(Closed) Bullying Sisters + Ceremony = Nightmare?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It sounds like if you give these two an inch, they will take a mile, bring their monster trucks, and run right over you on your wedding day. I didn’t have to do this, so I don’t have direct advice, but I think that with the situation you have presented, you are definitely not out of line by not inviting them. You just need to be prepared to defend your decision, particularly if the corresponding members of your FI’s family (his siblings) are invited.

Post # 5
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@bohosioux:  I realized I missed a key part of your post and edited πŸ™‚

I 100% don’t judge you for your relationship with your sisters. I think some people have a very idealistic view of family. More power to them, but in the real world, not every family is full of “flawed but loving and always there for you” people. I’m really sorry that this is even a topic for you πŸ™

Post # 7
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have decided to exclude 2 of my sisters. The best term to describe both of them is toxic. They both suffer from mental illness’s untreated and/or addictions.

My mother and father always called both of them “fragile” and I have always been expected to turn the other cheek and just deal with whatever they were dishing out at the time.

At 48 yrs old….I have had enough. This is my 1st time being married and I waited a long time for my happily ever after. I will NOT allow either of them to ruin it for me.

I wish it wasn’t this way, but I grew up in a extremely dysfunctional family, and it finally hit me about 2 years ago when I met FI that I did not need to live the way I had lived my entire life.

 

Post # 8
Member
9234 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@bohosioux:  Sorry!  πŸ™  If you’re sure you’re not being over-sensitive, then I would definitely not invite them.  Why have toxic people at one of the most special days of your life?  

(I say the over-sensitive thing because I am definitely guilty of this.  I love my sister and we get along most of the time, but we also really can push each other’s buttons, often without even meaning to… we just have a lot of built up sensitivity to certain traits or behavior in each other.)

Post # 11
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@bohosioux:  Yes I am very confident. But it took me years to get to this point. Stay strong and true to yourself and your FI. This is your life and future together and that is what counts.

I hope you cand have the wedding and life with your FI that you dream of !!!

Post # 13
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@bohosioux:  Just curious why you talk to your older sister daily if a fight ensues every time?  Think about it… it’s quite silly. 

Based solely on the info you provided, if I were in your shoes, I couldn’t fathom not inviting them.  They are your sisters and yes, they are far from perfect.  But do you really think they would ruin your wedding day?  (You know better than I do, I’m saying this based strictly on your original post).

Post # 14
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@bohosioux:  Exactly…you cannot be blamed for their inabilty to change. I just think there comes a time where you have to say enough is enough.  Youy have come to a point where you have to consider your own happiness and sanity as well as that of your FI and possible future children !!!

I was trained by my parents ( both alcoholics suffering from depression) starting in my teenager years..just to accept whatever they ( my sisters ) threw at me. What I learned was this was all about was enabling….JUST exactly what I had done with my parents…they expected me to do the same with my sisters !!

I know how hard this is for you, and I hope you can stay strong and stop that cycle that your family has created πŸ˜‰

If you ever want to talk feel free to PM me.

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