Post # 1
Need some advice from you guys. But first, some background.
My brother started writing to an ex-gf (they dated a week) about a month before the end of boot camp He texted me two weeks ago to tell me he is getting married the day after he comes home, which is a week from today.
At first I was hesitantly supportive. I thought that given three weeks I could maybe hang out with her and get to know her a little. She is only 19 and may need some help learning to cook and use online bill-pay and such. Todd said it was a great idea, and that it would be great if Katie and I could be friends. The more I find out about their relationship, the more it feels like a marriage of convenience. For instance, the word “love” has yet to be used by either of them. They have tried their best not to tell anyone outside of immediate family: no aunts, no grand parents or friends at all.
He’s 22 and told me that he doesn’t want to die in a war and wish he had gotten married. I feel he’s rushing into this wedding, and so is she to move out of her parents’ house. I’m being villified by dad because I’m not supportive. Half of my family have said they aren’t supportive and will not be attending.
At risk of writing a novel, I’ll finish up. Are we required to support and attend weddings for our siblings?
Post # 3
definitely attend the wedding, no matter what your opinions are for the reason for the marriage, he is still your brother 🙂
Post # 4
Oh wow, that’s really tough. I can tell that you want to support him because he’s your brother, but you think he’s making a bad decision — I would feel the same way! I think you should still attend, because regardless of whether their marriage will be a good and lasting one, he will still need your love and support. It seems that people going off to war have a lot of emotions to deal with that nonmilitary people don’t understand.
That said, do you think that he would call off the wedding if enough family members boycott it? Is that what you want him to do?
Post # 5
Be supportive of him and attend the wedding. If down the road they have issues atleast you will not have ruined your relationship with him and youll be there if he needs you. Yes he very may well end up a statistic but keep in mind how many marriage of convinience happened during WW2 and those are our happy grandparents now.
Post # 6
@likelimeade: No I definitely do not want him to call off the wedding because of a boycott. I just feel that so many people cant get married in this country when they really want to, and here we have a couple that are doing it for less-than-ideal reasons. Kind of sad really.
Post # 7
@mizzscarlettohara: He’s your brother. If it’s a mistake, let him make it on his own. The least you could do is attend his wedding. If there is a lesson to be learned somewhere, he will.
Post # 8
So, I’m a military daughter, live in a military area, am engaged to a “former, not former” Marine…. I preface this that way because I don’t want to offend anyone who may think that I don’t have adequate exposure to military culture. With that said, there are a lot of young military men who get married quickly because they want to get the bump in pay, have someone to stabilize their lives and go home to, etc.
If I were in your shoes I would have a talk with my brother, but more along the lines of — I know that you want to do this and I won’t stand in your way. Just please do not have children until you know your path. The common thread of the guys that I knew in this situation is that they had children born of these quickie marriages and, while they did not regret the children, they regretted being tied to their ex-wives for life.
Post # 9
By all meann attend his wedding! It’s an important life event – whether it’s approved of or not!
Post # 10
i would attend and support his decision. if it doesn’t work out, just be there for him. he is your brother.
Post # 11
be there for him ! my brother didnt attend my wedding because to say the least we have no relationship but reguardless i think he should have still been there. no one knows this girl could be great and they could be together forever and to think that no one was there to support them.
Post # 12
@EsqBailey: I’m going to agree with this. I’m an Army brat and have a ton of military friends…most of them got married quickly because of the bump it gives them. That’s not a good reason to get married. They’re both very young, and, are you kidding me? have not said “I love you” yet? You need to talk to him about this.
Post # 13
Attend the wedding, be supportive, you won’t regret it, and he’ll definitely remember and appreciate that you did!
Post # 14
He’s your brother and I think, under the circumstances, you should slap on a smile and support him. Maybe your brother and his Fiance are not getting married for the right or traditional reasons, maybe they aren’t ready for it, and maybe they will get a divorce in 6 months, but he is your brother and you care for him, so I think it’s important you be there to support him.
Post # 15
You should go no matter what. If it makes him happy, he’ll go for it. Some people get married for convenience and fall madly in love with eachother later. It just takes time. I’m going through this with my parents and my wedding and if they were more supportive, even if they didn’t agree, my life would be so much easier. It’s his decision to do it, not yours, and this is what he has chosen. Go.
Post # 16
Go and support him anyway. You don’t have to tell him you support his decision, but if he can see that you’ll be by his side even when it might be difficult, it’ll be a good foundation for the rest of your relationship. Especially considering what path he’s about to embark on, I bet you would feel better knowing that if anything goes wrong, he would feel like he can come to you because you were supportive. If he think you’ll just be thinking “told you so” he may not come to you when he has problems with her in the future.