Post # 1
My Fiance & I are getting married on the beach in July. Its just going to be a small ceremony with just our parents and our brothers (+ their siginificat other).
I’ve been wracking my brain trying to find a hotel this week and book all 5 rooms at the same time so we get a decent deal. I’m trying to include everyones wants, opinions, etc. I emailed some to my brothers gf and she wrote back that they would be going to the beach the saturday before… umm, what?
The wedding is Thursday morning & we are all going down Wed and going back home on Saturday. This is the only honeymoon we’ll get… I feel like we are sharing our honeymoon with everyone and that felt fine (at first). Now I feel like I am being completely jipped.
We’ve been engaged for 5 stinking years & this is suppose to be our day – FINALLY. And we are choosing to share it with the people we love most. There are a few things I wanted us all to do together, but it won’t matter if they already do it. And the talk won’t be about the wedding I’ve be waiting to have… but what they’ve done since they have been there. I want it all to be new and fresh & fun. Not “ew don’t go there” “that was so fun you should’ve been there” (grr)
I know this is crazy & jealous. But I wish I had the nerve to kind of say something. But I’m sure it would be inappropriate. It wouldn’t bother me if they stayed the week after… I’m so frustrated.
Thanks for reading if you took the time to. I just needed to get that off my chest :/ Am I being totally irrational?
Post # 3
This sounds like a destination wedding? hit honk when you choose to potentially cost yourguests a lot of time and money to get to your wedding you have to be open to them going when they want and doing what they want when they get there. We attended a dw in Hawaii and arrived a week prior becauss we HAD to leave the next day and weren’t about to go to Hawaii for three days. So yeah by the time the bride and groom and most guests arrived we’d been there, done that for most things.
Post # 4
I don’t see why there’s a problem with them making a vacation out of it. They’re spending the time and money to get to your Destination Wedding, so they should be able to decide to stay longer to get a full vacation. Even if people use your Destination Wedding for a vacation, it doesn’t make you’re wedding any less special.
Post # 5
@luckymomma87: Although it’s normal for a bride to feel a little extra sensitive about things involving her big day, I would try to not let this situation bother me if I were you. What your brother and his GF plan to do prior to the day your wedding festivities begin should not really matter, unless their actions could directly affect their ability to participate in/attend your ceremony and reception. Beyond that, I wouldn’t get stressed out about any vacation plans they may be making outside of the timeframes of your wedding-related activites.
Post # 6
we only accept Destination Wedding invites if its a place we want to visit and then we add a week or so to it because i begrudge spending all that money on airfare/hotels/vacation days just for a wedding
be happy they are coming – what they do before or after your wedding is their business
Post # 7
Thanks for your responses. The beach is only a 3 hour drive. I know we are asking alot just to ask people to miss work & go but told them no gifts. All we want is for everyone to be there with us. Thanks for putting things in perspective. I won’t worry about it too much.
Must be a sibling thing, my brother always makes my life difficullt, lol. ]]
Post # 8
Yeah I don’t see a problem with what they are doing either. Good luck with everything!
Post # 9
I understand why you are upset, but I think this goes along with the destination wedding idea– along with not everyone being able to attend, etc.
Personally, my Fiance and I have NEVER been on vacation out of our province. We’ve been skrimping and saving for so many things there is never more than a few hundred in the vacation fund. If we “had” to go to a destination wedding, I would have done a week long vacation as well since it wouldn’t cost much more money– and that is usually Sat to Sat or Sun to Sun.
I’m sorry your feelings are hurt, but this is the reality of Destination Wedding.
Post # 10
I have to admit I don’t understand either. Personally I couldn’t handle being with everyone the whole time anyway. I think it’s pretty normal for the guests to add days for themselves. I say let it go it just isn’t worth getting worked up about!
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Sorry, but since you asked, I don’t understand why you’d be upset, either. Sounds like they want to go down and relax before hand. Yes, the wedding day is your day, but the week is not.
If there are specific things you want to do together, you could come up with a schedule of a few events, but keep in mind some of this can also be dependent on the weather. For example, if you’re going to Virginia Beach, and you want everyone to go parasailing or kayaking- you could get group rates for Friday or Saturday, but they may want to leave the day after the wedding if there’s something at home they want to do.
Post # 12
When you ask your loved ones to travel to a Destination Wedding, you have to expect that they will do what they want during the times that they are not attending your actual wedding festitivies. If I spent my hard earned money to jet set to your nuptials, I would make sure that I made the most out of the experience and that includes doing what I want to do with my time there. You can’t expect everyone to just sit around for days and focus on your wedding when they’ve used their vacation time and spent their money to attend. This IS their vacation, even if it’s your Honeymoon, too.
Post # 13
I felt the same way. My Fiance has zero clue how a honeymoon in your ladies mind and to us…normaly is to be. We argues over his friends making plans after the wedding to do things, i even got snotty with one of his friends wife about it…she said “Well i see my husband all the time i want to spend time with friends” i said “well it my honeymoon the day after the wedding and i want to spend time with my husband not your!” yep my Fi was upset. Now after time goes by he is telling people “you have me till after the wedding then i think i am on lock down” lol as friends take it as funny they are also realizing iits our time after for privacy. Try not to stress like i did…at the end of the day when it comes to it you two will do what you want regardless of what everyone else does. 🙂
Hope all this makes Since given i am horrific at the ipad typing
Post # 14
I’m with most everyone else on why this is an example of your brother making life difficult. The biggest issue I could see is potentially the hotel, but any hotel should be able to handle the reservation of 4 rooms for the same period, but one room for a few days more. It would be no different than if the Bride & Groom were the ones arriving early for set up/rehearsal/picking up a license and the guests didn’t arrive until shortly before the event.
Also, even if they did follow your plan perfectly, I don’t think you’ll escape comments about activities. If you’re really only 3 hours away from there, aren’t members of your family likely to have either been before or at least heard of things to do that are worth it/not worth it?
Post # 15
I’m with all previous posters, if someone is going to go far to be at your wedding they should be able to go ahead of time or stay late. I would say, if there are specific things you’d like to do as a group like see a certain site or do a certain activity, its not too much to ask them to wait until everyone is there. (i.e. if you want to rent beach bikes as a group, ask them to hold off until everyone has arrived). This is kind of the “price” you pay for having people along on your honeymoon/wedding.
Post # 16
They are going up the week before your wedding? That’s what we planned for a cousins wedding, as others have mentioned it’s a lot of money and time to go to a dw, and in our heads going the week before was kosher…as the week after would have definately infringed on their homeymoon