Post # 1
Hey Bees, I’ll try to keep it short and sweet.
My FI and I get married in March.
In August (and I’ve known this from the beginning) FI is leaving for four months (without me) with our university’s architecture program to study for a semester in Vincenza, Italy. It’s a really important trip, and I’ve known for two or three years now that he was going.
My minor is in Spanish, and I’m working towards fluency, so I have also been planning on taking one extra semester of school and doing a study abroad in Spain. I was thinking I would be able to do this in the Fall semester, at the same time FI was in Italy. It’s about an hour or two plane ride between the two countries, and air fare in Europe is really not *that* expensive. We would be able to see each other occasionally.
Here’s the problem. I have *one* business class left for my major, and if I take it before my very *last* semester, the university will make me graduate, without my minor. AND this class is not offered abroad. 🙁
So now, it looks like I’ll be getting married in March, going to Spain for 6 weeks (instead of four months) in May, and then after I get back in June, FI will be leaving for Italy for four months in August.
Have any other bees had to go through this? How did you deal with your SO being away for so long and knowing that you couldn’t visit? FI and I will have been together nearly 5 years by the time the wedding rolls around and have never had to spend that kind of time apart. I’m trying not to sound whiny, but I am actually REALLY bummed that we’ll have to spend so much of our first year of marriage separated.
But I guess that’s life… things don’t always go according to plan.
Post # 3
Could you take a semester off so that your schooling is aligned? Or take other classes that are related but are not the ONE that you need so that you could go with him for the Fall? Then you could take the one class that you need over winter break or spring semester next year, although that would put you behind in your schooling. Or could you take it via correspondence while you were there in the Fall? That’s the only way I can think of that you could work it to go together.
Otherwise, I’ve been in an LDR for 6 years, and we only see each other once a year. (We are on completely different continents, and it’s very expensive to travel back and forth) It’s a bit of a different situation because we are not used to seeing each other for longer than a couple of months at a time, but that doesn’t make it any less hard. I don’t blame you for being super bummed about being separated for that length of time, much less right after getting married *hugs* But at least you will have a set date for return, which is always helpful, and the Internet for chatting and if you’ve graduated, you will probably be looking for a job? It will suck, but you just need to remember that it is temporary and that it will be worth it because when it’s over, you will have him back for good 🙂
To cope while he’s gone, make sure you keep busy and try to stay positive. Take time for you, don’t isolate yourself- be sure to get out and do things with friends and family, even if seeing other people together makes you miss him. Plan dates with him to meet for Skype, if you are able. You can put together care packages to send via snail mail, and go take pictures of his favorite things to put together to send or share online. And when you talk, try not to let the talk about how much you miss each other dominate the conversation because it’s easy to get negative that way. I had a countdown calendar on my desktop so I could see how much longer it would be until I would see him, and that also helped me. And we would plan out all the things we were going to do when we would be together. He’ll also have a lot of new experiences to share, which will be good 🙂
It’s not easy, but you can do it!! Good luck!!
Post # 4
I’m already graduating one semester late as it is- FH has to go to grad school, so it’s really ideal for me to graduate as soon as possible and get a full-time job to help us keep the student loans to a minimum.
The thing is… as it is, I’ve taken literally every class I need for my degree except one… which isn’t offered abroad. So I need to take in in Gainesville. My study abroad is during Summer A, so maybe if they offer that class during Summer B I could graduate before he leaves for Italy, but even so I still couldn’t afford for both of us to go.
I really identified with a lot of the coping stuff that you mentioned- I’m actually really excited because one of my very close girlfriends/bridesmaids (who was also contemplating going to Vincenza that semeste) has decided not to go, so I know I’ll have at least one really good friend in town that semester to go out with. 🙂
I also really like the idea of care packages- I would love to send him something when he wasn’t expecting it.
The ONE major positive I’m getting from all this is that even though we’ll be picking out a new apartment together before he leaves, I’ll be moving into it after or shortly before he goes to Italy, so I’ll pretty much get to decorate it however I want without any male interference, haha.
Post # 5
My DH proposed right before I did a 6 month tour in Afghanistan. I was there for 3 months then home for 3 weeks for my HLTA and then gone for another 3 months. It was hard. He was able to call me whenever I was logged into Skype but other than that there was no way to get a hold of me. I called him as much as I could and we talked for as long as we could.
You guys will have to try and work out a schedule on when you will talk because with an 8 hour time difference (give or take) it makes it a little bit more difficult to keep in touch.
Another thing that will help out is local support. Spending as much time you can with friends and family will help. Hang in there. You’ll get through it.