(Closed) Brother’s girlfriend: Bridesmaid?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I was in this situation, and I didn’t ask my FI’s brother’s girlfriend to be in the wedding. I don’t know her at all, and they weren’t engaged when I picked my bridal party, so I didn’t think it was actually appropriate to ask her to be in the bridal party. I know people are going to ask why I didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid, but I’m fine with telling the truth.

Bottom line — yeah, you’re right that it’s "proper" if she’s his fiance. But she’s not yet, and thus you’re not obligated to do anything. But if you want to have her, it’s a very nice gesture!

Post # 4
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I don’t think you need to wait until she is your brother’s fiance. I think you should go ahead and ask her now, because then she may just think you asked her because he did. I would ask her now, it’ll make her feel like more a part of the family anyway. Unless you think there’s a chance she’ll say no!

Post # 5
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I was feeling the same as Rebecca, but then I re-read the post, and it seems like you have already decided that you want her as a bridesmaid, and if so, then ask her. But don’t do it just because she’s going to be family. I didn’t ask my fiance’s sister because we’re not that close, etc. But that’s a whole other can of worms!

Post # 6
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

It’s totally up to you!  I’m having my brother and his girlfriend in my wedding party.  I don’t really have any close girl friends, so I kind of needed someone to do the girly stuff with.  Plus, she’ll help keep my brother in line.  😉

If you already feel like you have enough attendants, though, don’t feel obligated to have her.  There’s nothing saying she can’t still hang out with you and help with the planning if she’s interested. 

Post # 7
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Do what you want on this one.  If you would like her to be in the wedding party, then go ahead and ask now – no need to wait.  However, if you’re just doing it to be polite, perhaps you can find another way to honor/recognizer her in the wedding (a reading, maybe?) without having her as a bridesmaid.

Post # 8
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I asked my brother’s girlfriend (even though there are no official plans for marriage) to be in my wedding because we’re friends on the side too.  I feel like she has a place there since she’s been in my life for so long & one of those constant people that will be there always (even if they end up not getting married).  It’s your choice though!  Would you consider her a friend & want to remember her via pictures forever???  If not, then she probably shouldn’t be in your wedding! 

Post # 9
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

I think if you want to have her, then do. If not, it’s not rude to NOT have your brother’s girlfriend/fiancee/wife as one of your bridesmaids. I would never be insulted if my husband’s sister didn’t pick me to be one of her bridesmaids. We’re not that close, and I’m sure she has tons of other friends to be in her wedding party. I’m sure whatever you choose will be fine.

Post # 10
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I’m in a similar situation. I asked my brother what he thought, and he told me that he didn’t think I should ask her at all. He said he thought she would feel really awkward because she doesn’t know my friends, and I understood what he meant, so I decided not to ask her.

Post # 11
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 10 years ago

Is the girl your friend? If not I wouldn’t bother…is 1 more expense your saving her from…she probably wants to start saving too…after all..her wedding is coming soon. 

Post # 12
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

are you two actually close? you dont mention it above….

 I chose my bms based upon my personal relationships to them vs the traditional method. it meant excluding his only sister, but i dont know the woman very well and i dont particularly care for her. i wanted to be surrounded by people with whom I was most comfortable and i knew i wouldn’t be comfortable around her.

some people had a problem with that but now that i am in the true thick of things, i am glad its just those closest to me.

if you’re friends with her, then thats great, but I dont think you should feel obligated if you have no personal relationship with her.

 

Post # 13
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

lol..i took forever saying what i wanted to say and V summed it up in 2 sentences…..i clearly talk too much.

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