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How many are in your wedding party? Can you assess each person individually? I had a small wedding party and felt that the expensive dresses I picked out would be a huge burden on some, so for those, I paid half.
I think it's really nice that you are taking into consideration all of the expenses that your wedding party will have. While paying for the dresses and tuxes is a really nice gesture, I feel like most people who commit to being in the wedding understand that they are responsible for buying their attire.
That being said, the dresses that I chose ended up being around $170 after tax. I went ahead and paid about $20 of everyone's dress so that they would only owe $150 (1/2 to order and 1/2 when picking up). Maybe you could consider offering a little help with the dresses and tuxes while not having to give up your centerpieces or something else that you really want.
Ok first of all, who's paying for the wedding? If you and your FI are paying then your mom doesn't really have a say.
Second, when you asked the bridal party to stand up with you, were they aware that it would mean travelling to and staying at this mountain location? If they knew upfront and agreed to be in the bridal party then you're not springing any unexpected costs on them that they didn't agree to. I would say most people know that they are responsible to pay for their attire when they are in the bridal party. I've heard of the bride and groom paying but this is very rare I think.
Third, have you picked out the dresses already? As long as the dresses you pick are reasonably priced and not outrageous when combined with the other expenses associated with traveling and lodging for the weekend, I think it's fine for them to pay for themselves.
I paid for our bridesmaids dresses (mom made them, but I had planned to pay for them if we bought them in store--all 6 of them) and we paid for $50 of the tuxes.
We sacrificed a traditional wedding cake in order to swing this. For us, we felt like not burdening our (poor, just graduated college, some flew-in-town) friends just to have cake (and not even stellar cake at that) wasn't worth it and we prioritized them over the cake. And I'd probably downgrade centerpieces for my friends, too. I was budget savvy in lots of ways because I really wanted to cover a lot of their expenses. Although, I know this opinion is in the minority (we had a budget max of 20K also so we had a decent amount of money to move around) and most expect to pay for their bm dresses. That being said, I think it pays to be considerate.
Could you scale back your centerpieces (I think $1,000 is a lot for centerpieces but mine were like $23/table) and cover half?
If you don't pay for their attire, could you cover their hotel?
A friend of mine did tell me recently that "etiquette" states that you pay for an OOT bm's dress, but i wasn't really aware of it being an etiquette rule.
Are there corners you can cut elsewhere--favors, bubbles, something minimal that would help out?
I agree on picking out reasonable dresses. Don't pick out something that's $350 and then throw on a pricey hotel and shrug it off. Try to keep it an average price
We are paying for 1/4, his parents are paying for a 1/4 and my parents are paying half. We have four bridesmaids and four groomsmen, and three of them are my sisters. I know that my mom wants them included because she will probably pay for at least two of them anyways (one of my sisters is finishing high school this year and not working, the other is trying to decide what she is going to do and taking some night courses) and will cover all of their hotel rooms anyways. We have cut everything fluff out of our budget and even getting our cake donated by my friends sister who makes wedding cakes to try and help out.
My moms suggestion has been to donate less to our charity for our favors (with a no one will know anyways attitude), hope for good deals on the centerpieces, flowers and cut the photography costs (which my FI and I don't agree with since this will be the only thing we have to remember our wedding and even managed to reduce the cost down by $2000).
I had also suggested not buying the bridesmaids dresses from a bridal store, but something from a regular store and keep the costs under $100.00 and paying for part of it, she still refused to budge.
In terms of the groomsmen, I had suggested helping out with the costs of the rentals, since all of them are professionals and working but she also would not budge on that aspect as well saying that just because they had income they shouldn't have to bear this financial burden because we asked them.
Do we just give in since she is putting in more money and pray for the best with everything else?
I think she should get her way on this, especially because it sounds like the bridesmaids dresses will be at her expense no matter how you slice it (3 of the 4 being your sisters). She should be allowed to determine how her money is spent (an unfortunate fact that comes with your parents pitching in). Maybe you could reduce the amount of money spent of BM and GM gifts.
We paid for the BM dresses and the groomsmens' tux rentals, and we have a $7K budget. Do whatever is comfortable in your situation =)
I bought my BM's their dresses, but I found them on the clearance rack at Macy's for only $33 each. Maybe you could look for very inexpensive dresses if you are feeling obligated to buy them?
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We are having a wedding about 500km away from our town in the mountains and my mom is insisting that we pay for the wedding parties dresses and tux rentals (about $1000 total out of our already splitting $20,000 budget and it means we are sacrificing our centerpieces to pay for these items... She claims that it would be rude to not pay for them as we are asking for them to pay for their hotel rooms once they arrive. This is also causing a strain between my FI and my parents because he believes the money could be better spent somewhere else and if theres money left over we should help with the attire where my mom says no way. She's not budging at all on the topic. My position is the same as my FI's. That if we have money later we should put it towards that...
Advice from anyone else would be super helpful...