- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2010
OK, so here’s a little back story.
mY oldest brother (7 yrs older) and I have been really close growing up. Like, I adored him and aspired to be just like him and he included me in so much of his life, more than a 7 years older brother would normally do. Well, we haven’t been as close since he and his wife got married (which is to be expected) and I lived with them my second year of college (their first year of marriage) and you can imagine that things were a bit testy at times. Needless to say, my brother and I grew apart. I have matured and slowly realized that he isn’t some faultless human being, and that not everything he does is perfect. I’ve matured and started living my own life without the need for his approval anymore.
Ok, with that said, I’ll tell you that his wife and I get along awesomely. We hit it off after they started dating and she is only three years older than me. So obviously when they got married, I was a bridesmaid. He decided to have her brother as a groomsman also along with our other brother and a few friends. OK so flash forward to when my fiance and i got engaged. I spoke to him about possibly having my brothers as groomsmen but my FI and my brothers hardly knew each other and honestly, my brother’s manipulating behavior got under FI’s skin a lot. So, we decided that with only 4 groomsmen, that it wouldn’t be fair that FI had to include both my brothers (and his own brother) to only leave one spot for his friends. Now, it crossed my mind that I should address this with him, but I decided I’d rather not touch it, in fear of making it obvious that other friends were more important to him than my brothers, and for that matter, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. WAY before we even got engaged, I told my SIL (brother’s wife) that she would be my MOH whenever I got married, so that was already in place. Any ways, along the way through planning, my brother casually talks about how he can get us some ceremony musicians and that he has all the sound equipment for the music at the reception and at Christmas, actually make the ceremony musicians his present to my FI and I. So this whole time I’ve been assuming that he would do that and do the djing for the reception (he has worked as a wedding dj in the past). I periodically text him asking about the ceremony musician because I need to do the programs, but he insists that I have plenty of time to worry about that (1.5 months???) and that he’ll let me know when he does. So my parents get fed up and ask him straight out in a text message how the musician finding is coming and how the djing is coming. he says “what needs djing?”. my mom texts back, the reception. and we get no response. A week later is my shower (this past weekend) he and my MOH show up and he gives a cold shoulder to everyone who talks to him. He lays on a couch with the other men and ignores everyone (including my FFIN) and is just really moody. (oh it’s important to say that he recently found out that he will not have his job next year and is facing maybe having to live in a separate place from his wife until she finishes college in a semester)
The rest is all what others tell me. All I saw was him leaving mad and my parents going after him. They tell me that he is very upset that he wsan’t a groomsman and that his feels like hired help and that he never said he would dj and feels taken advantage of and he thought it was a given that he’d be in the bridal party and was mad that I didn’t even tell him he wasn’t. It al ended in him saying that he didn’t even want to come to the wedding anymore.
So I cried when I heard this. It really upset me as you can imagine. I just need advise on what I should do. It’s the consensus that I should talk to him, but I am afraid he will just try to make me feel bad for not making FI have him as a groomsman. he is so good at making people feel sorry for him. In a way, i’d rather just ignore his hissy fit and continue, but i know if he doesn’t come to the wedding, it would ruin the day for me. Also i want to know if i should address it with my MOH(SIL) and make sure she knows that i don’t want them to fight and that she can take his side if she needs to.
SORRY SO LONG!!!!