br />My brother would likely flip out if we were in this situation and I made a move at all – it would probably come down to my mum persuading him and ‘making it worth his while’. It just depends on the day and which way the wind is blowing! (FYI, I love my brother hugely, he is growing up and learning how family is important).
Good luck with this.
Post # 6
Kili: It’s only family coming to the wedding. No exes, strangers, or uncomfortable situations to deal with. My fiance and him get along really well, so I know it’s not that.
He didn’t go to my other brother’s wedding. So I guess I should have seen this coming. My other brother got married at the courthouse, so he thought it wasn’t a big deal if he skipped out on it.
I’ve talked to my mom about it. She’s talked to him about it. He tells her he’ll go, but when I directly ask he’s non-committal.
I’m just sad because my other brother won’t be able to attend because he’ll be deployed. I wanted at least one of my brothers to attend.
I’ve thought about paying for him, but we are sooo tight on money. And I partially feel like he’s an adult who should shoulder the responsibility. And I shouldn’t feel like I have to beg my own brother to come to my wedding.
Post # 7
RhianfaHW: Ugh. This exactly. I told him I need to know so I can order him a boutonniere and pay for the chair rental.
He’s very much like Polly from Along Came Polly. If he has to budget and put aside money for something far in advance he can’t do it, but spontaneously plan something and he’s in.