Post # 1
I HATE my job.
I work in a small team, where I am twenty-five years younger than the second-youngest member. All are at least mid-forties, and I’m twenty. I’ve also only been here for a year while they’ve all been here for four or five. As a result, some of them still try to exclude me from things.
One male colleague is a lovely person, but clueless. He makes lots of mistakes because he’s lazy and nobody ever calls him on it because he’s so likeable. In the past he’s told me to do things and I’ve gotten in trouble for doing things wrong or things I shouldn’t have done. Each time I’ve not wanted to admit to anyone that it was all his fault, so I’ve taken the blame myself. He constantly insists he knows the right way to do everything and gets sulky or angry if I don’t do it – even if I know it’s wrong!
A female colleague absolutely despises me. She’ll intentionally ignore me when I speak to her, eavesdrop on my phone conversations and stalk my work log to make sure everything’s done to her standards. Despite the manager saying I’ve been here long enough to be left alone, she still refuses to leave me at the desk for longer than a minute, telling me I ‘can’t handle it on my own’. She’ll make snide comments about me, often to my face, and use thinly viled insults, ‘chocolate again today?! That must be like the third day in a row!’ or ‘Well, some of us actually work to earn money for our families, rather than money to waste’. When I got engaged and told another colleague that I was surprised by the cost of a wedding, she told me that I’ll be even more surprised in a few years when I’m paying for a divorce.
The other team members are lovely and really accepting but these two drive me up the wall. I’m left alone with the two of them today and I’ll readily admit I want to cry right now. I get that since I’m young and don’t have qualifications, they might doubt how much I know, but sometimes it gets really personal. It’s also so passive aggressive that I don’t have enough evidence to go to my manager with, so I guess I’m stuck. Nobody would believe that the older, more reliable staff would pick on the new kid anyway.
I just needed a rant and a bit of a cry. Hope some bees can give me some advice on how to deal with this as it’s starting to make me hate my job…
Post # 3
@ZebraPrintMe: I wish I had a way to help you but I am dealing with a very passive agressive boss at the moment. 🙁 I have started taking notes of what happens if she bullys me and if I ever feel like going to HR (I’m sure I will have to as many previous coworkers have) I have an accurate record of what has happened.
Post # 4
@ms-valentine: I agree with this. Write down everything, every day! If it ever comes to a head – you will have a journal of proof + it is actually quite therapeutic to diarise everything out sometimes.
Personally I would start “agreeing” with your female colleaugue or figure out what sort of response annoys her the most. The more you snipe back at her, the less she’s likely to do it.
ie. You’ll be even more surprised in a few years when you’re paying for a divorce”
Option 1: “Shit, I better start saving then”
Option 2: “Ohh are you divorced? Poor thing, now I understand why you’re so bitter.”
Option 3: #LAUGH HYSTERICALLY IN A FAKE WAY “Oh my goshhhh you’re soooo funny!” (this one is more likely to freak her out and make her think you’re weird but it may make her want to keep her distance from you, hopefully)
As for your lazy coworker – tell him you can’t do it his way because you got in SOO MUCH trouble from people at the top the last time you did it that way. Lie if you have to. He may not take it well if you tell him he’s wrong, but he’s likely to listen if it comes from someone higher than him?
Post # 5
Wow, sounds like your female collegue is super jealous of you! If someone said things like that to me, I’d replay with things like
“Yeah, it’s funny… I enjoy chocolate all the time, but I never gain weight from it!”
“I know! Having so much money to spend on myself is really a blessing.”
“Was your divorce expensive? I should really find out how much to save just in case it happens, and you seem to be an expert on these things.”
And the other guy? You’re not really doing yourself any favors by taking all the blame (but you know that already).
I wouldn’t blame in outright, but say “Well, Jeff showed me how to do it his way – can you show me where I went wrong? I would like to learn from these mistakes.”
But I agree with PPs… start writing these things down.
Include the date, time, place… participants and anyone else who was around.
I did this with my downstairs neighbor when she was being such a b-word when we first moved in. I wrote it down, and even though I never reported it, it made me feel more empowered and it felt good to get it off my chest.
Post # 6
@Zebraprintme I’m going through something similar at my workplace. Definitely write everything down like they’ve said. It can be tedious but it may save you in the long wrong.