Post # 1
My FI got a quote on the wedding band that would match my engagement ring and I guess it was more than he expected. It’s a pretty simple band, nothing crazy.
Our wedding venue is not cheap and from the beginning it seemed like he was giving me a gentle ultimatum between the wedding band or wedding at a cheaper venue. I am in love with our venue so I threw out the idea of getting a fake CZ ring for the wedding day if that helps with costs. Sounds manipulative, but I was hoping he’d still get me the real wedding band.
If he was struggling with money it wouldn’t bother me. FYI, he’s not. He has a well paying job…but he’s just very conservative about spending. So recently I felt kind of sad about having the fake CZ put on my finger the day of the wedding because he pays for his parent’s cell bill and bought them a car last year, that he’s still paying off.
We had one argument about wedding budgets and I brought up the fact that he bought his parents a car when he knew we were getting married soon and he was VERY sensitive and unhappy that I brought that up.
We come from immigrant parents so it’s very “normal” for kids to take care and pay for our parents. HOWEVER, is it wrong that I feel like he’s not putging me first with something that is kind of important/memorable? I see him browsing for used cars and it makes me think that if he can consider getting a new car…can’t he afford a real wedding band?
Let me know your thoughts.
Main question: Is it right for me to feel like I’m not first, financially? Or should I just let it go and ask for the real ring for our 1st wedding anniversary?
Post # 3
@CloverHoneyBee: If he is still “paying off” his parents car then clearly money is an issue or he would have simply paid for it in entirety. I would have gone with the less expensive venue rather than claim I would be ok with a “fake” ring.
At this point,I would get a plain gold/platinum band and get the blingy diamond band later.
I know you didn’t ask but going into marriage and already having money disagreements to the point of manipulation doesn’t bode well.
Post # 4
Well the matching band to my ring was $600 my husband could have bought it since he didn’t really contribute to the wedding but I didn’t care that much about dropping that kind of money on a band and got a cz and silver one. I love my “fake” band. No one knows it’s not real, and it serves the same purpose. At the end of the day you got your dream e ring It’s just a band. i think you should get over it honestly. There are bigger things in life to worry about than jewelrY. Maybe he is struggling and doesn’t want you to know or maybe he wants to save for y’all’s future.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
I would say get more involved in finances. Sure you can spend the money, but do you know how much you’re spending (percentage wise of how much you actually have)?
When you marry, your finances will combine, I’m assuming. Now is a good time to have the talk about how much he owes on the car and how much he pays per month on the cell phones. When you are married his money is yours and vice versa.
If you have an idea about where you both stand financially and you aren’t operating in the dark, then you might be better able to make calls on “Is this more expensive vendor really necessary?” “Do we have to have hors d’oeuvres?” “How much does the venue I want set us back financially and how quick can we recover?” “Can I really just splurge and get the band I want right now?”
When you both are in charge of the budget it will be easier for you to make your case. You can go to your FI saying, “Hey I know we spend X amount on dining out each month. If we just stopped doing that for 2 months then we can afford the band I want.”
It’s all about compromise and knowing what you have to work with. Communicate!
Post # 6
@CloverHoneyBee: I think it is alright for you to feel a bit hurt by it, but at the same time, he might not view the wedding band as something more than a symbol. There is no shame in CZ, and you shouldn’t feel sad because it isn’t diamonds. Your FI is taking care of his parents, yes, but which is more important if the roles were reversed? Providing for your parents now (which it seems like his might need some help right now) or buying a ring that can be exchanged later? I try not to get too attached to things like rings because what if they get stolen, or lost, or broken beyond repair? It won’t be the one put on my finger, but it’s not the item itself, its the meaning behind it.
However, if he buys himself a used car and claims that he can’t afford to buy you a more expensive ring, I’d have to say “What? Back the truck up just a darn minute there buddy.” But… I look a new things onine all the time and I don’t intend on buying them, sometimes I just like looking.
If I were you I would not let the ring tarnish any memory of my wedding day, and instead ask for an upgraded band when you can afford it (or even buy it for yourself). Best of luck! Chin up!
Post # 7
@CloverHoneyBee: I don’t think you should have said one thing, then flipped the script. If you’re not okay with a CZ band, then get a simple precious metal band and save for diamond eternity for a future anniversary.
It would be one thing if your FI was just being cheap, but from your post, it seems like he has a lot of obligations.
Post # 8
Money issues are tough and the number 1 reason for divorce.
Because couples are not open and honest about their finances/feelings/hopes, dreams and aspirations.
Tell him you would like to purchase the real deal and are more than willing to pay for it. Then do it.
I do hope you can work this out with him so you are both happy.
Post # 9
I don’t get why you keep calling it a “fake” ring. CZ is a very REAL option to tons of people and tons of our fellow bees.
Post # 10
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
I’m not a fan of the people calling anything “fake.” It’s a real wedding band.
Post # 11
A “fake” ring doesn’t mean you will be “fake” married, so I’d get the CZ for now and upgrade when you have the $.
Post # 12
I think she meant a non-diamond – at least that’s the way I took it.
I do agree that any ring, be it CZ or diamond would be fine, unless of course, she really wanted a diamond (which is what I suspect).
Personally I would spring for the diamond and explain that I had a change of heart. She certainly got what she wished for in the venue department. He sounds like a caring guy – taking care of his parents and all. Ya know?
Post # 13
@FutureDrAtkins: Exactly, it’s not about what it’s made out of that makes it “real” but the feelings behind it.
Post # 14
seriously guys… OP is new here. Before I came on the bee I had absolutely no idea that people used CZ for wedding bands and engagement rings. When my friends would compliment my CZ earrings and ask if they were real I would say they were fake. I don’t think she meant to hurt anyone’s feelings or say that CZ can’t be used for a wedding band but rather that she is looking at non diamond bands. A lot of people don’t realize just how ridiculously sensitive others can be.
OP- do you have money that you can put towards the diamond one you want?
Post # 15
@CloverHoneyBee: My words of wisdon. I have a CZ engagement ring. It is beautiful we went to go pick out my diamond ring and I didnt like ANY of them I like my CZ engagement ring that he proposed to me with I dont want a real ring because I dont see the point in it. My engagement ring is BEAUTIFUL and I have not had a single person question if it was real or not. I honestly wouldnt care if my fiance put a peice of yarn on my finger the day I married him he is mine and I love him. Jewelery is just a possession an engagement ring and wedding band are a symbol of his love it does not matter what you are wearing as long as you love your fiance. I will be getting a CZ wedding band because that is what I want. I know that the 1K can go for something way better at the wedding.
This is my engagement ring
Post # 16
Have you guys discussed how you will handle money and making decisions about money after you are married? I think that finances should be a joint decision.