Post # 1
So bees, I am at a loss for words (though I have a feeling this post may be long, so maybe I’m not at a loss for words haha)…
As some of you know, I’ve had a rough time with the wedding planning. It’s supposed to be a happy, exciting time, with stress for sure, but this is getting ridiculous.
The first issue was that Future Sister-In-Law freaked out that she wasn’t in the bridal party (even though none of the siblings are, that was Fiance and my decision since he has two sisters and I have three brothers).
Then my best friend of 17 years EMAILED me to tell me she had some furniture to buy and wasn’t going to be a bridesmaid. We ended up asking one of my best friends to fill the role, she’s the wife of one of the groomsmen (FI’s cousin) and the only reason we didn’t ask her in the first place was because of how Future Sister-In-Law might react… but we’ve given up on catering to her reactions, it’s our wedding after all! Future Sister-In-Law did not take too kindly to hearing that Cousin’s Wife was in the bridal party (“I am not even second choice?!”)…
Yesterday I learned that because of some nonsense that need not be mentioned in detail here, that my brother and his family will not be coming to the wedding. Basically there’s a rift between his wife and my parents, and they’re not coming now.
Seriously?? I can’t even imagine not attending a sibling’s wedding. Rewind a few years, Fiance and I spent a fortune to go to my brother’s wedding in the UK (we were students and were not exactly in the financial place to be doing that, but we made it work because it’s family), and now they’re not going to come to ours over something so stupid?! AND I heard through the grapevine that they were complaining that the hotel we booked is too expensive! ($119 per night including breakfast!!?!)… GRRR.
It infuriates me to think that in ALL of these cases, it boils down to people making it about themselves and not just being there for Fiance and me to celebrate the next step of our lives together.
Post # 3
aww I’m really sorry to hear about your troubles while wedding planning. It’s really heartbreakin that your brother won’t be attending! I totally understand though. My brother also won’t be attending my wedding mainly because his wife is totally controlling him. I’ve really pushed the whole situation out of my mind and am okay with it now. I hope you are able to cope with it, I know it’s really sad 🙁
Post # 4
Thanks whfields, I’m sorry to hear that you’re in the same boat… and sounds like a similar reason as to why! But how long did it take you to get to that point? My mom keeps telling me not to let it bother me, but how can I not?!
Post # 5
Wait, your bridesmaid has to buy furniture and so can’t be a BM? Isn’t that the definition of a non sequitur?
In terms of your brother, I would call him and speak with him directly. If his wife and your parents don’t get along – that is ashame. However, then he needs to go, himself to your wedding. Your siblings!
I’m so sorry you need to be going through this. Best of luck!
Post # 6
Aw, I’m sorry, that is really crappy. It sounds like everyone is a bit self absorbed. That might of been a decision he made out of anger toward your parents, not realizing who the actual victim is. I hope your brother changes his mind.
Post # 7
I guess I always knew deep down that he might not come because I know how his wife is and I’ve heard enough stories from my mother. He didn’t attend my college graduation either. I didn’t want to admit it because I wanted him there so badly. I have been telling myself that it’s because of the distance and the cost (i live on the east coast while he lives in the west), so that’s made me feel better…
When I heard from my MOM (not even my brother told me until the last minute when I already knew), I was really sad! But realized that you’re going to have friends and family surrounding you that LOVE you so much…and it’s really his loss that he won’t see you getting married. You’re going to have a beautiful, wonderful day!
Post # 8
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I agree with you that it’s much easier for someone to tell you to keep your chin up and focus on the good things, but that’s just about all that can be done in the case of your Bridesmaid or Best Man. Maybe you can give your brother a little time, and then call him up and speak to him directly. Let him know how you feel, and ask him to come for you. I hope everything works out.
Post # 9
Yeah… I think there’s more to the story on the Bridesmaid or Best Man front – the worst part of that is that I had asked this girl to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, and she said no but would be a Bridesmaid or Best Man… then 5 months of planning and some monogrammed Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts later… got an email about it while I was in another country with no shoulder to cry on!!! But I’ve made my peace with that set-back, and tried to focus on the positive…
As for my brother… I don’t even know where to start. One minute I’m sad, the next I’m furious… I emailed him today and just let him know that I hope things can get worked out because it saddens me to think of my wedding day without my whole family present.
I understand if his wife decides not to come, given the issues that are present between her and my parents. But he’s my brother.
I’m frustrated because there’s been a whole lot of nonsense on FaceBook from my brother’s wife lately, saying that my parents won’t ever see their grandson again, and I know it’s caused a lot of hurt… in fact, that’s how I found out they weren’t coming… she had posted to FaceBook that she was really bummed out that their vacation plans were changing because she was “sooo looking forward to going to LA” (background: they live in the UK, and were spending 10 days in LA before “stopping by” for the weekend on the East Coast on their way home to attend the wedding…). But her comment about being bummed out had nothing to do with missing the wedding. 🙁
I am going to try not to let it bother me, but as of right now, it definitely is. It’s just a shame that all of these things have turned what should be an exciting time into really a pretty miserable time. And it sucks.
Post # 10
I’m sorry, that sucks. The thing is weddings don’t improve people. All of our friends and families who don’t care too much about important events or are dramatic or this or that… are that exact same way when it comes to your wedding. 🙁 If your brother and you have never been close… of if you and his wife don’t get along… or if your brother’s family and your parents have been having a vendetta of some sort it is not too surprising. Ugh it sucks though.
Post # 11
Yeah, I’ve been learning that weddings bring out the worst in people, while you can only hope for the best. I guess I have to lower my expectations of people so I won’t be disappointed.
Post # 12
That really stinks about your brother and his wife. Sounds like there is a lot of drama with the wife and your parents.
Normally I would say the brother should still come to the wedding, but thats a huge trip to take by yourself.
Post # 13
Definitely talk to your brother and tell him how you feel. See if he can make the trip to see you get married, even if his wife doesn’t. If all else fail, at least you can let him how you feel about missing your big day. I doubt you’d jump on the next plane if they want you at their next big event if they don’t at least put in the efforts now. Regardless, you’re going to have a fabulous time so forget them!
Post # 14
The worst part is that they’ve already booked their flights – from england to los angeles, then los angeles to the east coast for a couple days before back to england… and they’re going to cancel it?! Whatever. Bah.
Post # 15
I just googled “brother won’t attend wedding” and this thread was one of the first to pop up. Today I was informed that my brother won’t come to my wedding because “he has to work”. The wedding is in a year and a half! I spoke to my SIL too, and I got a very firm “no, we aren’t coming”. They have a son who would be 5 at the time, and I wanted him to be the ring bearer.
Just thought you would gain some comfort from knowing that others are dealing with the same issues as you. Although, my brother won’t attend because he’s a chef at a fancy golf club (seasonal) and taking a weekend off would simply put the place in ruins. :::smirk:::
My father is furious. What do your parents have to say on the matter?