FI and I are looking to buy our first house :)
I'm not REALLY concerned w/ what anyone else really thinks, but a discussion we had last night got me thinking about it a little. Basically, I asked him if he thought his parents were going to be upset about it, and he said it's possible that his dad might be like "whoa...you're doing this before you're married?!"
I told FI quite frankly and honestly that if for some reason something really DOES happen to us between now and October and we break up, I will leave and the house will be his no questions asked. It makes sense - ALL the money going into this is coming from him, and the loan is going to be in only his name (though we'll both be on the title/deed). But it's his money he's worked SO hard to save, and I would never be the type of person to try and say any of that was mine if something really did happen before our wedding in October.
I'm not REALLY concerned about anything happening :) We're both 100% committed to getting married and 100% sure of the decision. I think we're making the right choice by starting to look for a house to buy; so does he!
What do YOU think??
I knew I didn't want to officially live together before we got married. We started looking for houses when we got engaged, and moved in just after we got back from our honeymoon! I'll tell ya, we loved that decision BUT buying a house AND planning a wedding at the same time? Super stressful! :P But we made it through just the same!
@pengoala: Lol so I've heard, but honestly, I am not finding wedding planning all that stressful... and we've agreed that I'm taking the lead on wedding planning while he's taking the lead on house buying.
It helps that I started planning SUPER early!!
I would probably buy a house with someone before being married, but I would definitely have some sort of mutual agreement drawn up by a lawyer just in case something did happen.
My DH bought a house before we were married and I moved in there and contributed to the mortgage about a year and a half before our wedding. No one seemed to care.
FI and I bought our house after getting engaged and before getting married, we've had no problems! The first few months are stressful but I never thought we'd break up. It didn't seem to bother either of our parents, but FI and I DID live together before. I think they were happy that we switched from renting to buying!
I think it sounds fine since all the financial aspects are in his name only.
I would not personally do it, but I can understand that there are situations where it makes sense. Quite honestly, if I were to do it, it would be most likely under a situation like yours AND I would want the agreement in writing (if I were your FI). I'm not a big pre-nup person or anything, but before you're married, everything is a partnership, and partnerships do best with things in writing. I'd want you to agree, in writing, to sign a quit-claim deed should something happen.
I will also say this - I would NOT be comfortable not being on the mortgage once married, even though you're on the deed. If, God forbid, something should happen and your DH died, not being on the mortgage will be a nightmare. They won't talk to you, you may have to refinance instead of just get him taken off, waiting for a death certificate can take forever, you could fall into default on the mortgage, your credit could take a hit and you might not be able to refinance, etc. Get your name on that mortgage as soon as you are married.
@DeathByDesign: That's a little different though since your name wasn't on the title :)
My fiance and I bought two houses over the summer (it's definitely a buyers market right now - we got them for a steal!) We live in one and rent the other one out. We love each other and we are getting married in March so for us this was a no brainer. We didn't want to wait and miss out on these houses. We were already living together though. At first he was going to buy the one house by himself, but I thought he'd have a better chance if I went in on it with him. He was floored and said it meant so much and it solidified our relationship. I was like, "Honey, we are already engaged. Do you really need more proof that I'm in this for the long haul?" lol.
We bought our house after 5 years dating and we knew we would end up engaged and married. I got my ring 6 months after we moved in.
@inky_1: I think it definitely sounds right for you guys. I am not opposed to buying a home with my SO because I know we're going to get married. I'd prefer for us to be engaged first, though.
My friend bought a house with her SO and it didn't work out. It is a messy situation but not the end of the world. He put more $$ into it than she did, but he gave her a reasonable settlement. Still sucks because her standard of living went down the toilet and she probably did put in more than she got in return, but since they weren't yet officially common law (it's 3 yrs where I live) and he put the bulk of the money into the house, she didn't have much of a leg to stand on. She wasn't the marrying type and he was... they probably shouldn't have moved in together in the first place. It was one of those situations where I predicted from the beginning that the end would be near and I was right.
@NAvery: We were advised not to put me on the mortgage in order to keep my name free of debt in case we ever buy a second property and rent it out... but I'll do some research as to what that means if something happens to him. I would be on the title; it's actually a big risk for him to take. If we divorced, I would be entitled to half of the house, but he would be stuck with the full loan...
@mchitt329: We have been living together for a while now :) Just...in an apartment, not a house. So, that part, at least, I'm used to ;)
@inky_1: That's exactly what we did! I was in charge of wedding, he was in charge of house. It worked pretty well! :)
We put an offer in on our house 3 months before we got engaged. We had been living together for almost 2 years before that and we knew getting engaged was the next step we wanted, We were engaged in August 2011 and moved into our house in October 2011. We were married a few weeks ago on October 21st, 2012. I'm honestly really happy that we did the home buying first, because we didn’t have to deal with moving so close after the wedding. Now that everything is done I couldn't imagine doing it any other way!
The only stressful thing was decorating a whole house and planning a wedding simultaneously, in the beginning it was a lot to deal with before I got are house all decorated and furniture bought.. then I could just focus on wedding stuff.
Speaking from experience... I wouldnt do it unless your name is NOT on the title, deed, and mortgage.
If you break up or something happens (which I sincerely hope that it does not) - its like going through a divorce without actually being married. You have the split the assets and its a mess. Makes things a lot more difficult.
Presently, my FH just bought a house. I havent contributed a dime - only sweat and labor since weve been renovating. So if something did happen, its all his without a question.
We bought our house in dec 10, he proposed sept 11, we got married aug 12. I think of the three, the house purchase was the most exciting for me :)
I bought a house with my fiance before we got engaged - cus i knew the engagement was coming soon (it came on the day we closed actually) It made me nervous but we knew we were committed to each other - we were already living together. We wanted a house and we wanted to get married - we didn't see any reason to wait on the house just because we didn't have a certain piece of paper and a wedding band. We knew what we wanted and we knew we were gonna get there. We just decided to mix up the order. If your engaged -i don't understand what the doubt is.
@inky_1: Yeah, sorry, that's crappy advice you got in my opinion. So they're assuming you'd mortgage a second property under your name only as a rental?
If you have enough assets to have two mortgages between the two of you (one each), then you have enough assets to qualify for the 2nd mortgage jointly even with the primary mortgage.
You do NOT want to be tied up in a mess with your primary residence when dealing with grief if something were to happen. It's one thing to not be on a car loan and the car gets repo'd while trying to deal with the aftermath of a death. It is a totally different mess to not be on the mortgage of the home if someone passes away.
Not having both parties on the mortgage is just as bad as not having life insurance, in the case of an early passing, in my opinion. And most financially responsible people (which it sounds like you definitely are!) would not go without life insurance at a relatively young age.
I don't know who gave you the advice, but there are lots out there that put credit games above all else. Security is worth so much more.
Everyone should have both spouses on ALL the bills - even credit cards and cell phones, even if they're only "yours" and you're the only person that uses them. You never know when the spouse is going to need to take over dealing with that company - if one of you dies, is ill, is in an accident, gets stuck out of the country, whatever. It is getting harder and harder to get companies to talk to you if you aren't on the account.
My brother and now SIL bought their house together after dating for 4 months. Seemed crazy at the time but my brother is very impulsive. He proposed to her 8 months later. They said they just knew they were meant to be right away and didn't have a probolem jumping in to it. 3 years later they are still in wedded bliss and have the cutest baby girl!
@MLDoddie: I offered to stay off title and deed, but he wants me on them after we're married, and from what I hear...it's a huge PITA and expensive to get me on them later down the road.
My FI bought our house in July, he & I work 1 hour apart and I was commuting 3 hours a day to the house he had when I moved in with him. So, we picked a half way point and he bought a house there. We just got engaged last month. You can what if things to death but ultimately you have to make the decision that seems right to you both and don't second guess it. You plan on getting married, you'll need a home, go for it. None of us have any guarantees even if we've been married 20 years.
I would buy a house together as long as we were engaged.
@NAvery: :) The advice came from BIL, who owns his own title company and proceeded the exact same way. Between his wife and himself, they currently own 5 properties and just bought another one.
But, thank you for pointing it out, as it's a question I need to ask. I'm certain that BIL has researched this thoroughly since he's doing it himself. We'll get it sorted out.
I'm fairly certain that this is something you work out in a will so that the debt passes to an heir (me). Keeping in mind, also, that I will be put on the title and deed during closing and not after closing, meaning that the bank will be 100% aware of it and it will not be a violation of the loan terms.
Anyway, we'll do some more research to answer this question.
We bought a house together before we were engaged. Similarly, the loan was only in his name and based on his income because we bought right when I was finishing law school and, despite having a job lined up, I didn't start work until after the bar exam. Both of our names are on the deed. It made sense for us because we were relocating from NYC (where my law school was) to Atlanta, we had the money, and had no desire to move again for several years. It made no sense to rent. We got engaged six weeks after closing, once I started work. It was perfect for us and no one was judgmental about it. If it works you two, go for it!
DH and I got engaged Sept 2011 and bought a house together Dec 2011. No regrets! :)
Just make sure your rights are protected by using a real estate attorney or broker who can explain survivorship rights and when/whether to refinance after you get married so that the documents are updated. Also, keep in mind that banks tend to give better rates to married couples than to two singles buying a house. Not to mention there is a lot less paperwork.
We bought when we were engaged. All the money for the down came from me, however he was on the loan and deed. Honestly, if I were him, there's no way I would put someones name on the deed if they werent held responsibly on the loan as well. Legally, though you say you would just leave and give it back, you could totally screw him since the deed says you own it too.
I started looking at houses to purchase on my own right around the time MrDane proposed. We were engaged by the time we moved into the house, but I bought it with my own money and my own name. I did buy it with the intention of living in it together, and staying there after marriage and building a marital home there. We decided against a joint purchase as large as a home prior to marriage. However, we did buy a car together before we were married because I happened to have better credit and got a lower interest rate so we went on the loan & title together.
@pinkshoes: If I were to be honest, I'd say the same thing. If things were reversed, I'd want him on the loan too. Period. I've offered over and over; it's still possible I will end up on the loan in the end depending on rates and such. We'll see. We're just in the pre-approval stage right now.
I feel like that in some states if your name is going to be on the deed then it also has to be on the mortgage... That may be something to check on, if you havent already.(Please note - I have no evidence to support this statement. I just thought that Ive heard it somewhere)
EDIT - I just did a quick Google search.. and I think this varies state to state. There was also some info about being on the deed, and the mortgage but not the promissory note? Sounds too complicated for me.
Regardless, best of luck! Buying a house is an exciting time!
We bought a house when we were planning to get married but weren't publically engaged.
Me and my fiance bought a house before we were engaged but we had already been together 6 years and knew we were going to get married
@MLDoddie: I guess we shall see!! When we said it at the credit union, they didn't react... neither did our realtor. So! We'll see?
We bought a house together before we were even engaged. But, it was a similar situation where it was actually all my down payment, so technically we're not both bound to it. (I have a job whereas he's finishing up school, but will be in a good career in a few months). We were also 100% certain that we were going to be together forever (you kinda know after 10 years, lol!), and our engagement was on the horizon.
Congrats, it's a really exciting process! House hunting gets old, but don't settle just because you're tired of looking.
For me I wasn't comfrotable buying a house as just boyfriend/girfriend, however, if we would of started looking & bought while we were engaged, that is a different story.
You two are engaged, you are getting married, so I think looking/buying a house in that process is totally normal! Good luck on your house hunt!
@lolot: lol who knows...we may end up married before buying in the end if it takes that long ;P
I did it. FI and I finally settled on our house this past august and we started looking in february. We started window browsing last year after we were engaged. He was able to do all the preapproval without me (originally we were going to use his credit union) and we added me later and it helped. I was by no way willing to contribute financially to a house and not have my name on anything. That was absolutely non negotiable.
For the record, whether or not we were married/engaged wasn;t going to hinder us buying a house. He wanted to propose beforehand because he had the cash on hand now and knew it would be harder after the house.
Can your name be on the deed but not on the mortgage? Our bank told us no.
I also believe in a marriage that your name should be on EVERYTHING. I wouldn't feel comfortable not being on the mortgage.
We bought when we were engaged so we had a home to move into that was ours after the wedding. We really liked how we did it, but getting his lease to end at the right time was a hassle. His lease ended 2 weeks before the wedding and he moved in. We still prefer to say he moved in after the wedding though! :)
Are you going to sign something saying the house is totally his if you don't go through with the wedding? I'd probably ask that of someone if it was me ponying up the money.
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