Post # 1
So I am having problems. My fiance says that anything I purchase should come out of our wedding account if it is for the wedding. I have a tendency to use my own money if its something that I want but don’t know that he would really agree with. He thinks everything is "not necessary" and I want the little details to make it unique and special. He then says "Its not about the day its about the fact that we are getting married." I don’t want to downplay that because OBVIOUSLY thats the most important part but I can’t seem to get him to understand that the details are fun for me and something I enjoy adding to the wedding (within reason!) When he finds that I have bought something out of my own account, he gets irritated. We are paying for almost all of our wedding on our own and under the current economy he gets nervous (he is a banker) and I hear weekly that we "probably shouldn’t be spending so much on a wedding right now." Is anyone else having a situation similar? How are you handling it?
Post # 3
My fiance is the same way!!! He’s actually loosened up a bit now that we’ve gotten closer to the day (he loves to throw a good party, and he’s realized that the things we’ve gone over our budget for were mostly things that he wanted)– but your wedding is the week before mine, so I guess that’s not happening with yours. I still daily hear about how it’s stupid to spend money on a wedding right now, but who knew the economy would tank this badly?
So… what advice do I have? One thing that I’ve done, since we didn’t have a whole lot of money budgeted for decorations and all the little fun stuff, is to find things that really are inexpensive and have potential and then say "You know, we really are going to need something for the tables, and I found x at $1 each." As long as I pose something as 1.) a really good, inexpensive idea or 2.) a silly thing to spend money on, but wouldn’t it be nice…. I’ve usually been able to convince him (but then, I really am the frugal one in our relationship).
But, even if you can’t pull his arm effectively, just remember that objectively speaking he’s right. You’ll be glad to have the money later!
Post # 4
My husband basically gave me carte blanche to spend what I wanted. But he was aware that I’m as frugal (read: cheap) as he is and wouldn’t spend extravagantly.
I can understand why your FI is concerned- the little things you buy might really add up. And he may be looking at your account as shared money- you will be financially dependent on each other once you are married. So sayint that it’s ‘my money, out of my account’ might not make him feel better.
Do you budget for some ‘mad money’ every month- money to spend as you want? Perhaps you can tell him that you want your ‘mad money’ to go towards wedding stuff and you won’t exceed $X?
Or, is there money in your wedding budget for decor (or whatever you’ve been buying)? If so, then perhaps the purchases are justified?
Just try to remember that a good compromise means everyone’s unhappy. So, probably spending more than he wants you to, but less that you want to is the best solution!
Post # 5
I’m not sure if I read your situation correctly, but it sounds like you’ve set aside a wedding account (which implies a budget), but have also decided that both of you will consult each before spending it? Is there a way to add some wiggle room into that? Like a monthly limit (similar to what rosychicklet suggests but coming out of the wedding account)? It sounds a bit like you’re doing more of the detailed planning, so this would make sense anyway. And I do think it’s important that you spend some money/effort on the details that will make the day special to you…it can’t just be about what makes him happy.
I completely sympathize with having really different spending habits than your FH, and also with valuing the tiny details when he doesn’t see the point of most of them. I think it’s important to respect that to a certain extent, but not to let it dictate everything. Hopefully this will also help you work out what might be bigger financial differences. Can you have a talk about why exactly he is so nervous (I mean I know the economy in general, but any specifics)? Is he re-thinking your entire budget? Maybe there’s way to cut down on some of the overall costs so that you have more money for details? B/c I personally do understand his issue with the idea that your spending out of "your account" so that makes it okay. I have no idea how you plan to handle your finances afterward, but I can see how it would make him feel like you don’t really intend to stick to a budget but rather spend whatever you can get away with (not saying it’s true, just saying I can see how that feeling could arise). But I also can see how this would be really frustrating for you if you feel like he just has veto power over everything. One thing my FI and I have come up with for our regular finances is having both a minimum and maximum spending level for fun/entertainment each month. That way I know that we are spending fun money, but he knows that we’re doing it at a level he feels comfortable with. maybe you can come up with something similar for the wedding? Like min < $X < max for spending on details.
Post # 6
my fiance stays out of the budgeting for this wedding. I don’t think he wants to know how much we’re spending…although the wedding is being paid for by me and my parents and he is paying for the honeymoon. I can’t wait to combine our bank accounts and not have "his and hers" money anymore.
About your dilemma: would you consider just transfering more of your own personal money into your wedding fund so it doesn’t seem like you’re going over the budget all the time? If you’re finding yourself spending so much of your own money, maybe you both need to sit down and re-evaluate how much you orginally budgeted for your wedding. If you can afford to be buying wedding things from your personal budget….can’t you just contribute more to the wedding fund?
Almost every bride has to make some budget sacrifices. Make sure you discuss your wedding dreams with your fiance. He may not understand why you want all the little details, but you don’t want to be fighting over the money you’re spending for the wedding. Buy things with coupons, and on sale and show him how much money you’re saving!
Hope you guys find a point of agreement!