Bullies in school

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Bullying prevention is SO hard.  Some kids are just MEAN.  There is a group of fifth grade girls at my school who are AWFUL to another girl in their class.  They make her cry about once a week. I have lunch duty with them, and I am constantly talking to them about it.  “Guys, even if you think you are being funny, she obviously doesn’t think this is funny.  How would you feel if someone made fun of you enough to make you cry?”  Their response?  “I wouldn’t care.”  The biggest problem is that the girl they make fun of CHOOSES to sit with them!  WHY are you doing that, child??  The school does a good job at talking to the kids who are being bullied, and helping them develop resiliency and all, but…the problem is the kids who are doing the bullying.  It’s like they lack empathy.  I just don’t get it.  

 

The other thing I saw at my former school was that kids don’t understand what bullying is.  They see these documentaries and hear these horrible stories about kids who kill themselves because of bullies.  So they think bullies are TERRIBLE people who basically murder people.  Then they constantly make fun of another kid…which is bullying (taking a definition that it’s consistent, long-term, et cetera)…but they can’t reconcile what they’re doing with what they’ve learned about bullying.  It’s interesting and worrying.

Post # 4
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Instead of pulling my kid out of school for a year, I would use it as a learning experience. Sit down with the bully and his/her parent(s), explain the behavior and the result, and come to an agreement that whatever the bully dishes out, he/she will get right back in return. Then teach my child to do just that: stand up to the bullying.  It might not be easy, and I might have to get the teachers involved, maybe even other kids and parents, but in the end would hopefully teach all the children some valuable skills in getting along and solving their own conflicts. Pulling the child out of school and going on an extended trip or even changing schools would be an absolutely last ditch option, one which I would be very reluctant to take, because it may end up teaching the child that running away from a problem is the best way to solve it, and that’s not a good life skill.

Post # 5
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@cbgg:  The trip would be awesome but would do nothing to prevent bullying.  What would hapen after the trip when the kid went back to school.  Now they would be the kid who’s behind a year in school.

I hate to say it but private shcool, at least for me was far better for bullying.  I was tormented in public school, and yes there was bullying in private but not nearly as bad.

I also couldn’t disagree more with @Horseradish:  The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and bully parents are usually no better than the bullies themselves.  Sure you’ll find some cases but in most the parents are equal douches.  My mom confronted my bully, it made it worse, so much worse!

Switching schools I guess is the best, IMO.

Post # 6
Member
3077 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@Atalanta:  I agree that the bullies learn it at home. Sitting down with parents 90% of the time won’t get you anywhere and will probably make it much worse. Even if the parents CARE that their kid is bullying, they’ll respond by beating the kid or bullying the kid & then the kid has more amunition to take out on your kid.

I was kind of bullied in 5th grade. i ended up changing schools the following year and i’m so glad my mom did that. I don’t know how i would keep myself from beating a bratty little kid if i was a parent of a bullied child. i feel for them

Post # 7
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Atalanta:  

@soontobemrsm11:  

I respectfully disagree. Bullies are, to some extent, only going to keep up with their bullying if they get a reaction and if they’re allowed to.   Douchey parents, douchey kids, if I show my kid that I’m not willing to back down and not willing to give the douchey parents/kids the satisfaction of upsetting me, then hopefully my kid will do the same. I have to set the example, and if I demonstrate that sometimes people are just dicks and it’s no reason to take it personally, I can’t imagine a better lesson to teach a child who’s been bullied.

Post # 8
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I was bullied for 3 years between primary school and high school. I’m glad my mum never took me out of school. I was still bullied a little bit but once they realised I wasn’t going anywhere it died down a lot.

Post # 10
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

@cbgg:  From someone who was bullied for a very long time.  I know exactly what I am going to tell my kids and what I WISH SOMEONE had told me when i was getting bullied…

Bullys pick on you bc of many reasons, #1 you are an easy target, insecure, shy and they know you wouldn’t stand up to them or make them feel stupid

#2 you are pretty but have braces, bad hair, acne, or are fat, but they can tell you are pretty underneath it all and are jealous so they try to bring you down….

 

Here’s a great solution to bullying…without causing a fight….

One of the biggest reasons kids don’t stand up to bullys is bc they don’t want to fight and they are scared of getting beat up or in a fight.

So here are some good ways to not only Get a bully to STOP bullying you and TO also make your kid more confident and make the bULLY look STUPID infront of their peers… If a bully looks stupid they will stop bc all the other kids will make fun of them and THEN THEY will be the victim.

If a bully is picking on you and your a kid….they can say this…..

“You know if you want to hang out with me, just say so because you keep talking to me”

Then the bully will go off on them, infront of everyone and your kid should say

“Well if you don’t like me so much THEN WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME”

just have them keep saying that until the Bully stops.

Then the bully will either be confused or go off and keep bullying and then your kid can say…

“Wow you must really like me, bc you keep wasting your breath on me”

This NOT ONLY sounds smarts to kids but makes them THINK…Kids are pretty smart and if your kid points out “If you hate me so much then why do you talk to me so much”

And eventually the bully will not have a good response, feel stupid and stop

Or other ppl  watching your kid get bullied will be like ” yeah why do you talk to them so much if they you say they are so stupid”

Honestly THIS CATCHES kids SO OFF GUARD when other kids say that… bc then they are like “yeah Bully, why DO YOU talk or make fun of that kid so much if they are so stupid or so dumb

Eventually after the kid that is getting bullied says that enough the bully will stop:)

 

Post # 11
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would go to the school and take it up with the principal. Here (Australia) there seems to be a pretty strong culture of trying to stamp out bullying, and I think it would be taken seriously. (I say “seems to” and “think” because none of my kids have been bullied).

I had an email-friend in a USA school and the things she described – and her inability to do anything about it – were horrific. (The teacher’s response to something which I’d call sexual assault was “toughen up”). That wouldn’t happen here, I’d hope.

Post # 12
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I was SERIOUSLY bullied in elementary and middle school.

My Mom kept on those teachers/dean of students/principal like white on rice to get those girls punished.

Luckily, we moved in 7th grade, and I never got bullied again!

But there’s definitely no easy answer. Keep ALL lines of communication open, and make sure your kid has a therapist to talk to!

Post # 13
Member
2150 posts
Buzzing bee

I think the problem with our society’s take on bullying is that we are focusing too much on the bully. Research shows that bullying prevention programs tyoically do not work and sometimes have the opposite effect.

Yes, we need to teach kids to be kind and respectful to others. But we also need to teach them resilliency and to be tough. Kids are mean, they always have been. I think our society is so sensitive and PC nowadays, sometimes “rubbing some dirt on it” is the best solution. 

Post # 14
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MichiganGirl24:  I strongly disagree. There will always be weak people. One mark of a civilised society is how we look after them.

Post # 15
Member
2150 posts
Buzzing bee

@paula1248:  i agree with you. We need to teach these “weaker” people coping skills, resillency, etc.

The problem isn’t only with the bullies like media leads us to believe.

As a graduate student in School Psychology who is currently interning, I am very well versed in the research of bullying prevention programs. They dont work. 

Post # 16
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MichiganGirl24:  Well that was certainly the approach of my friend’s school (post 10).

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