Post # 1
I need your help, I am in my cousin’s wedding this upcoming April and I have the following situation. I have spent the following thus far:
- $25 for a house warming party gift (they bought a house this December)
- $150 for dress (before alterations)
- $35 for shoes
So I have spent about $210 thus far and I have yet to purchase:
- A bridal shower gift
- A wedding gift
My additional concern is that I am trying to pay for my own wedding and honeymoon (about $10,000) that is coming up this August.
Some people may not think a couple hundred dollars is much, but my FI and I are saving every penny we can while trying to pay down student loans, paying our bills and covering the upcoming wedding costs. We also just incurred a $500 vet bill for our dog, after he was diagnosed with a heart arithmea….I feel like all our money is disapearing.
I looked at my cousin’s registry and there is nothing below $40-50 on it. What would you do?
Thank you in advance for the advice!
Post # 3
I want to see as well! I’ll be in two weddings this summer so I’m curious too!
Post # 4
How close are you to your cousin? I feel like that would make a big difference in how I’d approach the issue….But without knowing more, I’d probably do a $20-$25 gift card for the shower present and a $40-50 gift for the wedding.
Post # 5
@Dialysate: I see her about once or twice a year. But she asked me to be in her wedding because we are the only two female cousins and thought it was a nice gesture. I am inviting her to my wedding, but she will not be in my wedding and may or may not make it to mine.
Post # 6
@bmo88: I don’t expect any of my wedding party to get us gifts. Although we didn’t do a shower, and I let my girls wear dresses they already owned, I feel that the travel expense (flying from CA to NC) is enough. I’d rather have them there than miss out on their presence and have a gift (I told them this when I asked them to be BMs). Maybe it’s just me, I’m curious as to what other people say though.
Post # 7
@braverbeating: That’s another concern too! I have another friend getting married in September and she wants me to be in her wedding. It’s in Georgia, so I would have to buy plane tickets, pay for a hotel and buy a dress. I am not sure if I can get the time off or afford it, so I haven’t decided whether or not I can be in the wedding.
My FI is also in a wedding 2 weeks before ours and has to rent a tux/buy a gift. The costs are adding up so quickly!
Post # 8
I’m interested to see responses to this as well. I’m in a wedding for a friend and will have spent a similar amount of money to you… I’m also a graduate student so money is tight already.
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
You should give small gifts. It’s polite. If there is nothing on the registry in the right price point, then you’ll have to choose something on your own. Personally, I’d get her something pampering related for the shower and a gift card or check for a small amount (maybe $25) for the wedding. It’s not the amount that matters, but the gesture.
ETA: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, if you decide not to gift, at least give a card. It’s really disheartening when someone you love and care about and invite into your wedding party doesn’t make the effort to buy a cheap card or make one.
Post # 10
I was once in my cousin’s wedding too and I did not buy her(them) a wedding gift. *gasp* Honestly, I was broke and had also spend a ton of money on bridal party stuff. I didn’t really feel bad at the time because I just didn’t have the money. Thinking back on it now, I feel bad, but oh well.
I am planning on telling two of my four bridesmaids to NOT by us a wedding gift because I know they are barely getting by.
You might run into a problem with the bride though. You have to know how your cousin might react. My cousin never mentioned it, but there are some people who would be quick to point out who they didn’t receive gifts from. To be safe, I voted get an inexpensive gift for both. For bridal party, you can get her some cute/fancy panties for example.
Post # 11
For me personally, I do not expect our WP to buy us gifts. Their gifts to us is their time and support. That said, I’ve ready plenty of complaints from brides because their WP didn’t buy a gift.
If it’s something you can discuss with her in advance, I would do that. If you’re not comfortable with that, then probably do something on the lower end of the $$ scale.
Post # 12
For the bridal shower, it can be a small inexpensive gift (something $30 or less). But for the wedding, you should get a nicer $50 gift or something a little over $50 that is on their registry. I think considering how much you have shelled out for the other expenses, $80 total for both gifts is appropriate. Do you have any ideas as to what you would maybe get her for each event?
Post # 13
I know I may get negative feedback (my one close friend already slammed me for this!!) but I would skip the gift.
My friend got married this summer. I spent so much money being in her wedding (she lives almost 2 hours away) that I really didnt have it to buy her a nice gift and I felt a $20,$30,$40 gift just wouldnt mean much.
I spent over $200 on the clothes to be in it. I spent $300 on her bridal shower cake. I spent a few hundred to give her a decent bachelorette which was the weekend before. My FI is in the military and stationed in Seattle so at the same time I was flying back and forth so I gave no official gift. One of my friends swears I was wrong though.
I will add that for my wedding I am having 6 bridesmaids (including her) and I am going to request that they give me NO gift bc they are already taking on the expense of being in my wedding and they are going with me to Jamaica for my bachelorette.
Post # 14
I honestly didn’t realize people got shower AND wedding gifts. In my experience, maybe it’s a regional thing, people give gifts at the shower and bring a wedding gift if they weren’t invited to the shower, which are sometimes more personal, or if they are from out of town. I’m obviously wrong, but it makes me wonder!
Post # 15
@mrsSonthebeach: I like this idea, I recognize getting a gift is about the gesture, I just do not know what people expect to happen (this is the first wedding I have been in and the second I have attended).
@diorloverxo: Honestly, I have no idea! I was thinking of maybe getting a target gift card in some amount. All the items on the registry at this point are honestly either out of my price range, and the lower cost ones ($40-$50) seem like you need to buy more than one because it looks like parts of a larger gift (i.e., a pot, pan, dishes, chargers, etc).
Additionally, it is my cousin’s birthday 2 1/2 weeks before the wedding, so I will likely get her a gift then as well! I haven’t figured out what I will get then, so I have no idea what to do for the wedding.
@SeaSalt: I have told my bridal party the exact same thing. I am thrilled they are attending and standing up and I have asked them to spend $100 on their dress and that is more than enough. But I have openly told them we do not expect gifts…
Post # 16
can you go in with someone else on a gift? a few of my friends were on a tight budget and they all went in together to get us a gift. they purchased some of the less expensive items and split the cost between the 5 of them. i think they each put in about $20. i also don’t see a problem with not buying a gift. if you can’t afford it then you can’t afford it. gifts are not required.