Post # 1
So DH’s brother and SIL had their baby and they posted some pictures on facebook last night. The pictures made me burst into tears, literally. The only thing I kept thinking is that I don’t know if I can give that to my husband. I’ve been having gynecological problems for the last two years and we are trying to figure it out. I have another appointment with a new doctor in September but I am so terrified that everything that’s been happening is something that it’s going to lead to infertility. I feel so crazy, but just seeing their baby just made me snap. I look at my SIL (and I love her so much, she is the sweetest person in the world) and I just feel like a failure. She has two jobs, one of those is just as a hobby, she’s crafty and creative, she’s super organized, there is never a thing out of place in their home, she’s appears to be so perfect. I realize no one is perfect, I realize every one has problems, I realize that they are both a bit older than us and therefore it’s expected that they have their life a little more on track than us. I realize all of this rationally but irrationally, I feel so awful and inferior. I don’t have a job, I feel awful every other day from cramps, sex is painful (not during but afterwards), my student loan payments are starting to come in, I’m worried about if I can give my husband the family he wants and while DH says we’re going to be fine, I just can’t believe it.
Ugh, I don’t know what I expected this post to do, I guess it’s good to just get it out. Thanks for letting me vent.
Post # 3
Cheer up! I just have to say that there’s a reason your Fiance chose YOU. I would stop comparing yourself to her and hope for the best. Perhaps you could throw yourself into something to keep you occupied, like getting into the best shape possible? There are always alternatives and who knows, the less stress you have the better chances at conceiving? I wish you the best!
EDIT: If you don’t have a job when your loans come due, contact the lender!
Post # 4
Oh man..you have so much going on right now. Try to focus on one thing at a time. First, don’t compare yourself to your sister-in-law. She is not you! (All of us could compare ourselves to somebody else that we think is better, has it together, etc. but that won’t get us anywhere). Your hubby married you and LOVES YOU!!!
Work on the medical issues (cramps and other issues..and the painful sex aftermath). Can you get an earlier appt. somehow or must you wait until Sept.?
Are you looking for a job? Does your hubby have a decent job while you look for one?
Hang in there!! Sounds like you have so much going on right now. Can you try to relax for a day-perhaps go out with him, just get away? Or have a romantic dinner at home? (((Hugs)))
Edit: If you are keen on the idea, perhaps you could go see a counselor who may really help!!! May help to talk things through with a professional. 🙂
Post # 5
I use to have that problem too after making love. But I found what helped a lot is the speed. Change it to slow and see how it is. It’s amazing. For the baby part, I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. But don’t think about it too much. Everything will happen in its own time. Don’t focus on something too much. Instead, enjoy a romantic night with your SO and see what happens later on in the night. Don’t worry. You’ll be ok.
Post # 6
I’m sorry that you are feeling soo sad. It does NO good to compare your life with someone else’s. Outward appearances can be just that. Not that they have a bad life, or you do either. It is just different. Life takes us in different directions. I know when I was younger, I often felt similar, in regards to seeing other people’s lives in regards to mine. Well, other people got divorced, another had a child die, another had a spouse that had cancer. I am sooo blessed. It is easy to see now that I wouldn’t wanted to have traded places with any of these people now. If you believe in God, know that he will never give you more than you can handle. We all have our difficulties in life. No matter how “perfect” somebody else’s life may look like in the moment. Do things that will make you feel good about you and think about being with your FI for your new lives together. Perhaps if you can’t have your own biological baby, maybe you can adopt someone that needs a good family that you two can provide. And you never know, God works in mysterious ways. I knew a couple that neither were supposed to be able to have a baby, they adopted a young child, and then they did have their own baby later! Do your best to Focus on the good you have in your life. Best Wishes for a long and happy life!!!
Post # 7
Have you ever read the desiderata? My parents kept a copy hanging in our house and my mom always had me read it, and it always made me feel better. Sometimes, things happen for a reason and we can’t always understand why. And i do hope you dont compare yourself too much to your SIL, even if you do feel awful and disorganized, you are a wonderful person too in your own way. You probably have friends whom secreetly admire your strengths and you don’t even realize it. Take heart in what your DH says, because he is right ;o).
On another note, you stated that sex feels painful afterwards, but not during. Have you ever heard of human seminal plasma hypersensitivity? Google the symptons and see if that sounds like you.
Post # 8
@beekiss- yeah I have been trying to do the couch to 5k program, it’s a nice goal to have and it helps me relax. We aren’t actively trying to concieve right now but with all the problems I have make me really nervous.
@Jenn- I totally know that I am not her, we are two very different people, with very different lives and I realize that. I know that my husband loves me immensely. As for the medical issues, since it is a new doctor, I have to wait as a new patient. I dont’ know if maybe I could get a referal from my PCP and see if someone could get me in sooner. I am looking for a job constantly and my hubby has a fantastic job. I think the get away thing is a good idea. We have to travel to see our new nephew this weekend and I think maybe we’ll stay over night to have a nice night to ourselves.
Thanks to both of you!
Post # 9
You do have a ton on your plate! Try to take everything in stride. You mentioned your SIL is older than you, so they may have their life more in order which is understandable.
Try not to jump to conclusions with the gyno issues you’ve been having until you are 100% sure there is something happening that will prevent you from having children. It doesn’t sound like you’re ready for a baby right now anyway, so try not to worry about the things you can’t control right now. Try to get yourself an earlier appointment so that you’re in the know, and good luck with everything!
Post # 10
You are just at a place where everything has built up and come into perspective at this moment in time. I am in that place right now too, but for reasons of my own!
I just want to say to you that even though things seem ridiculous and that nothing will work out right now, they will be ok. Your FI is right. There are so many unknowns in our futures and until we get to the point where we have to deal with each thing, they are not worth worrying about. (Ok so I am a big “worrier” myself and this is definitely easier said than done!) Look at what you have that is great in your life – it could be something small like you are happy you got the vacuuming done today or something bigger like you have a great FI who loves you and doesn’t want you to be upset. Think about the positive. There is negative everywhere we look and it cannot be avoided, but sometimes you just have to say NO to the negative and be happy for yourself. It may take some work and some time, but things WILL be ok.
As for the possibly infertility – there are lots of people who are still able to conceive, even with previous gynecological issues. I wouldn’t worry about this too much until you begin TTC. There are always other options if your are infertile though.
I hope you feel better soon! 🙂
Post # 11
@FutureMrsTal: I’m also doing the C25K and I have some of the same issues you’re going through. I just look at my Fiance and feel blessed that he’s in my life. He picked me when he could have chosen someone else! The C25K has made me feel like I’m achieving something when everything else seems lackluster. I really hope your dr helps you and some quality time with your hubby will also help 🙂
Post # 12
I agree with Dance – when you already have worries, don’t add more to your plate. Only worry about what you can control right now – try and get an earlier appointment, try to breathe, and focus on what’s going well. You just got married! Congratulations 🙂 Deal with things as they come up and vent as you need to but keep the big picture in mind.
Post # 13
@gtxmsred- We have tried slowing down with sex and it doesn’t really work for me. Thanks for the suggestion tho.
@rlsulli- I know God would never would give me more than I can handle, thank you for reminding me of that. I know it will all work out eventually it is just hard right now!
@Twinkletoes- I haven’t read that, I will go read it now, thank you for the suggestion. I haven’t looked into human seminal plasma hypersensitivity either, I will see if any of my symptoms correlate with that.
@2peasinaPod- No we are not ready for a baby at all, we are waiting at least 2 years before we are going to start trying to concieve. It was more my husbands face when he saw his nephew and my own problems that have be concerned right now. I have a tendancy to be a worrier, it’s awful but I don’t know how to stop.
Post # 14
It’s definitely always going to be in the back of your mind. I have had a few gyno issues myself, and I always worry that when we start TTC, that I won’t get pregnant. It’s one of my biggest fears in life, but I can’t worry about it until we get to that point. If I do, I’d drive myself insane with worry!
I’m glad you’re doing the C25K – that will help you relieve some of the pressure you have on yourself for all of these things. It will be something you can look forward to, and you’ll feel so accomplished when you’re done! Once you’ve done the 5K, keep running! Sign up for another 5K and just keep yourself focused on the next thing.
Things will certainly work out. Just take everything in stride…one thing at a time and try to keep your stress level down as much as you can.
Post # 15
You are always going to be worried about it- but stressing about it makes it MUCh worse. It seems like your husband is very understanding. I am sure it will all work out.