(Closed) But what if they don't take this serious??

posted 4 years ago in Vow Renewals
Post # 3
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MrsCarthens:  

You know your guests best, right? I had similar fears until I spoke to my parents and close friends, who all told me they would love a vow renewal, especially since I eloped the first time.

Why not ask the guests you care about the most what their opinion is?

Also, realize that you will never be able to please everyone. Please yourself the most.

 

Post # 4
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@MrsCarthens:  Well, they can’t take it seriously as a wedding, because it’s not one.

I think, for a lot of people, how serious they take it will depend on how long ago you got married and why you’re having a renewal.  If you’re having a renewal because of some tragedy that ruined your wedding, people will be far more accepting and serious than if you are renewing your vows after a huge church wedding a year later just for fun.

Post # 5
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

StuckInWonderland makes excellent points.

I know an attention whore who is having a huge vow renewal for her tenth anniversary. She has already had two big weddings since she has been married twice. So many people are laughing at her and making fun of her constant attention seeking. 

My guests who know both she and I are much more receptive to my vow renewal. I am not having anything huge and I eloped the first time. The intentions are very different.

Post # 6
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Generally I think vow renewals are okay if

1. You did not have a wedding the first time you got married

2. You went through some sort of trial in your marriage that had you nearly contemplating divorce, even if it was just slow drifting apart and talking about divorce a lot, and overcame it and decided to stay married. It extra counts if someone actually violated their wedding vows, because if you weren’t living by them then they need to be renewed.

You are in the first category. I think most people will like your vow renewal.

 

@TakeTwo:  What the heck is wrong with just having an anniversary party? Why does it need to be a vow renewal? I’d be making fun of her too.

Post # 7
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@MrsCarthens:

Personally I just wouldn’t care some peoplewill enjoy it other wont.  Most likely the others who wont just wont come.  Just do what pleases you and your husband.

Post # 8
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@distracts:  

My vow renewal fits into your first category.

A lot of people know that the attention whore cheated on her husband while they were engaged. She even told my mother and her sister that she was only getting married, because she had kids and her then fiance had money.

I have no respect for grown adults who lie and need constant admiration from others. She also had a private vow renewal with her husband, on a beach in Hawaii for her fifth. I took her off my Facebook because I grew weary of her incessant bragging and needing people to acknowledge her. “I’m going to say yes to the dress!” “Our vow renewal will be an all black affair with our wedding party in white. It will have like 200 people.”

What an idiot eh?

 

Post # 9
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d attend a party/celebration for a significant anniversary (25,50 years), but I think a ceremony with all the trimmings is a little much when it’s not actually a wedding. Some people may enjoy it though, it depends on your guests 

Post # 10
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

A significant anniversary (10th, 25th, etc) is special in and of itself. That said, if the couple who had been married for a LONG time wanted to re-state their vows or make speeches about each other, or about their marriage, I think it would be sweet. If a couple who’d been married 2-3 years told me they wanted to renew their vows, I’d wonder if they were having problems. 

I don’t think people will take it as seriously as a wedding, but that’s a good thing; they also won’t have as many demands or expectations. Anniversary parties can have nice meals and cake, but people don’t freak over centerpieces, attendants, who gets to give speeches, etc.

I recommend calling it an anniversary party and then having your vow renewal be a part of it. There is nothing controversial about anniversaries, after all.

Post # 11
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Of course they won’t take it as seriously as a wedding.  A wedding is significant because it is the day you go from being single to married.  A celebration of the marriage you already have can be charming, but it is not of the same level of importance.

However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t celebrate it.  A birth is more important than a birthday, but that doesn’t stop people from celebrating birthdays.

Post # 12
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MrsCarthens:  Don’t worry, the people who care about you will understand that this is a special time in your life. You can’t please everyone all of the time. I love outdoor weddings, provided it’s not sweltering hot without anything to drink or fans for guests. Soooo, lol, check those things off of your list and I’d say you’ve instantly moved 50% of your guests over to your side. 😉 Enjoy your day, don’t let petty fears stress you out, you’ll have enough to worry over with the small details. Ultimately it is a day that is symbolic of your love and committment to your husband, it’s not for the audience’s pleasure.

Post # 13
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

It is much easier to get married than stay married.

Therefore, anniversaries are more significant.

 

Post # 14
Member
3260 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsCarthens:  How formal will your celebration be?

Post # 15
Member
2872 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m usually a bit iffy about vow renewals, but if you got married at the courthouse, I think it’s totally legit to throw a bigger shindig later.  I think pretty much everyone (at least those who matter!) will be supportive.  However, definitely frame it as that and not as a “wedding” as that often upsets people when you’re already married, ya know?

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