- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 2011
This is just a nightmare.
My fiance and I got engaged about a month ago, getting married Dec 3. He just turned 21 in January and I turned 24, we’re both still in culinary school, both working full time. From every interaction that I’ve had with his family up until the engagement, they’ve been absolutely wonderful. His mother and father treated me like family from day 1, his younger brother and I bonded instantly through our love of computer games. It was amazing! Enter, the older brother: He’s my age, with a degree and just recently got his first “adult” job and thinks he’s just the most experienced, responsible, wise….you get the idea. At the same time, he constantly seems to need recognition for “growing up” and doing the things everyone does as they transition from young adult to being responsible on your own. They just moved in together, because his older brother moved to town and wanted a room mate. Perfectly fine. We didn’t get along, we didn’t not get along.
We get engaged and his brother turns into this huge JERK! Yes, we kept it quiet from him for a while, but it was because we were anticipating this reaction. He called my fiance a child, he said he wasn’t old enough, he said I wasn’t reliable (an issue had risen about a month before our engagement, in which my fiance and i broke up very briefly, realized we were both being stupid, sought counseling and fixed it), my family were the only one’s excited about this and his parents and family and everyone around him were objecting to the wedding (false. 1) my mother has barely spoken to me about it, because my parents just recently divorced and 2) his mother has been asking me more questions and been more enthusiastic in the planning than I have). THEN HE TELLS MY FIANCE’S MOTHER THAT HE EXPECTS TO BE THE BEST MAN! AGH!
We addressed the issue, and basically explained that 1) he and his brother had agreed when they were younger that they wouldn’t choose each other as bestmen, so their younger brother did not feel left out. 2) he’s been incredibly disrespectful to me, why would we give him a place of honor in the wedding when he is so vehemently objecting?
My fiance has been pushed to the point of not even inviting his brother anymore, which I’m objecting to…I refuse to create a rift in this family just as I’m about to join it. I kill his brother with kindness, I’m trying so hard to be a better person about this whole ordeal, but it’s made me wonder: is his family as excited as they’re acting, is this something I will have to deal with for the rest of our marriage? And what do I do now to make this situation work out?