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I've actually heard of a lot of brides paying their own way for weekend-in-vegas type bachelorettes - I think it would break the budget of most bridesmaids to pay their own way + 1/4th of the bride's.
I understand wanting fun parties, but asking them to spend $200 each to pay for a luncheon seems like a LOT - could you suggest they ask guests to chip in, or skip the lunch and just do tea, since it sounds like you're more excited about the tea than the lunch? If it's about half the cost, I don't see why they couldn't drop the lunch and keep the tea instead of the other way around.
In the end, remember that these girls care about you and that you enjoy spending time with them - that's why they're your bridesmaids, not because you expect them to spend hundreds of dollars on you by the time the wedding rolls around!
I agree with daydreamer. I would expect to pay for my own way for a weekend trip. Even if they come from money, I wouldn't expect them to contribute it for fun parties. I can understand that it is frustrating when they tell you one thing and then have to scale it back due to money. They should think it through before promising something - and I agree with that.
I like Daydreamer's idea of scaling it down to just high tea instead of lunch . . . $43 per person for lunch and tea seems a bit much. Are their other venue options?
I agree with you that you shouldn't be selfish and ask them to shell out more for a lunch.
I'm not sure that I totally agree with your first statement. Bridesmaids are responsible for quite a bit. Dress, shoes, accessories, undergarmets, alterations, parties, showers, etc, etc.
It is a little brutal that the bridesmaids got a free steak dinner. That's not appropriate.
I'm starting to learn that this whole process is about what others want to do for you, not what you think they can do for you.
I've been on the bitter bus a little about some of my wedding process. Things I want that I can't get.
I agree with your frusterating about them wanting to do things cheaply but at the same time the wedding process is not cheap for a bridesmaid. I stood up for a friend over the summer and it ended up costing around $1500.
Umm.. to be honest people should just do what they can afford. And if brides want more than their friends can give them, then they need to get over themselves. I'm now a bride-to-be and I don't expect my BMs to suddenly start revolving their life (time, travel, and finances) around my upcoming wedding. For my friend's wedding, the two of us BMs responsible for the bachelorette party couldn't foot the bill for some weekend getaway or dinner. So we decorated my apartment super cute, made some rum punch and delicious snacks, and planned really awesome fun games--and everyone had a blast. And, the bride didn't pay a cent, and no one was bitter about overextending themselves.
Also, your BMs are shelling out a lot of money to be a part of YOUR day. They've probably purchased an expensive dress you chose for them, perhaps even accessories, and may be traveling or even taking off of work for all of the wedding activities. All that for someone's else's shining day.. just keep it in mind when dealing with them :)
Buying a Coach bag vs. spending a couple hundred on high tea for a friend's bridal shower = not comparable. Moreover, giving them a nice rehearsal dinner does not mean that they have to earn it by shelling out hundreds of dollars on your pre-wedding celebrations. Not everyone has the budget that you do.
Your BMs are not required to do anything buy buy a dress and show up on time... And you need to let them sort out the shower, as the bride you should have nothing to do with the planning of the shower since it's a party thrown in your honor.
I feel that when you ask your bridesmaids to be in your wedding they are accepting and saying yes to a lot of responsibilities. That's why you ask them and not tell them! I'm 23 and all my bridesmaids are around the same age. I love them dearly but they have barely done anything.
Some of them had to pay a little bit more for their dresses because despite beggining them to order them asap, some had to pay for a rush. They won't need to purchase shoes as we'll be wearing flip flops and I'm purchasing jewelry.
They never helped with the bridal shower. My mother put out a good $1200 for it. I've done all my projects on my own, I've done all the tastings etc. on my own.
Even non-monatary ways they can help, they've wanted to do nothing. I know that in the future when accepting a position in the wedding party I'll be sure that not only I have the funds but the time as well. I hope when my girls get married they'll look back and understand a little more...
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I know that financially the bridesmaids are responsible for very little. The dress, the shoes, the accessories...
My bridesmaids were really pumped to pick Las Vegas for my bachelorette party destinations. The MOH freaked out while planning because the vacation package she was thinking of fell through and she wanted to give up because she couldn't advance the amount for tickets and hotel reservations. I offered to advance the amount after I found a vacation package that worked within their budgets.
They didn't offer to pay for anything during my bachelorette party in Vegas. I was responsible for my own meals, my hotel room and my flight. This bachelorette party cost me about $700 all together
One person went was not a bachelorette and paid for dinner at a steakhouse where two bridesmaids got filet mignon and glasses of wine. Free dinner for them and $320 for the girl who paid.
I offered for my MOH to spend the night with me in a hotel room before the wedding but I am not charging her for it.
For the Bridal Shower, My MOH had her heart set on a tea room nearby that one of the bridesmaids works at. Unfortunately, she estimated and collected $100 per bridesmaid (4 bridesmaids including herself) for what will be $640.00 bill. After inviting 15 people, she now wants to cut everything in half price-wise by cancelling the high tea part and just getting lunch. This would give them $400 to use towards a $320 bill. If I want the high tea that this place is known for, I will need to shell out for it myself. There are no favors yet. I really wanted my mom to experience this place with their high tea because I really love it
Everything just seems badly planned. They have a nice rehearsal dinner coming to them, plus they will get jewelry as gifts from me.
I just wish they hadn't overextended themselves. Two of them come from money and are willing to spend it on themselves (Coach purses, anybody? buying 4 at a time?), but nobody else. Its frustrating that they want to do things cheaply but I feel selfish for wanting them to pay for things