Post # 1
I’m feeling horrible. One of my bridesmaids planned and put on my bridal shower last weekend (my Maid/Matron of Honor lives across the country, so she couldn’t plan it). She held it at another friend’s house, who did an AMAZING job decorating and baking tons of sweets. I was bummed the whole day though, because I lost my mom almost 5 years ago, and it really hit me when I got there. My stepmom and stepsister were there (I’m not crazy about them), and comments kept being made about her being the “mother of the bride”. It really upset me.
And, it didn’t help when the bridesmaid who planned the shower got so drunk the night before she didn’t come to the shower. I understand she wasn’t feeling well, but it hurt my feelings that she decided to drink that much knowing the shower was the next day.
Now I’m feeling bad that people came and I seemed down. Am I ridiculous for feeling sad about it?
The whole wedding is briniging up the mom thing, and it’s really hard to not feel just sad that she’s not there.
Post # 2
I think people understand. The christmas after my uncle passed away my cousin his daughter) got engaged. She cried tears of joy and then both she and her sister sobbed tears of pain that their father wasn’t there. We understood. At her wedding she had a picture of her dad and i know that she was trying not to cry….we understood. It’s tough.
As far as stepmom and stepsis. People try to fill in the way they best know how. I think you need to be candid with them that it’s not helping. I’m adopted from fostercare. Sometimes it’s helpful when my mom lays claim to me, sometimes I feel annoyed.
Post # 3
rachaelam: I am sure that your guests understood that it was hard for you with your Mom not being there. Don’t punish yourself for your feelings.
Do try hard at the wedding to plaster a smile on your face. Your Mom would not want to see you being a sad bride. She would want you to be happy and enjoy yourself.
She will always be with you in spirit.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2014 - Jacksonville Inn
rachaelam: I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mom. I’m sure everyone understands that happy occasions like a wedding tend to bring feelings of loss back up to the surface.
I lost my Mom last January and my Dad died 11 years ago. As my wedding draws closer those feelings keep popping up and it’s very difficult. Give yourself permission to be sad but please don’t let that sadness spoil this special time in your life. It’s the very last thing your Mom would want.
Post # 5
rachaelam: Please do not get into a sadness spiral by feeling sad/guilty about the fact that you feel sad. It’s OK to feel sad! Huge life events like getting married make us miss people we lost. My dad passed away 12 years ago and I had a meltdown the other day about whether to get my fiance’s dad a boutonniere (sp?) because I was sad that my dad wasn’t around to get one too. That’s way more trivial on its face than not having your mom there for your bridal shower. But luckily my fiance was understanding and gets it that grief comes out in weird ways and especially at life-changing times. I’m sure your friends and family understand too. Please do not be hard on yourself.
Post # 6
It might be helpful to you to ask yourself if this is what your mother wold want for you. I know it isn’t what I’d want for my daughter. To spend all these happy events being bummed that I’m not there. I would want her to really enjoy the moment and just soak up every bit of fun and love as she possibly could. I feel pretty certain that your mom would not want you to focus on her being gone, especially after this many years.
Going forward, whenever you think of your mom just tell yourself *she would want me to e happy* and make an effort to keep that uppermost in your mind.