Post # 1
Hiii all 🙂
So here is the deal… My brothers and soon to be brothers all have ish girlfriends. And by ish i mean they are dating but not anything serious. They all want to bring them to the wedding. Ok, i am being a bridezilla, but i dont care. I dont want them there. It would be differet if they had gone out with the girls more than maybe twice. And i dont like any of them ( i know, i know. im horrible ) All of my brothers, soon to be included, have a gift of picking the most dramatic and annoying that god has ever created. im not being sarcastic either. after one date, one wrote a letter to my brother saying what she liked and didnt like about him… who does that?? and why he is still ‘dating’ her is beyond me.
ANY WHO! I told them that this is MY day, and it is my decision. They havnt even gone on more than a few dates with any of these girls! and i know the girls would try to get into pictures, because they are ALL like that. i dont want to look back at my wedding pictures and video and see these girls that i cant stand in everything. im having a very small wedding to begin with. SO, a few of them see my point and are ok with it, but 2 are not letting it go. I said that they are not even serious with the girls and they would probably end up causing a scene. (fact: big brothers ‘girlfriend’ came to my mom’s house after thankgsgiving dinner and started an argument with him in front of my entire family) Im sorry but i would freak out if that happend at my wedding. like FREAK. ha.
what more can i say to them with out going into complete bitch mode and telling them off about it?? because planning a wedding has made me alot more on edge than usual, and im about to go over!!!
Post # 3
Have you spoke to your FH about it? What does he say? Maybe he can be the one to make sure they don’t bring their “girlfriends”.
I am allowing a plus one for everyone that is single.
Post # 4
Whahaha. I swear, I could have wrote this post.
When I was in my hater mode, I wasn’t going to let my brother’s bring their girlfriends. I didn’t like ’em. They were allowed a date, but I had final say on whether or not the girl was allowed.
But now, I’m all “eh.” Whatevs. They can bring whoever they want BUT if they want to bring a no-good tr*mp one night stand kind of girl, then they have to buy me a reallllllyyyy good present and be the best groomsman ever! I’ve told them that, they’ve agreed, and I’m cool. I’m sure they’ll bring someone – I just have no clue who.
Honestly, it gets mmmuch easier if you don’t worry about it. It can be sooo frustrating (I have three brothers, and I’m the only girl, so I know) but in the long run, you’re in a better place emotionally.
Post # 5
i would suggest waiting until closer to your wedding to make a final decision…you have plenty of time.
imo, just let your brothers know that if they are still dating these girls closer to the wedding and things are going well then it can be discussed. i’m not sure why the decision has to be made now, 7 months before the wedding. your problem might be solved on its own if they are no longer dating at that point….don’t stress about this right now!
and i can totally relate to disliking a brother’s girlfriend. my brother has always dated the dumbest girls with the largest fake boobs until his current girlfriend. and while they haven’t been dating FOREVER i couldn’t imagine her not being at our wedding in june 2010.
Post # 6
What if they’re still dating in June? That’s 6 whole official months of dating. Not dating “ish”. Dating “ish” just makes the girls sound kinda skanky, lol.
Post # 7
I agree with the PPs, just wait awhile to make that decision. After an additional 4 months, the girls may become more “serious” with them, or be totally out of the picture. You can make your final decision right before you send out the invites 🙂
Post # 8
I agree with the pp, it’s really early to make that decision. Things may work themselves out by the time it’s your wedding, and you will have created stress for yourself now for no reason. Or, they may have been dating for several months, which at that point, it’s probably time to smile, let the girls attend, and realize you probably won’t see much of them at all. I only have sisters, but I recall not really liking one of the boyfriends at first. Granted, I wasn’t getting married or anything, but I was, hhmmm, let’s say a little cold to him for awhile. He ended up becoming my BIL and once I gave him a chance, he turned out to be a really cool guy and I’m glad he’s part of my family. I don’t think you said how old your brothers are, but one of these girls could end up being the one, and I’d hate for you to have the memory I have of being not so gracious.
Post # 9
Definitely don’t stress yourself out by making a decision right now. We are date twins and I know from experience it’s too early to fine-tune things like that. If they demand to know right now whether the GF’s are invited, just say something non-committal like you’d love to give everyone a plus-one, but it’s going to be a small wedding so you’ll have to let them know when the time gets closer. I’d put my money on at least some of them breaking up by then. OR the impossible could happen and maybe you bond with any of the girls and actually WANT them there. I’ve changed my mind about a few people already!
Post # 10
Oh gosh! That’s so rough. I completely understand where you’re coming from. My FI’s groomsmen are ridic, 1 is dating someone new every 45 minutes, the other is dating a girl who is a lunatic (she comes alone to all the parties he’s invited to and pretends he brought her, she gets drunk and starts a fight with him… never fails!). They expect to be able to bring a date… wrong! I was lucky because my FI agrees that they shouldn’t bring these guests and he’s going to handle it. I think your FI should handle his brother’s and you have to be totally, explicitly, direct with yours. Tell them you’re strictly following the wedding guest etiquette, unless they are living together or married- its a no go! If you feel that strongly about it, you don’t have to be overtly bitchy, but just firm. The last thing you want is drama and I’m so sure they’ll have fun without these dates.
Post # 11
I would be a little nervous too, if i were in your shoes. Thankfully I only have one brother who’ll be bringing a girl he’s not serious about, and I’ve specifically planned out all of the family pictures, which she’s not in. (Only engaged/married are included).
But, keep in mind that you are still about 7 months out, and if they aren’t serious, it probably won’t last until the wedding and you won’t have to worry. At least not about those specific girls. Let your brothers know about not wanting them in the family pics, and about managing it if any of them cause a scene. Maybe there’s a male friend or friend’s husband that you are close with that can try to handle it if anything arises? You’re far enough out right now, that I would just let your brothers know your expectations, and then let it go for a few months and see what happens. Maybe discuss it again right before invites go out?
Post # 12
Remember, all those headed for the breakup train do so around spring, so they’re free for the summer…. I wouldn’t put a second thought into just letting it sit for a bit.
Post # 13
I agree with previous posters about waiting a while to figure this out. Once you do make a final decision, maybe try to phrase the reasons to your brothers a bit differently than what you said earlier. I think if I was told “I don’t like your SO and they’ll cause drama at the reception, so they can’t come,” I would be offended and become defensive. However, if you focus more on the budgetary restrictions and the size of the wedding (rather than a personal attack on these girls), I think it’s a better reason to say no.
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Post # 14
i say, be a bitch if you have too. it’s obviously gonna put strain on your big day if theyre there. your brothers are family, I’m sure they love you and should understand your feelings.
Post # 15
I’m in a similar situation. My fiance’s youngest brother has an on-again, off-again “girlfriend” who always brings the drama. We had the whole “starting a fight at the dinner table” experience last winter – so awkward! Anyway, see if you can get any other family members on your side. My FMIL is more adamant that this girl not attend our wedding than we are. My fiance and his other brother are going to sit down and have a talk with him – not just about why this girl shouldn’t attend the wedding, but also why it’s not the best idea in the world to date someone who treats you like crap. I think you can have a similar conversation with your brothers without coming off like a bossy sister.
Post # 16
Since they are your brothers, I think it is perfectly acceptable for them to have dates….if they were friends, I would say no. Just be firm during picture time that pictures are for family only. Maybe have the photographer take pictures of the couples and then they can purchase the pictures for themselves and you don’t have to put them in your wedding album. It is YOUR day, but remember, it is also an important day for your family. They are excited for you and want to be there for you.
Also – your wedding isn’t for another 6 MONTHS! Wait until you send out invitations to make these decisions.