Post # 1
Hi Bees –
I just got engaged today and I couldn’t be any happier. My Fiance and I (OMG – I love caling him that!) were sitting around after the proposal talking about some vague details of what we think our wedding will be like – nothing concrete, just getting a picture sort of thing.
Then it hit me… My mom passed away two years ago and I’ll be doing all of this wedding stuff solo. While this is definitely one of the happiest moments of my life, it is also a bit of a sad one because she isn’t here and won’t be sharing this with me.
What I’m really concerned about is dress shopping. My best friend and Maid/Matron of Honor lives two states away, so she probably will just be around for the online video chat brainstorming sessions rather than actually there in person for looking at dresses. I don’t really have any other younger girl friends to go with me (I am an old soul and most of my friends are old enough to be my parents or grandparents) so I won’t be taking any of them.
So really… I’ll be doing the dress shopping journey alone and I’m worried I’ll become overwhelmed with emotion.
Have any other Bees gone through something like this and if so, how did you handle it? I’m just looking for advice and a bit of an insight into what the journey ahead will look like.
Post # 3
I was never super close to my mother and she is not in my life very much anymore. She’s never even commented on my engagement, and I’ve done everything without her (not that she’d want to be involved anyway, I’m sure). I’m not all that emotional about it, except maybe angry, heh.
I took FI’s mom dress shopping and we had a good time. She has two boys and her other DIL didn’t ask her along when she went dress shopping, so it was a fun experience for her. Can you take your Future Mother-In-Law maybe? I had actually planned to go alone until I thought that maybe she’d like to come with me. All of my bridesmaids are out of town and work full time, except two. I only ended up taking one because the other (FI’s little sister) is really busy (at 15! lol).
Post # 4
@vorpalette: I’ve thought of that. I don’t know my Future Mother-In-Law very well and she doesn’t live locally, but she is only a few hours of a drive away and it is definitely something we could schedule in. I might see how our next meeting over Labor Day weekend goes and figure out if it sounds good.
Post # 5
I lost my mother in high school. I don’t really have any advice, I just got through the wedding stuff day by day and tried not to get sad. People talked about putting a candle or rose in a chair for her but I couldn’t do it. It would have made me too sad. It has been 8 years now and it is still so sad sometimes.
Post # 6
Congrats on your engagement first of all! So sorry for your loss. Maybe your Maid/Matron of Honor could come visit for a weekend and you could do dress shopping? You could also ask Future Mother-In-Law if you are close. What about taking FI? Are you against him seeing the dress beforehand?
Post # 7
My mother passed away when I was 17, so I definitely know what you are going through. Even though you aren’t close to his mother, it’s worth asking her to come. It will mean a lot to her, and extra hands and eyes are nice. Good luck with your dress shopping… the whole wedding experience is so bittersweet when you’ve lost your mom.
Post # 8
I am very sorry to hear about your mom. Sad indeed. But try not to thinking about the dark side of things. This is one of the most beautiful and memorable moments in your life, and try to concentrate on the bright aspects of life.
I have somewhat similar situation too. I come from a different country (Republic of Georgia) than my Fiance. There are not a lot of nice dresses available in my country so I decided to go dress shopping when visiting his family in US this summer. My future mother-in-law and her sisters and my FI’s cousin came to the shop with me. They are all super nice and sweet and they did their best to turn this experience into a very memorable moment. Mybe this could also be your case? While I did wish to have my mom with me, I told myself that this was my special moment and did not allow dark thoughts to tarnish it.
Inevitable you might feel sad sometimes, but it is such a happy moment that you should’t allow anything to interfere with it.
Good luck and congrats on the engagement 🙂
Post # 9
I lost my mum when I was 9, and part of the reason why Fiance and I are getting married with just two witnesses and the officiant present is because my mum isn’t around and all of my grandparents have passed away as well. I totally can understand where you are coming from.
I think it would be a nice gesture to ask your Future Mother-In-Law. That could be a good way to get to know each other better and to help her feel included in the wedding planning process. I went the very non-traditional route and had Fiance come with me to meet with the lady who was making my dress and he has already seen me in it and everything. If that’s not for you though, I totally get it. I think even if you did end up heading into bridal salons on your own, the sales associates would be more than happy to help you out in whatever way they can. You could also ask if you are allowed to take pictures of the dresses you try on and then you could post them on here for feedback! We’re always happy to help.
Post # 10
I’m going to meet my Future Mother-In-Law over Labor Day weekend so perhaps then we’ll arrange a time to go dress shopping together. I know she is nice and I’m excited to meet her. I want her to be included in the wedding planning and feel involved – especially since this will be the first of her children to get married.
At the same time, what I think I’ll do is just end up going by myself once – that way, if I do end up having a freak out sad moment, it will be done by myself and without someone I don’t know well (FMIL). My Maid/Matron of Honor won’t be able to make it down here because she is saving up for her own wedding in December – but then again, there is plenty of time before my own wedding, so she might still be able to make it down here.
I don’t think Fiance wants to see the dress before the wedding – but I know that if I am having a really hard time (which, I don’t think I will), then he would go with me. But I know he would prefer not to see me in the dress and I would prefer to have at least ONE surprise for him
And if worse comes to worse, I will ask one of my older friends to come with me as support – I know they would be more than happy to do that.
Thanks for the support ladies!