Bummed with MOH.. am I wrong?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3948 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@eliseemma:   Is she upset that she is not throwing the shower by herself?    Did she want to design the bachelorette party invitation herself?  

I would suggest listening to her feelings about this – maybe she wants to be in charge of something and feels she isnt’??   I’d ask her about it.  🙂  

Post # 4
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you might be being a bit over-sensitive.

In regards to your shower, three months away is a lot of time. I don’t really understand why this is upsetting your mom…if there is nothing to tell, there is nothing to tell. TBH if your mom was calling me all the time after I told her that I would be pretty irritated.

A lot of people aren’t crafty. At all. And they just don’t enjoy that stuff. I am one of them, which is why I didn’t DIY a single thing for my wedding. And if one of my friends asked me to help with their stuff I would dread it. She’s coming over to help, and she is being there….her getting frustrated and not wanting to be crafty is not about you. Some people just don’t like that stuff. I think you’re taking this too personally.

I think you might need to tailor your expectations a bit: you can’t expect someone to do things exactly the way you would. It sounds like she is trying. Cut her some slack.

 

Post # 5
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@eliseemma:  i don’t think so. as far as your mum goes, if the shower is three months away, she needs to chill and you need to tell her so. ‘mum i’m so glad you’re excited about the shower, i am too and i’ve let moh know that you want to help which is great! she’s got a lot going on right now but is going to be planning it in february and till then i think you should just give her a little space’. it’s unfair of your mum to be ‘helping’ by hassling her about a party in 12 weeks. 

for the bachelorette party, i would have responded ‘i/ tina/lindsay have a few you could borrow’ or ‘we can go shopping soon!’ depending on her mood and financial situation. i wouldn’t press that right now, but if her attitude doesn’t improve i would do a ‘kill her with kindness scenario’. saying ‘it means so much to me that you’ve accepted the role of moh, there’s no one i’d rather spend these times with’ or whatever might turn her attitude around. she may be focusing on the fact that she can’t give you everything she thinks you deserve (bachelorette etc) instead of focusing on your gratitude. so i’d go out of my way to be super grateful and just tell her what her friendship means to you. some people might need to hear that more than once to really get it. 

Post # 6
Member
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@eliseemma: Hm. Unfortuanetly in life, you don’t always get what you give. So while it’s very nice of you to go apartment hunting with her and help her with that endeavor, it doesn’t necessarily mean she has to give as much back. I was MOH for my best friend last year and I spent a lot of time planning her shower, bachelorette, and getting the other BM’s to contribute to the night before the wedding partying so it’s not like I was a “slacker” or wanting to do the bare minimum, but I did NOT have any interest in helping her with DIY projects or planning the wedding in any way. It’s just not the job of a MOH and some people simply are interested in those things. I don’t think you can get upset with her for not wanting to help with a wedding project.

Also the shower is not a must for the MOH. If your mom wants to plan it and host it, then she can do it with or without your MOH (although I guess that’s technically not proper etiquette for immediate family). If your MOH doesn’t want to plan this far out, but is still happy to host it, then honestly your mom needs to let it go for now. 3 months is a good chunk of time to plan a shower and your MOH sounds like she has other things on her plate. Your mom getting her feelings hurt over being gunho to plan the shower before the host is not really the host’s fault. 

Post # 7
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

@eliseemma:  Well, the old saying is “no one will be as excited about your wedding as you”, but it still hurts, especially when you seem to be a great friend to her. You said she had a lot going on and that stress is taking priority in her mind right now. I’m sorry you all can’t be excited together. It sucks. I can understand why you’re bummed–especially when you’re going through a very exciting time in your life. Honestly, I’d have a heart-to-heart with her and just tell her how you feel and ask her, too, about what’s happening in her life as I’m sure she is stressed about that. You seem like a really good friend who is not asking too much of her MoH. You’ve also really stepped up to help her out it sounds like. You sound genuinely bummed out that she can’t share your excitement, and at the same time, she sounds like she is going through stuff in her life right now that she needs to focus on as well. Hopefully you two will work things out and everything will be great! Congrats on your upcoming wedding and keep being excited! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@eliseemma:  But if your MOH doesn’t have anything to tell her, then your mom needs to chill until she does. Your MOH said she wants the help…when it’s time for help, she’ll contact her. This doesn’t have to become an issue.

 

Post # 12
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think your MOH should have at least responded to your mom, and I think the little black dress comment was out of line unless she literally can’t even afford a $10 Goodwill dress, in which case you’d probably already know that.

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