Post # 1
Often I have heard people say that people with blow out platinum weddings will be divorced sooner. Or that people who are having an extreme budget wedding should just wait to get married until they are financially stable so the marriage will survive.
What do you think and why?
You can vote for multiple options.
Post # 3
We are paying for our own wedding and it is very budget driven. We could afford more towards the budget but we don’t want to. We have a house that we would rather spend that money on, or our honeymoon. We want a nice wedding it just isn’t something that we want to spend a lot of money on. Having a good time with family, friends and being is love is our main drive not money.
Post # 4
I don’t think that merely the amount spent on a wedding (whether it be a lot or a little) will significantly alter the success of your marriage. I think that the amount of money spent reflects the lifestyle of a couple(and or their parents), which may play into the views about the dispensability of possessions and maybe relationships. But there’s a lot more that goes into a failed marriage that just the wedding budget!
I believe my marriage would be just as successful whether or not my dad paid for it or my fiance and I paid for it; and whether it was a tiny budget DIY wedding or a platinum affair.
I’m curious to hear what others have to say!
Post # 5
I think you forgot one last option:
"The amount of money spent or who is spending the money will have not a have a postivie or negative impact on the course of the marriage."
I really dont think it matters at all! My parents are paying for the majority of our (pretty formal fancy) wedding. If they couldn’t or didn’t want to we would host a party that we could afford. Eitherway, I’m confident my marriage will be a success – otherwise I wouldn’t be getting married!
Post # 6
I don’t think that having a budget vs. platinum wedding will necessarily have any kind of impact, negative or positive. There are so many factors that go into the success of a marriage that I think it’s very difficult to definitively generalize that spending a certain way for the wedding will be positive or negative for the couple’s future. I wonder what type of anecdotes or stories the OP has heard to prompt this question? I’m curious also.
Post # 7
Can there be an option for none of the above? I’ve seen platinum weddings last, and break up. I’ve seen budget weddings last, and break up. And I’ve seen everything in between (wow, I’ve been to a lot of weddings). And it really doesn’t seem to matter who’s paying in either case.
My parents want me to have a big wedding…and I like the idea of having so many people I care about attend as well, but I certainly would not put out the cash for it. My FI wants whatever will make me happy. We are pitching in part of what we would have spent on our own wedding to do the things that matter to us (mostly taking extra care of our friends who are traveling longer distances). I don’t think this will impact our marriage, nor do I think having the much smaller and lower budget wedding we would have felt comfortable paying for would have impacted our marriage.
I do think that sometimes people (often the bride) get so caught up in having an extravagant affair that they can make decisions that might hurt the marriage. Most notably incurring a lot of debt to pay for the event. That can certainly impact a marriage. I also think that if only one set of parents are paying there is a possibility that the other parents or person can feel that they are less important, which also has negative consequences. But in both cases it’s symptomatic of a larger problem: disagreement about finances in the first case, letting your parents control you at the expense of your spouse in the second.
Post # 8
I would think that it only impacts the marriage if: (1) you spent beyond your means (which could be a budget or a platinum wedding) or (2) you were so focused on having a "Wedding" (platinum or budget) that you weren’t really focused on the idea of being married.
Post # 9
I agree with fizicsgirl…and many others as well, but I think yes, if you can’t afford ANY budget, you probably should wait it out until things are more stable. This includes not going into debt for one day….which can make the next 365 days pretty tense! I think a lot of girls get sucked into the keeping up with the Jones’-which is why weddingbee ROCKS, because there are so many great DIY ideas that can keep your budget in check while still making things look great. Personally, I would hate to see what my budget (and wedding) looked like if I hadn’t stumbled upon this site
Post # 10
I am with Habibi…the budget doesn’t necessarily impact the success of the wedding. I think that is said about fancier weddings because it can seem like all the bride cares about is the day, not the other important things.
Post # 11
I think it has to do with how much money you actually have and also what your reasons are for having a platinum wedding.
If you’re having a platinum wedding and you (a) cannot afford it and/or (b) are only doing it to show off if can negatively affect your marriage.
If you wedding is costing more than your and your FI’s net worth (whether you are paying for it, or your family is paying for it) than I think you are spending too much, whether the wedding costs 5K or 500K…. and you need to re-evaluate.
Post # 12
I agree with Habibi and others that so many things affect the outcome of a marriage, and probably very little has to do with how much you spend on the wedding. Perhaps one exception is if the couple has a blow out wedding, pays for it themselves but cannot really afford it, and then fight about money all the time because they are in debt or have none.
My parents are paying for our wedding and have worked very hard in their lives to be able to give us this gift, and I am proud of it. I don’t view it as "daddy" paying the bill. We are very grateful and appreciative because I understand that not everyone is in this very fortunate position. Or, maybe some people would rather pay for their weddings themselves. It all depends on what you are comfortable with and what your families are comortabl with.
My feeling is that the budget of your wedding (or how it gets paid) should hopefully not have a bearin on the marriage. For us, it is having a positive impact (presently) since we do not have terrible stress over financing our wedding.
Post # 13
If ‘neutral’ was an option, that’s what I would have voted. I think doing pre-marital counseling or simply having good discussions about money, in-laws, sex, work-life, kids etc would be a much bigger determinant. Maybe all the time it takes to plan a huge wedding could crowd out some of those discussions?
Post # 14
There was no "money and its source doesn’t have an impact" or "going into debt for a wedding can put added stress on a newly married couple and have a negative impact."
I would have voted for one of those options.
I think as long as the couple is in agreement on the budget, it probably won’t hurt them in the long run.
Post # 15
I think you should simply spend what you can afford to and not a penny more. However, I think that if my parents were paying for our wedding, I’d have more of a tendency to be less conscious about our spending. Since my FI and I are ponying up for it ourselves, I’m realizing just how MUCH it is and thinking about MY hard earned money going towards cakes, etc so I end up DIY most of it myself. I would have a tendency to think "oh, $500 is a good price" if my dad was covering it instead and think that I "deserved" it because I’m daddy’s little girl. I think it’s wonderful when parents and/or family can contribute, but the bride is still respectful of the cash flow. The economy sucks and every dime counts! Hence our super awesome sheet cake from Sam’s Club =P I think mongo Platinum weddings are a big showy thing anyways. I’ve been to a few and they’re just obscenely luxe. I feel like they could have cut $1000 in corners and donated to a children’s charity and nobody would have noticed if they had glass goblets instead of real silver ones, you know? But that’s just me
Post # 16
I completely agree with Bizz1011