Post # 1
So my brother (who is 19) dated a really nice girl for about a year, until she cheated on him and then broke up with him. He was heartbroken, but finally started to get over it after a few months. They weren’t really speaking at all after their breakup. But then the day before Christmas Eve, he ran into her in public when he was out with friends, two of which were girls. She freaked out! Had a public tantrum, crying & everything, made a huge scene and then stormed out. This is when it all started. My brother wakes up early christmas eve day, to about 30 frantic text messages, multiple voicemails and missed calls. He was so upset he drove to my house before 8am to ask me what to do. I couldn’t even believe the texts she sent him. She basically ruined our whole Christmas by calling & texting, him, me, and my mom constantly, and eventually showing up at my parents house. The next few months, she was always seen driving by the house or just showing up to “drop off” a gift.
My brother tried to be nice to her and did eventually hang out with her as friends a few times, but it always ended with her screaming and yelling at him. She constantly texted me (she never even talked to me when they were dating really). She showed up at my house all the time & wouldn’t leave, and would just cry and cry on the couch. Her therapist wanted to hospitalize her. Since then, she has stopped texting me (thank god) since I just stopped responding. But she constantly sends my mom facebook messages. She messages my mom every time my brother doesn’t respond to her text within 30 minutes. Everyone is so sick of it! Besides that, she posts really nasty things about my brother all over facebook. It’s just getting really old and it’s really causing a lot of stress to everyone.
Recently, she’s started drinking heavily. She keeps telling my brother that it’s his fault and he can stop her behavior by getting back together with her. She tells this to me & my mom as well. I wish my brother would just ignore her whenever she contacts him & my mom as well.. but honestly everyone is scared of what she will do. My FI hates the huge amount of stress this has brought to my family and I honestly wish my brother just never met her. She never acted this way when they were together.. I just don’t know how our family should be handling this. Should everyone just not respond to her? Any advice?
Post # 3
Maybe it’s time to contact her parents. I wouldn’t be like “hey, your daughter is psycho and it’s bugging the crap out of me”, but I would definitely call them and mention that you, and your whole family, are concerned for her health and safety. Maybe they don’t even realize this is happening. You guys really can’t help her; it’s up to her family. No 19 year old deserves the pressure that she is putting on him.
Post # 4
@NurseMarriedToAFarmer: i agree. someone in her family needs to step in.
Post # 5
@pecanpie: Your brother needs to change his cell phone number. Second, everyone needs to block her on FB. If she keeps coming around the house, it’s time for legal action against her. Her parents need to be made aware of what she is doing as well. Her therapist too.
Post # 6
Contact the police and start a paper trail. This is harassment.
Post # 7
@LuvMySailor: Agree with this 100%…and everything the PP’s have said! No family should have to put up with this, and HER family needs to get involved and assist her.
Post # 8
I’m glad everyone is saying to contact her family! My dad has been wanting to call her parents, but he’s been nervous about what they’re going to say. Her therapist did talk to her mother about hospitalizing her, but they declined so I don’t know what they think about the situation. I honestly thought that this would have stopped by now.. but she seems to think that they are still “together” in some weird way. If he even adds a female as a friend on facebook she messages them to find out how he knows them. It’s awful.
Post # 9
And if you contact her parents and nothing changes, I’d get a restraining order against her.
Post # 10
You said she stopped contacting you because you kept ignoring her.
Your mom and brother should do the same. If they are only contacting her because they are worried, they should tell her parents to keep an eye out because they are worried and then end communication.
Post # 11
@pecanpie: Try to put it into perspective to your brother that this.is.not.healthy. Give him a tangible example, and tell him he has the power to end it, and needs to summon up the courage to let her go. Should he decide to cut ties with her, he should call the therapist in advance of that, and let her know what time he intends to do so. He should give courtesy to her family to let them know the same so they can support her emotionally and watch her. He should gather together all of the correspondence and send it to the therapist & family, and if getting police involved is something he’s interested in, he should send it to them as well. But he has to be convinced this is what he wants, and he needs to stick to his guns. (You know what? Scratch the “guns” part. Do not introduce guns to this girl)
Post # 12
I actually read a book that reminds me of this (Every Last One by Anna Quindlen). Seriously, contact her family out of concern.
Post # 13
I agree with PPs. At this point, I would start the paper trail ASAP. Don’t delete the FB messages or texts. Local law enforcement needs to know. It may seem like a big step to take, but this is a person who is already known to be mentally unstable. After law enforcement is aware, I definitely think talking to her parents would help, and hopefully the therapist will be involved as well.
You and your family need to take appropriate actions to protect yourselves though. If you are ok with going to her parents, then you NEED to establish a relationship with law enforcement because she may see talking to her parents as an effort to “keep her and your brother apart.” She could have a poor reaction, and you need to be prepared for that. I’m not trying to be scary, but I’d rather you be safe.
Post # 14
Also, before you go to the police, if you decide to do that, your mom and brother both need to tell her to stop contacting them. If they haven’t told her and instead keep responding to her like normal, it’s a stretch to call it harassment. Not wanting to talk to someone isn’t enough if they don’t know you don’t want to talk to them.
Post # 15
Your dad needs to contact her parents ASAP. They may not realize the extent of her sickness and it could spur them on to get appropriate help. Also take the others advise and document and save what you may someday need to get a restraining order. The thing is if she’s become unhinged they don’t usually work. You really need to involve her family, just make sure you approach them with concern anything else could put them on the defensive. It may be a hard thing for them to accept that she needs help.
Post # 16
Obviously your brother feels too sorry for her, otherwise, he’d have the guts to send her to hell. Sorry, but this is not your problem, it’s his. I agree with getting in touch with her parents, but it should be your brother along with your parents getting in contact with them and perhaps visiting them and having an open discussion. You stay out of it. You have enough to worry and do at this time. Don’t get involved.
This girl is a socio-path and sounds mentally ill. She needs professional help that no one person could do for her. She should probably be admitted to rehab and receive psychiatric help.
Go to the parents. If that does not help, then go to the police and have her arrested if she harrasses your family any more at your house. This can’t go on and is no good for anyone – particularly her and you.