Post # 1
Hey Bees, I need some advice here. My younger sister (lets call her J) is 15 and a sophomore in high school. As you all know, teenage girls can be very evil. My sister was supposed to go to a Halloween party last night at her good friends house, and right before she left for the party, she received a text from one of the girls that said, “J, not trying to be rude..but we don’t want you at the party – no one does. So, don’t come. Thanks.” My sister called me immediately afterward bawling, and saying that she didn’t understand why her “good friends” would do that to her.
Then this morning, she went on facebook and one of them had written this about her:
“Dear enemy. Well obviously I don’t like you. Considering that says Enemy && not best-friend . You are a HUGE bitch. Legit . I’m not even saying that because I don’t like you – you just really are. You know the movie Means Girls? You remind me of Regina . You think you’re pretty & beautiful & really worth something? Well guess what hunny.. you are NOTHING but a skinny, gross, nasty bitch. <3”
Again, my sister just called me in tears. I am not sure what we should do about this. It just hurts so much to see my sister being treated this way. And it also scares me, because you hear all these horrible stories about teenage kids being bullied..
Should my parents contact her parents? We just don’t want the problem to escalate if my mom gets involved. Sometimes it seems like that can just make the bullying worse.
Post # 3
The first step is to figure out the extent of what’s going and the background. It’s not unusual for teenagers to get into petty fights or for two people to just hate each other. I also think that you and your parents should work with your sister to encourage her to maintain her self-esteem, not associate with people who are mean to her, and not let others’ words affect her.
Post # 4
Was there an event that started this treatment? I’m not suggesting that this is her fault because this treatment is discusting. Just, it’s good to Know everything before proceeding…
Post # 5
@VAwife: +1 This was what I wanted to say but am very tired today!!
Post # 6
@phoebephoebo: I spoke to her on the phone for an hour this afternoon, and kept asking her if she has any idea why this would be happening.. she says she can’t think of anything. She just spoke to these girls on Friday at school and they were all being great friends to her. So, unless she is really not telling me something – this just makes no sense.
At this age though, it can be the smallest thing that can set these teenagers off. Something as small as, “so and so told me this…”
Post # 7
@VAwife: Definitely. We have told her this over and over again – it’s just hard because 15 year olds are very vulnerable.
Post # 8
Wow! Teenagers are so mean. I would add to what others have said by emphasising what is being learned from this experience.
Post # 9
It sounds to me that these immature girls are jealous of your sister, and the only way to make themselves ‘better’ is to push her down. It makes me sick, and I’m sad your sister was manipulated into believing they were her ‘friends’. Regardless of teenage normalcy…in that gals tend to lash out with petty words…in this day and age, you cannot mess around. I would have your parents call the gals parents. I would also have them contact the principal as a ‘heads up’ to what happened/course of action IN CASE they decide to continue bullying on campus!
lastly, I would remind your sister that she is better than all of this, to keep her chin up and always take the higher road. Good luck!
Post # 10
@VAwife: I agree with everything you said.
When I was in middle school, I moved to this small rural place and the kids literally chose a different kid each week or two to make cry- everyone would gang up on them and bully them. Then they would be popular again and all move on to someone else. It was terrible. (Just throwing that out there.)
I would definitely NOT have a parent get involved- good grief, imho, that would just make matters worse. She needs to deal with this herself. What is causing this? If it truly has nothing to do with her, she should do her best to ignore it.
I kind of hope my kids are not facebook people- it just opens the gates for people to be so much more ruthless, doesn’t it?
Post # 11
Don’t have your parents contact her parents!!!! That would make everything 1000x worse….at least, from what I remember from high school 4 years ago.
I’m so sorry that this is happening to your sister. 🙁 The best thing you can do is love and support her; hopefully this whole situation passes quickly! It usually does…
Post # 12
Thanks bees. My mom definitely wants to contact her parents, but my sister is refusing. I also agree that it may make matters worse. I think we’ll give it a few days at school, and see if it passes.. hopefully it does.
We will just keep reminding her how special she is, and try and remind her to keep her head up. She doesn’t deserve this treatment.
Post # 13
Ugh. My suggestion is to give your sister love and support, and to tell her to be better than them. Delete the post off her FB wall and block the girl that posted it. She could take a screen-shot of it first and have your parents stash a copy, just in case it escalates and she needs to present proof of a history of bad behavior to the school.
It’ll be hard, but these things usually blow over. If she doesn’t give them satisfaction, they will eventually pick somebody else, probably in their own group again, to go after.
Oh, to be 15 again… NO.
Post # 14
When I was bullied in school, I found that bitchy girls found something new to pick on every week. One week it would be this poor girl named Lindseay, who had headgear at the time, then Brian “Cow”-ell, then eventually it would get to me.
They did something similar to me when I was in middle school. I was invited to a birthday party. At the time I was in private school, and the policy was that if you had a party, you had to invite the whole class so no one felt left out. Well, they invited me but gave me an invitation with a fake address. So I showed up to the wrong place, with a nice gift. I felt so embarassed. Then, a month later, those same girls wanted to be my friend. Children are fickle creatures.
Anyway, I know your sister is hurting, but I bet in a week or so, those girls will find something else to bitch about. Just tell her to be true to herself, but be wary about what secrets and personal information she tells people, because you never know when those “good friends” will be her worst enemy, like she just found out. I learned that the hard way.
I wouldn’t get your mom involved though. That will make it a lot worse. Unless there’s hitting involved or something, I would let it run its course. That’s just my experience, though.
Post # 15
You have proof on facebook that she is being harrassed, so bring it to the police so they can deal with the bullies in their “authorative” way… to scare the girls. They should not be doing this and the world doesn’t need another Amanda Todd or Felicia Garcia! Enough is enough! These girls need to be told!
Post # 16
I’m always hesitant with all the people on bullying posts saying it’ll pass and that’s jut how high school girls are, because for me this was pretty much my life in high school. It went on for approximately three years. My parents knew what was going on but I didn’t want them to get involved, but I would just come home every day and cry, it got to the point where I was very depressed, cutting myself, and contemplating suicide. It’s a really isolating feeling being treated like this. So PLEASE keep a close eye on your sister – and if this does not get better quickly, I agree that parents or the police or someone needs to be involved. Calling someone a skinny, nasty, gross is way over the line, and I’m doubting these girls will stop.
Does your sister have any other friends she can turn to since it sounds like the ones at school are being horrible? Still hard since she spend smost of her time at school, but if she’s involved in a youth group or sport or something outside of it, at least she’ll have some peers who are being nice to her!