Weddingbee Boards
I'm watching "Say Yes to the Dress" right now and this woman went and bought a wedding dress before she got engaged. Luckily for her, her boyfriend proposed 5 days after she bought the dress, lol!
So, would you buy a dress before you got engaged?
Uh-uh, no way, not a chance.
It's such a special purchase, and I would hate to think that by the time I became engaged that I would no longer love the dress I bought prematurely. Plus, I'd be really superstitious about the whole thing and feel certain that this was the nail in the coffin to ever becoming engaged at all!
Wow...no! And that's for a sari that doesn't even look like a wedding dress! I also wouldn't get mine until I knew where and in what season I was getting married!
I think this is cRaZy - but I know a friend who did it and she is now with a different guy!
She swears she won't change her mind - she bought it 2 years ago now and who knows when she will even get engaged!
LOL well you guys are going to think I am insane... but I have a dress and I am not engaged yet not officially anyways lol. I dunno i randomly stumbled upon it one day and loved it and it needed little alteration work which was suprising bc i am SUPER TINY...and it was practically a steal .
I say no way! It's kinda of crazy and presumptuous I guess, to get a dress before you're engaged.
I also think it would freak out the future, if he finds out you already have a dress... just my thoughts though.
I saw that girl on the show. There was also another bride on say yes to the dress that did the same thing. Personally I think its really crazy, and takes away from the whole experience of dress shopping. For me it was such a special time because I was so happy, I cant imagine looking at dresses before being engaged.
I think it's crazy! Super nut job crazy- not funny crazy!
No. Your tastes will change dramatically during that time. Wedding dresses are typically non-refundable and expensive on their own. If you decide later that you don't like the dress your originally picked out, you'll go into debt trying to afford the second dress unless you're so independently wealthy that the money doesn't matter. You can try to sell the original dress on Ebay but you won't get back the amount you paid for it.
No.... that cries Psycho to me. lol. no offence to ANYONE who has, but when I think of someone who buys a dress before they even get engaged is one of those girls who are just ASKING to be left. Because unless the guy has mentioned or showed intrest at ALL that he wants to marry you, and you buy a dress...He'll fly out of there faster than you can say "Hey Honey, look what I bought!" Im not saying any of YOU girls are like this, but thats what I imagine when I see this happening.
Another thing about buying a dress before you're engaged is that you may not even proposed to in the first place when you're ready (and he obviously yet if it hasn't happened). So it's really jumping the gun to automatically assume anything before it actually happens.
wow, this makes me sad that everyone says it is crazy, bc I did this! Of course, I didn't see the show. My hubby & I decided in Feb. 2008 we wanted a Feb. 2009 wedding. He didn't proposed until August, but I started dress shopping in July (after talking to him) based on the dress ordering timelines. I don't think this is right for most rel'nships, but it was right for us! ..especially since I am tall and was worried about having to special order a dress.
@cannotwait: even though he hadn't "proposed" if you guys had decided to get married AND had a date set, to me, you are engaged LOL.
Umm, no. I think it's a bad idea to buy a dress too soon--you will definitely change your mind. Also, if you and your guy aren't on the same page, then it could be potentially embarrassing and a waste of money.
@honeybun, secret engagement, hehe, but it was worth the wait...we are almost to our 10 mos anniversary!
I don't think it's crazy, but I bought my dress before becoming officially engaged. I talked to my FI first about it knowing we had discussed that we wanted to be married before summer 2010. I considered us engaged when we set the date, which was 6 months before the "official" proposal. I love my dress, I do sometimes think about changing my midn but then I put it on again and fall in love with it all over again. I don't think it's right or fair of anyone to say it's crazy unless you know for certain the circumstances. Did the bride discuss it with her FI? Did they have a specific timeline in mind? There are many more circumstances that could have been her reasoning for going before she was "engaged".
Okay, I didn't watch the show, but in the girl's defense - the guy did propose five days later, so I assume the couple had been talking about marriage in great detail prior to the dress purchase. Being on the show and such was probably such a great opportunity that she couldn't pass up - knowing they'd be engaged soon.
Also, you keep talking about tastes changing and such, but the length of engagements vary so much that I don't think that's a fair argument. If someone bought their dress right after getting engaged, nobody would question it - but what if their engagement was years and years long? What if the couple from the show is having a very short engagement?
I started looking at dresses before I was officially engaged - with friends who were engaged, but I tried them on too. FI and I had talked a lot and considered ourselves engaged already since we had committed to marriage - but technically he had not yet saved enough to afford my ring... so, in most peoples' minds we were not engaged. I didn't actually buy a dress until after the ring, but it was pretty close.
No, no, no I wouldn't buy a dress before being engaged. I wouldn't plan anything before being engaged. For me, it would cheat the "being engaged" state. I'd also be afraid of "jinxing" anything... scaring the guy, for instance.
i could never see myself buying a dress before getting engaged, but i keep toying with the of emailing the jcrew person to ask about the dresses there. as much as i want to and i know the engagement is coming (he has the ring), i still feel stupid trying to plan before we're actually engaged.
I'm surprised so many of you are vehemently against this, with our large "waiting" community! Like FutureMrsTal and cannotwait, I was not officially engaged when I started dress shopping. We knew we were getting married and we had set a date, but FI was still planning the proposal. He actually proposed on the same day that I went dress shopping for the first time, which was a total accident! I guess you might say we were already engaged, but we had not made an announcement to anyone but closest family and friends, and I didn't have a ring.
Engaged isn't a black and white, you are or you're not, kind of thing, as we know from so many on this board. I think if you are planning to marry the person you love, whether you have a ring on your finger or even a date, you should be able to go wedding dress shopping without being called crazy! Though mouse's point that you shouldn't shop too far out because you might change your mind is definitely valid.
I wouldn't...only because I think the dress should refelct the season and maybe the style of your wedding. If you get it before the engagement, you probably don't have any plans made for your wedding yet...I would think
As someone said-if you have set the date and have started planning...and just don't have the ring. the n that is different. you are engaged
Well, before I was actually engaged we already had the date and everything set, so it was pretty set in stone. But things happen...so I don't know. Also, it almost seems like the bridal shops wouldn't want to even help you that much if you weren't engaged, even though it's another sale for them, but still.
rmw61111: That wasn't my experience at all. I had great service even though I didn't have a ring. I can't think of any reason why they wouldn't want to help you! My consultant sold us a beautiful Pronovias gown and I will continue to work with her for bridesmaids' dresses, so if she had been so judgmental to not "help that much", she would have certainly missed out on a lot of commission!
I would not, but I can't see any reason for anyone else not to. The reason why I would not is because the Boy and I need to agree on the type of wedding we're having and we might do something off beat or not very formal. I want my dress to match the feel of the wedding.
I do think, however, that within a few days of getting a proposal I will be trying on dresses!
I'm with daniellemybelle...
I first started trying on dresses at the beginning of last year and then I bought the first dress I tried on in June... all this before my September proposal.
Maybe it's the whole long distance thing. My FI and I dated for two years long distance while he was living in Italy, so things got very serious quickly because there was no way you could even start casual date being that far apart. We were talking about marraige (and our families were too...) within the first three weeks of dating.
Haha, I could say so much more about the whole long distance thing...
Anywho, from my point of view: not weird.
Not in a million years. :) But the main reason for that is because I feel like you can't possibly know which dress is the right dress until you have more of the context--and that includes the nature (and date!) of the proposal. So if you've actually started planning your wedding with your SO and the only thing you haven't done yet is received the ring that makes it official for you, then I don't think it's *that* weird.
@ Italiana: We started talking about marriage 2 weeks in - I have you beat! ;) We were long distance, too (though not nearly as far - except I spent one of our early summers in Italy, actually) so I totally know what you mean.
I find it very disappointing, ladies (and any groomies) that we can be so respectful on these board in certain circumstances, bar this one.
I am one of these "super nut jobs" who purchased a dress before the engagement.
I have told this story on WB before, but will do so again.
My partner and I met and fell in love almost instantly, within weeks the sliver of the idea was there, but while we did not discuss it seriously there were a few joking asides. Meeting him was one of those amazing experiences where you feel like your world had been the wrong way around until that point, but you'd never noticed until it slammed back into place.
About eight months into dating, I was walking in a local department store when I saw her.
I was never the little girl who dreamed about her wedding, and while the boy and I had talked about the idea a fair amount, there was very little real hardcore discussion of marriage. Although there was no doubt in either of our minds that this was going in that direction. We both had the lightning bolt from day one.
To the dress...
She was a Collette Dinnigan, the most beautiful dress I have ever seen. Simple. Flattering. Fit like a glove off the rack. Sparkly on top, chiffon on the bottom and just perfect. Particularly as we're Australian and it's bloody hot here. I had never seen anything like it and I was in awe. I have many friends who've been married and have always appreciated the dresses for what they were - pretty - but not me at all. I didn't want the pouffe and the fuss and not being able to pee without a small army. Not me at all. I saw her on and off over a period of a few weeks and reluctantly told the boy. He was a little surprised but gave me his blessing that he thought my love of this dress was adorable rather than crazy. And he loaned me a small amount of money to supplement my deposit.
I went back, she was still there and still as glamorous as ever. A very limited number were made so I was desperate to get back to lay-by it. Eight weeks later I took her home and she has sat in the top of my closet ever since. This wouldn't work for everyone - I do not fluctuate in weight, I have been roughly the same size since puberty. My tastes do not change dramatically and she is so simple and perfect and classic that going out of fashion... it just wouldn't happen. And the clincher for me is even eight months after buying her, after perusing dreses on WB, evbery dress board or post I see I look and look and there has never been anything, not even in shops when looking with engaged friends, that stacks up to my incredible dress.
And the best part of the story? As of this weekend, my engagement ring is sitting in a little red box in a little red bag on the shelf, right next to my dress, for when the boy decides to stop torturing me. :)
I am a firm believer in "Each to her own". And hope, that after reading my story, bees, you will have a little more understanding that when you find the one... whether it's the dress, or a boy, sometimes you just need to grab on with both hands and never, ever let go.
@ ei_laura: thank you for sharing your story. I totally agree that people should not be generalizing and that it's different for every couple's relationship and situation. (Oh, and I would LOVE to see a picture of your perfect dress!)
Sure, there are people out there who would be crazy to buy a dress right now, but for others, the time is right - engagement ring or not.
I agree that if you've talked in length and have set a date, then you are engaged, ring or no ring.
But outside of that, I would be way concerned that I would put on weight, my tastes would change, the color scheme would change (if you got a dress with color in it), and I don't even think I'd want it hanging in my house!
There are a lot of women who obess over the need to get married and I think this behavior falls into that category for me. I think if you are really into the idea of getting married, it could cloud your judgement and make you think that any man is the man for you because you aren't interested in the marriage, but into the idea of weddings/getting married. I say if you aren't engaged, you need to take a chill pill and let things fall as they may. Otherwise, you might not be able to experience all the real present things going on before that moment!
I think it's fine if you know that you're going to marry the person within a reasonable time... I'm a few years from being engaged (prob in 2011 when we're out of school) and then it'd be another year before the wedding, so I couldn't imagine buying a dress now. Even if it was closer to when I get out of school, I just wouldn't want to tempt fate. haha. I'd prob go out shopping the day after though! To each their own...
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