(Closed) Business of Birth, Midwives, Freaked out DH

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You are the one having the baby, you have the right to determine what your birth plan is like. 

Post # 4
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

The correct title, I believe, is The Business of Being Born. I’m not sure why that one would freak him out in that direction… it pushed me the other way. I want to have home-births and my husband agrees with my decision.

Show your hubby another one called Orgasmic Birth. I believe you can get it from netflix.

Post # 5
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@rosworms:  + 1

I loved that film. It actually convinced me NOT to have a hospital birth. All that business about inducing and needless epidural and the positioning during birth. I’m surprised by his reaction. But you have some time. And while I believe as a father he should have some input, unless he is willing to push a watermelon out of his pee hole, ultimately it’s not really up to him. /-:

Post # 6
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Awww sweetie I’m sorry you’re feeling alone. Maybe give it a break for a day or two and then approach it a little differently. Explain to him like you just explained it to us: Your first birth wasn’t what you expected and for the second you’d like to experience it differently. I think a lot of men are scared of the “What if” factor: What if something happens and there’s not a doctor to intervene? What if you change your mind and you want drugs? What if what if what if.

Maybe see if he’d at least be open to meeting with a local midwife with you to talk about it. At the end of the day you want your birth to be as pleasant an experience as you can manage for all of you. It’s your body and your birth plan, but if he’s unhappy about it and you can tell, it’s not going to make anything easier for you on the day. 

Maybe a birthing centre would be a good compromise if there’s one near you? The one my best friend is going to is attached to a hospital.

ETA – I’d just like to agree with the PPs that The Business of Being Born really opened my eyes too. We’re planning a home birth (but I reserve the right to change my mind should I want/need to) with our midwives.

Post # 7
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Also, my best friend had the option of a doula-embracing hospital and she said it was the best of both worlds. Maybe do some research in your area about alternative birthing units and go check  them out together.

Post # 8
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Pregnant in America is another good documentary. Maybe it could help get him on board? I’m sorry you are feeling alone in this. Just know that we’re always here for you! 

Post # 9
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

@baletrina:  Tell him when he gives birth he can have whoever he wants in the room.  He should be trying to make you as comfortable as possible.  

Post # 10
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My SO and I watched this and while he was thoroughtly grossed out he found it very interesting. I’m sorry your DH is not being very opened about but maybe it’s just the shock of it all. Let it all simmer for a few days. But like PP suggested show him the other documentaries and see how he feels about them. 

Also I believe both of you should have a say on how your child comes into this world but ultimately this is your body. You know what’s best for your body and your baby.

Post # 11
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it’s completely unfair to say that since the husband isn’t pushing the child out himself, that he doesn’t have much of a say in regards to the birth plan. How ridiculous! So he doesn’t get a say in what goes on during the birth but I’m sure he is expected to participate in stinky diapers and midnight feedings all the same right? 

OP I would not mention or bring up that since he isn’t “birthing the child” himself, that he has no say in what you decide. That in my opinion is extremely childish and will only make things even worse. Instead perhaps come to a compromise on what would make you BOTH feel more comfortable. Unless you are having the child as a single mother, the father should and would best be included in EVERYTHING from birth to regular doctor visits. 

Post # 12
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@PinkMermaid: Honestly, in most areas I agree that compromises are a mandatory part of parenting, but giving birth is something so hugely personal/potentially painful/ scary, that unless it is a decision that is not safe for the mother or the baby, the mother should be given leeway to make the decision for herself as to how she wants to go about it. 

I would never presume to try to mandate a surgical choice that my FI would want/need to make- it his body and he has the ultimate control over it. While I would voice my opinion if I was concerned, I would respect his ability to govern himself and would hope that he would do the same for me.

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