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That does suck! Too bad you can't ask her to change her name. I wonder why she hasn't changed it?
I have never quite understood why you'd want to keep your name the same after a divorce, especially with no children involved -- maybe too much paperwork?
My aunt still uses her last name from her marriage that ended years ago.
I'm sorry. At least she isn't Mrs. G anymore, she is Ms. G. Doesn't make it much better but better than nothing!
honestly i believe it's too much paperwork. i have two friends at work - one who just got married and another who's getting married in october.
the one who just got married FINALLLLY changed her last name after having been divorced for 10 years and the other one has been divorced for 2 years and is waiting to get remarried to change hers (funny thing is - the first girl was married to this other girl's brother so her name that she FINALLY changed is this other girl's maiden name...lol)
but anywhoo - I know that both girls just said going back to their maiden name is just too much work. but i can't tell you how HAPPY the first girl was to get rid of that name! and I know my other friend will be too!
I'm sorry though - i know that'd probably irk me to be "Mrs. ***" when there's another one out there too.
course my weird issue - as excited as I am to become Mrs. H - the fact that Mrs. H is also his mom! ack! lol
@MissAsB....my aunt still used...and was always referred to as Mrs. even though she was divorced.
This is what I got when I googled
Emily Post's book of Etiquette says, a married woman uses her husbands first and last name after the honourific Mrs.
Mrs. John Smith or Mrs. J.Smith
A divorced woman who continues to use her ex-husbands last name is still entitled to the honourific Mrs. but uses her own first name
Mrs. Mary Smith or Mrs. M. Smith
If she reverts to her maiden name, she also reverts to Miss.
Miss. Mary Jones or Miss. M. Jones
EDIT: Regardless of who has the name...YOU have the man =)
aww I"m sorry, but hey at least YOU'LL be married to him! Not her, and you'll have kids with him and live happily ever after lol
I just don't get it. I would do the stinkin' paperwork- why would you want to be reminded everyday that you're no longer married to him! They were very young when they got married - so come on!! I just wish I could tell her "whaaaaaa- that's my name!!" hahahaah. This sounds incredibly stupid but as we all know- wedding planning tends to make us all a bit crazy!! Oh well- we are trying on bridesmaids dresses tomorrow and then shopping and margaritas! Woohoo!! Thanks ladies! Just being able to type these things helps so much!
That's weird that Emily Post says that you keep a Mrs. when you aren't married anymore.
I do agree that I see a lot of people who keep their name after getting divorced. It is a lot of work to change your name once and in the case of my friend, she didn't want to change it back again within a year.
My mom still uses my dad's name. She said it was so much work changing it in the first place that she can't imagine changing it back. It could be career-based though too. If his ex has built a client base, published papers, or anything else while she was married to him then I think it would make sense to keep the name just for the sake of consistency.
@JamaicaBride : You are right! I just addressed the invite to my aunt (who still uses her married name) and she is technically still Mrs!
HAHA! I wish it were for work purposes- but I don't think anyone at the coffehouse cares what her last name is.
I have debated keeping my own name for those purposes, however~ we live in a small town and I am in a competitive business and have worked very hard to create a name for myself but I think people will still get it :)
Move over MS.G there's a new MRS. in town!!
My MIL still uses her married name even though she has been divorced for like 15 years. And my FIL has remarried. Twice. I think her reasoning is something very pious about her marriage being sworn before God blah blah blah. I don't think she was being so pious when she cheated on FIL. And had another man's baby. Yeah...
I can totally relate..,though I feel petty that I even care. My FI's ex-wife still uses his name, ten years after their divorce. Because they had kids, she is still part of our lives. I just hope that EVENTUALLY she will remarry and take her new husband's name. That should solve the problem.
OMG I am in the same boat!!! My FH was married before and his ex still uses his last name. They have been divorced for 4 years. They have no children and there was no reason not to change her name back. The last name is not common so it will be strange to see 2 different "Ms. M's floating around. But we all know how pathetic this woman is. All I know is that if I was in her position I couldn't wait to have my maiden name back!
I hope that she gets remarried and gets a new name sooner than later but I have the feeling that she is going to be a very unhappy single cow for a while... god I really do not like that woman! end rant.
Right or wrong i'd feel the same way! I would probably have a bridal hoodie that read The Mrs G ;)
Ugh, that would bug me too. My aunt kept her ex-husband's last name because it was too much of a hassle for her to change it back. I agree with bobbypinpearls - at least YOU will have him, not her!
FI's mom still uses her married name, even though she and his dad are divorced. I think since they were married for 20+ years, she probably relates to that name more than she does to her maiden name.
My parents have been divorced for 12 years and my mom never changed her name back or got re-married. I actually wish she would have changed her name back (and mine, too!).
@ shunned, my situation was the same as yours. It did bug me too. Eventually my Dh's ex remarried. So yippy. But I have a friend who divorced. She eventually changed back to her maiden name, then remarried and changed again. I know she said if she had to do it again, she wouldn't bother changing her name unless she got maried again. I think it is because of the hassle. But I got the impression the hassle is even greater when you get divorced tha nwhen you get married. Could be wrong. Maybe someone else can chime in.
I can understand that sometimes divorced women keep their ex-husband's name because they want to keep the same name as their children. Or maybe they had a difficult to spell or pronounce maiden name and want to keep the ex-husband's simpler last name. I can also understand if they have established a career in the married name and don't want to change it once they are "known" as that name.
But I don't know that I really buy the "it's just too much hassle to change" argument. I have changed my name twice (and will do so one more time after I'm married). It really is not that big of a deal. You get a new social security card, a new driver's license (which you do every few years anyway) and then start changing things. If you are excited about your name change (like you just got married to the man of your dreams and can't wait to use his name OR you just got rid of that *&$# jerk you can't stand and whose name you hate being stuck with), the actual name changing process is actually something you enjoy doing.
I suspect, that in *some* cases, saying "it's too much of a hassle" really means she doesn't really WANT to change her name back. Maybe because she still has feelings for him, maybe because she is mad at him or hurt by being "left" and wants to stick it to him by using his name. I'm not saying by any means that that is the case for everyone who does that (and in my mother's generation, women rarely took maiden names back for any reason)....but that I am guessing that it happens.
IM IN THE SAME BOAT!! I know exactly how you feel. At one point she even got mad bc my stepson calls me Jenny and she says thats her nickname....Reallly??? Your son doesn't call you Jenny!
Anyway I know how you feel and after a few months of being married I just don't think about it. The worst part is when the insurance company or the pharmacy gets used mixed up.
Don't worry too much about it...try to remember that he divorced her! Hopefully she will get married someday and you will have his kids and you will all share the family name.
Oh you poor thing. That would bother me too. You're right that there's nothing you can do about it, but the one thing you do have power over is how you view it. I agree with the other posters who say that you've got the man. Once you're married, you'll be the "real" Mrs.
@Neva...I think the amount of hassle depends on how much "stuff" you have accumulated. I know that when I get married...that will be my ONLY name change. I have property, 401K, pension, stock, life insurance, etc. that will need to be changed over to my new name. That's not counting bank accounts, license, SS card, etc. That is a LOT of hassle. For me...it will be much easier to take my husbands name...and then keep it regardless of divorce or not.
I am divorced (no kids) and I didn't change my name after the divorce. There was no animosity and I like the 'new' name (which I'd had for close to 10 years) better than my maiden name. I have never understood why some people were surprised I didn't change my name.
I will change my name when I remarry. I have to say, I stress over a lot of things with BF's ex, but the name isn't one of them. I guess I just don't care about names as much as other people (yet I am really excited to change mine again).
Jason's ex still has his last name too, and it bugs the crap out of me. we live in a small town so it's not like no-one links the two... it's CONSTANT. :(
I am divorced, with one child, and I have kept the ex's last name. Because we were married for 10 years- it became who I am. After 10 years I didn't relate to my maiden name anymore. Maybe if we were only married for 6 months it would be different. I also intend to keep the name when I remarry- and just hyphenate it.
I can totally understand your frustration---but it's also weird! Even if I had children, I wouldn't keep my former husband's last name and I'd change it back. Yes, it would be a pain and take time, but I would need that separation for myself to get on with the rest of my life. I'm one of those girls--got to get rid of any evidence our relationship existed and box it away so I don't cry day after day.
Any chance he'd be willing to take YOUR name? ;-)
Seriously though, since it's the last of your line perhaps he'd be open to it. That's what my FI is doing and it's pretty cool.
I'm so glad to know that I'm not totally insane for feeling this way- and that I'm not the only one! She just seems rather pathetic so the chances of her remarrying are slim to none. Oh well- none of Mr G's friends like her so it's not as if we'll run into her in the same circle and be forced to spend time with her. We hardly ever spend time in Mr G's hometown now that he's "bandless" so no worries. You gals are great! I *heart* wedding bee!!
I don't know if Howard's ex is still using his last name.... Dang! Now, I have to find out! It would really piss me off if she was still using it. I wonder how do the men feel about having their ex and their current wife sharing his lastname.
It can actually be a big deal- I know a woman who used her ex's last name and often acted like they were still married on some sort of paperwork, it ended up messing up the ex husband's credit because creditors thought they were still married and she filed for bankrupcy.
But, often it can just plain be a problem trying to change it, my FMIL tried to change hers back, but after 20 years of marriage nobody she had current relationships with had ever known her as Ms.S way back when, so... it didn't work, she stayed Mrs. T to them.
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My FH has been married before and his ex wife- from 13 years ago still uses his last name!!!! They do not have any children together so I just don't get it. Obviously, there is nothing I could- or would- do about this but it drives me crazy. I want to be the only Mrs G........ out there! It was a huge decision for me to even change my last name because I am an only child and our family name stops with me but I love FH and can't wait to share his name! Just a vent- sorry ladies!!