Post # 1
If I hear this phrase one more time I am going to loose my mind.
Does anyone else have to deal with this?
MY FMIL was/is a sinlge mother and my FI was her only child. I can get on board with this being extra special for her. The part that is driving me nuts is that she is using this phrase to basically say that since my parents have 2 other children that our wedding is not as special or important for them. I mean seriously, I am my parents only Stephanie. Not to mention my only sister suffers from agoraphobia (basically is afraid to leave the house). Just because my parents have 2 other children does not entitile her to more privaliges/guests/say in the wedding. My parents are paying for the wedding so if anything they should ahve the msot say out of anyone.
Any suggestions, experinces, or anyone else want to gripe about this topic?
Post # 3
Have you FI deal with it. You do not want to start a toxic relationship with your FMIL. I could see if she was paying for the entire thing, but she’s not. I would ask her what she would like to be a part of, but I would leave bringing up the other stuff to your FI.
Post # 4
I don’t have any advice or experience, I just wanted to say that I feel for you! HUGS!
Post # 5
ugh annoying – i agree with tattoo on this one – let the FI deal with it
Post # 6
@Miss Tattoo: Unfortunately the relationship is already fairly toxic. She is hands down the most dificult person I have ever encounted. According to her the world revolves around her and she always get what she wants. It is like having a 55 year old teen ager for a FMIL
I know I will come off as very crude, especially when I mention that we are living with her due to the fact that she is terminally ill. I wish I could blame her personality on the chemo and radiation, but unfortunatly she has always been this way. I have tried my hardest to make her feel included in the wedding planning process and to include her opnion where possible, but no matter what I do I always hear “but he is my only son.” I just don’t know how many more times I can hear it with out loosing my cool.
Post # 7
I had to do a double take because this is my FMIL! She is driving me up the wall. I feel like I’m actually living the movie Monster In Law. Let the FH deal with it but also make sure you stand your ground, this is YOUR wedding.
Post # 8
Maybe you could point out that he’s going to be your only husband.
Post # 9
Tell her this is YOUR only wedding. Assuming she was married at some point, she got her wedding. But I agree, he should say something. She would probably listen to him and sounds like she might resent you if you had the conversation.
Post # 11
Don’t get sarcastic or catty with her. Just let him be the one to handle her straight from the get-go. That way you’re not put on the spot, she’s not offended, and you can have a surface but amicable relationship. 😉
Post # 12
I would let it slide, and try to be as reasonable as possible with her. I mean, the lady is dying.
Post # 13
When men are the only children of single mothers, they should have to wear warning signs. I’m in your boat too, my friend!
I think your situation is so difficult, because of her illness. My heart goes out to you and your FH. It’s tough, an awful situation, and yeah – totally unfair. Maybe you could sit down with her and ask her what her most important wishes are – her top three – and let her have what she really wants, within reason? Be it a special dance with her son, a special dessert, etc?
Post # 14
my FSIL said this about my fiance!!! “but he’s my only brother, this is my only chance to plan a wedding” even though she was just married last year!
Post # 15
@yassim that’s just ridiculous!
Post # 16
Maybe say each time in response to “he’s my only son” something like “thank you, I’m so happy he’s going to be my only husband” only not so clunky as that.
I find with people like this, it’s no use to try to reason with them. There’s no line of logical reasoning that you could present that’s going to make them change their mind; they’re being guided by emotion, and that’s based on a lot of things that you just can’t change. Decide on doing something fair, and then patiently and calmly state what that is whenever the topic comes up. Yes, it’ll be a lot of repitition, but if you try to come up with something new to try to convince her, you’ll end up exausting yourself.
Of course I’m assuming worst case scenario from your post. You might not have things to that extent.