Buying a home…but…

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

can you not rent month to month until you get through home buying?

Post # 5
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Could you move your wedding date up?  Or could you move in with family for a couple of months?

Post # 6
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@jasonkatie2014:  Can’t you just get married on paper and not tell anyone?  Just act like you are still engaged.  Just don’t consider your wedding day till your actual wedding.  Many people get married first in secret these days for different reasons.  

Post # 8
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

People get so up in arms about these sorts of things on here. In reality, I think it’s fine. All of your closest friends are suggesting it. I would absolutely run it by your parents because I don’t think it’s ok to actively deceive those close to you. But if nobody close to you cares, then go for it if you can rationalize it for yourself! You can think about it from a purely legal standpoint and see your wedding as a celebration of your relationship with your family and friends. I had a friend from a few years ago who got married a few weeks ago – I was catching up with a friend who was a bridesmaid, and she told me that they had been married legally for 9 months. There wasn’t even a real reason – he’s in the military but he had recently gotten back from deployment and they weren’t living on base or anything. They just decided to do it. And nobody cared!

Sometimes life happens and gets in the way of our plans. I don’t think that you should be judged or have to feel bad to make the decisions that will make your life significantly easier when tough things come up. A wedding is still a celebration of marriage regardless of the timing.

Post # 9
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

Don’t tell anyone and just do it, no one will think otherwise unless you tell them!

Post # 10
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@juliana192:  My brother and his wife also got married about 10 months before their wedding for visa related issues.  Only close friends and family knew.  To everyone else they were still engaged.

Post # 11
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would get married before your set wedding date and not tell anyone. If y’all are the only ones that know I feel like the actual wedding day would still be special. 

Post # 12
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ahh… Well if that’s the best situation for you, to get married on paper so you can go through the home buying process, and you’re ok with that then Do it. The only people who’s opinions on doing that that really matter are your and your fiances. I definitely would have felt weird about doing it myself so I understand the hesitation but I don’t think it’a an awful thing to do like some people around here try to say

Post # 13
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you need to do it, then do it. Just don’t lie about it or hide it. Your wedding becomes a celebration of your marriage, you nix the ceremony (because it would be fake) and just have a big party. Some people would say you also cannot do a first dance, wear a wedding gown, cut the cake, etc, but, eh, i don’t see why you can’t do that in celebration of a marriage.

If you get married, you ARE MARRIED. You can’t just pretend not to be. Your guests do not want to be lied to. So don’t lie. That’s why people get upset about these things.

Not sure about rental laws in NYC, many leases automatically go month-to-month when they end if you don’t get a new lease.

Post # 14
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@jasonkatie2014:  Given your circumstances I honestly don’t think people would be bothered. I’m normally very anti getting married on paper then a wedding but there are a few instances where IMO it’s just not a big deal 1) military reasons 2) health related 3) housing related. I’d have zero issue if you were my friend carrying on as if you are not married until the wedding and wouldn’t be hurt to find out that you were. It’s not because you wanna do it… You kind of have to or you’ll be homeless essentially. I think people will understand. 

Post # 15
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@jasonkatie2014:  Paper is just paper.. even if your legally married it doesnt mean you have to consider yourself married. Just think of the amount of couples who knew they were going to get engaged soon but had not yet. Did the ring really change anything? No… but it changed peoples perception. Getting legally married I feel doesnt change peoples perception as much as SEEING you get married and having you wear the shmancy dress. No one will know, and trust me no one is will be asking to see your marriage certifercate. Not saying to lie, just saying it truly wont be obvious that you are already legally married. 

I am considering getting legally married prior to the wedding to avoid name change issues with my degree and liscensure (Im currently in school and will be graudating a month before our wedding). 

Guests understand that in todays world its all about the paperwork and details. 

Nothing with take away the specialness of your wedding day… even being legally married before the wedding. 

 

Post # 16
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@antisocialite:  She can have a ceremony if she wanted.  It could be a religious ceremony, or a vow renewal ceremony etc.  She can do everything normal!  The only difference will be no marriage license would be needed.

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