(Closed) Bummed that my Baby Shower is a surprise…. :/

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MamaHusky3:  you get to do the wedding and all the kid’s birthday parties, but the bridal and baby showers are thrown FOR you by OTHERS.

You get no say in how people who are being so kind and generous to do this for you spend their time and money on it. NONE. Now go do some things you can control, like get thank you cards ready πŸ™‚


Relax, it will be lovely and it will be your friends and families vision of a shower for you – they get to have the vision, not you lol!!

Post # 5
46258 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Until I joined WeddingBee I had never heard of women wanting so much involvement in planning their showers- whether wedding or baby. Some of the Bees are basically doing everything from the invitation to the thank-you cards.

Showers here are  planned by those who are hosting. This time you are a guest. Relax and enjoy it.

Save all your good ideas for when you host a shower for someone else.

Post # 6
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’ve never been involved in planning any of my showers.  All I ever do is send them the list of addresses for the guests.  Every now and then I’ll have them ask what type of cake or what is the baby’s room theme.  But that’s it.  Honestly I like it being a surprise because I walk in and get to enjoy all the details and they are excited to see me enjoy it.  If I were to work right along side of them it would take that fun away.  My only request was that my baby showers not be airplane theme related.  My hubby is a pilot and our wedding/showers were airplane themed.  So for the baby’s room I stayed away from airplanes.  We got lots of airplane decor for the wedding so I didn’t want the babies room to be taken over by planes.  

Having said that my girlfriend threw me a POP shower.  They knew my craving has been popcorn.  So they did different flavors of popcorn, soda pops, pop rings, pop rock candy, cake pops… you get the idea.  It was super cute!

My mom’s family/friends did a “Little Pumpkin” theme since I’m due in a few weeks.  The cake had a little baby with pumpkins around it, they had pumpkins with pacifiers painted on them, the invitations had a pregnant girl with a black dress and witches hat.  So cute!

Relax and enjoy being pampered for a change by everyone else!  

Post # 7
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MamaHusky3:  the fact you knew you needed to be talked down shows you are not ungrateful πŸ™‚


Same as Julies – I am shocked reading about the level on bride/MTB involvement on here. If I was hosting a shower for a friend I’d say screw it if they tried to dictate or ‘help’. My bridal shower was nothing I ever would have picked/chosen/planned or gone along with and tbh I was kind of shocked considering the friend who threw it has known me for years and I had thrown her baby shower (to my vision plan and it was wonderful) but I got no say and would never have interfered and insulted her vision. I went, had fun and was honoured and thankful.

I had bought my thank you cards before hand though as that was all I could do lol!


Relax and enjoy it lady, you have much much bigger and better things to be thinking about right now that will last a lifetime!!

Post # 8
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Relax & enjoy it! I’m sure if they are your friends, then they will do you proud. (and will ask if they need input)  That said – if you have something you HATE (like the diaper/melted chocolate game) I’m sure it would be ok to give them a heads up.

Also, you could always consider throwing a little viewing party once baby arrives. It wouldn’t be a gift-party, but would give you something to plan and you could use some of your ideas.

Post # 9
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t know, I’d feel a lot like the OP in her situation. I know that etiquette dictates that the person getting the shower doesn’t have any say in it because it’s like recieving a gift, and it’s true that an over-involved bride or mom-to-be can be tyrranical to someone who’s just trying to do something nice for her. But I just hate so much ‘mommy culture’ crap and I hate the idea of having to grin through cringe-worthy shower games. My mom threw a shower for my cousin a while ago and she tried to play this obnoxious kiddie music until I turned it off. No need to infantilize ourselves before there’s even a child here to enjoy it. I just know I’d have a hard time being the center of attention and acting happy and grateful when I find everything about the party distasteful. In some cases, it can go down to deep-seated assumptions and beliefs about what motherhood means. When you and the person throwing the shower disagree about the meaning of motherhood, that can make the mom-to-be very uncomfortable. There are so many assumptions behind the gifts given, and the party as a whole. Like someone giving a children’s bible to an atheist mom. Or overly girly, princess-y stuff to a mom who’s a tomboy who wants to raise a tomboy. Or breast pump accessories to a working mom planning to use formula. Or a mother-and-child figurine to a women’s studies major who wrote a thesis on how the ideal of “the angel in the house” oppresses women. In rebelling or feeling uncomfortable about not having control over her shower, the OP might be anxious about these assumptions that people are making about her. And I think that’s wholly justified. I don’t think  that means she should swoop in and take control of the shower. But I think she should have a lot of deep conversations with the people throwing the showers about the kind of mom she wants to be. That way the women can make their own informed, sensitive choices about the kind of shower that would be appropriate for her, rather than blindly projecting their own ideas about motherhood onto her. I hope that makes sense. If it’s just about a theme that she wants, and not about potentially being offended by people making idiotic assumptions about who she is as a person, that’s less justifiable. That’s getting into momzilla territory. And I think the OP knows that, so that’s why she’s being polite.

Post # 10
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I co-hosted a shower for a dear friend a few years ago. She was really not excited about the idea at all when we first brought it up, but we talked to her about what she was nervous about. She just didn’t want shower games (she hates being the center of attention and wanted a more social atmosphere) or a bunch of presents she couldn’t use since she had loads of clothes and gear from her sister’s kids (we said no gifts required but people who wanted to could bring a children’s book). We loved having her input on what kind of shower she wanted. It was a huge success thanks to the genuine input from the guest of honor.

So, I guess my point is that if there is something that is really, really, really important it’s worth sending a brief and thoughtful email to all of the planners…especially since it sounds like they may not all know each other well and who knows how well they’re all communicating. Not about small details, but major stuff like “I’m allergic to carrot cake, just fyi.” or “I’m really uncomfortable being the center of attention and would prefer not to play any games where all attention is on me.”

I’m sure they want to throw you a shower you’ll enjoy and are probably well on the way to doing so already πŸ™‚

Post # 11
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@MamaHusky3:  I felt the same way! My sister and mom wanted to do one and it be all a suprise, and then Mother-In-Law wanted to do one too. I dont have a  lot of people to invite maybe like 15 to 20. Mother-In-Law was pressuring me to pick a theme and date when I was only 16 weeks, and we didnt even know the sex yet! My sister and mom asked if she would be willing to combine the 2 showers instead of trying to split who gets invited to which one and it all blew up! I wont even get into the horrible things she said to me about me and my family. So I am glad yours is working out! You are very lucky to have friends and family that are willing to work together. My Mother-In-Law has not talked to me or DH since she blew up about combining the showers, and has backed out of it completly. But as for the shower I will have, I started a pinterest board with ideas and my sister started off there, she will do a great job. But since it is family I felt comfortable letting them know I did have 2 requests so that I would enjoy it…no games (the goofy old games aka poopy diaper guess, pins in rice, pin the sperm on the egg, ect.) and include DH (celebrating us becoming parents and not just me becoming a mom. I hate being the center of attention and he has had to put up with me being pregnant so he deserves to be included in the fun stuff) I am excited to see how it all turns out!

Post # 12
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’m sorry, but this is a baby shower, NOT a wedding. Plenty of women don’t even have baby showers, or people to throw them, let alone bridal showers. To me, a baby shower is even less of a “thing” than bridal showers, aka not a huge life event that most people dream of having (the baby yes, not necessarily the shower). You have SEVEN people in your life who care enough about you to throw you a party because you’re about to become a parent. SEVEN people who want to celebrate you and this life change by spending money on a party for you. After that, I’m not really sure how you could find anything to complain about. 

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