(Closed) Buying parents a home

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Hostess
7568 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

It’s a nice thought but it sounds like you need to be working on your own housing situation. I would never contribute to a mortgage if I wasn’t listed as the owner. 

Post # 4
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2005

It’s smart to think about these things in advance.  Real estate can be a tricky situation that ties people together for a long time, and I think it’s a good sign that you’re thinking seriously about the potential repurcussions of signing on to this deal.  I’ve worked with people before who have co-signed on mortgages for family members that the family member ultimately did not pay, which ruined everyone’s credit.

Will the new house payment be similar to what you currently pay in rent?  If not, is there reason to expect more income from your wife’s parents?  If you can comfortably afford the new payment, and are fairly certain that you can get along with your wife’s parents long term, there doesn’t seem to be a major reason to be concerned about the mortgage not being paid.

It would probably be well worth the money to track down a bi-lingual real estate attorney, and have them help you to draw up a contract that specifies who owns what percentage of the property, how things will be handled if one party wants to sell and one does not, what happens in case of divorce, etc.  It’s not nice to think about, but it’s better to write all these things down properly when everyone is in a good mood, so that the rules are in place if things go bad later.

Overall, this could be a great opportunity for your whole family.  I hope it works out.

Post # 6
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts

Reading this of course is one sided b/c we do not know her viewpoint. Still, I do not think this sounds like a great idea. This is my opinion, but who cares if her parents payed a lot toward your wedding…its probably their custom to pay for their daughters wedding. I see a few problems with your story/situation- if her parents are truly living in poverty in China, how in the heck did they pay for the weding? In addition, if your wife had savings she could have used some of it for the wedding, which in turn would have allowed her parents to save their own money toward the purchase of their own house. Think about it, does any of this sound logical to you?

She could use her savings toward the deposit of a house for the both of you and both of you can contact a lawyer to discuss options of how it works when the money she saved was before you two got married. She’ll be entitled to a larger amount of the selling price if you got divorced later on. Question- If your wife puts this deposit down for her parents, does your wife get her money back eventually from her parents? I doubt it. If you end up doing this does this make you obligated to them for the rest of your life…how does this deal work really? Your wife is paying the deposit and you are busting your butt working to pay their mortgage. I don’t think so.

I think maybe she is trying to prevent you from getting your hands on her savings so she wants to put property in her parents name to be safe. And if this is the case…this should have been settled before you two got married!  You sound like a reasonable person…but I would not be busting my butt either while she sits on hers and has this huge savings account. I guess my custom is a little different and married folks share their responsibilities. Once you are married number one responsiblity is one another, your children, and building your life together, usually seperate from the parents. Sounds like you got a lot of thinking to do, hope you two can make the right decision together!

Post # 8
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@soul83:  So your wife lied to you about the fact that you would both have to pay for her parent’s house?

This sounds really odd to me and I would be weary to put any money towards it. If she wanted you to be a part of it she should have told you about this in the first place, not after they spent their life savings on your wedding…

Post # 9
Hostess
18623 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

@ms-valentine:  I agree with this.  I don’t think that you should have been out of loop until after the wedding was over.  You two need to have a serious discussion about this.  She could use her saved money from before the wedding to pay for her parents house but I’m not sure I would want to save up money on my side after paying for our rent in order to buy a house for the two of us after all of this.

Post # 10
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

What a messy situation. She wants to buy her parents a house even though you don’t own a house? She has lots of savings she views as her own but she doesn’t contribute to any bills? Doesn’t sound good to me.

Post # 11
Member
3030 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think you shoud post this in the Wedding Relates->Asian thread because I think the responses you are going to get here are going to be very Western.  Not to say they are wrong, but this situaton might be common practice in her culture where to me, an American women it sounds like you are being scamed.

Post # 12
Member
3463 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

So your wife accepted a lavish wedding from her parents on the understanding she’d pay for and provide them with a home later, without checking with you if you’d be ok with that arrangement?  (Without giving you a choice to decline the lavish wedding?  That would be super problematic to me.  is the wedding more than the house?  Perhaps you can just repay the wedding costs and chalk it up to incredibly expensive lesson. 

 

who is expected to make payments on the home after it is bought?  Were you and your wife expected to move into this home as well?  I’m a little confused.

 

Post # 14
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@soul83:  Just a few quick questions as this reminds me of a situation someone told me about. How and where did you meet your wife? Sorry if this seems personal…

Post # 15
Member
8475 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@soul83:  I would advise some legal help in this matter.  You want to protect all parties involved so that no one feels slighted later on.  If this is not something you can amicably and openly discuss with your wife and her parents, this is probably not a good situation to get yourself into.  However, if your wife is planning on paying for the house herself, and you don’t need to contribute, it’s actually just a free place for you to stay.  I am Chinese and I told my husband when we first started dating that he would need to be prepared to live with my parents someday.  It’s very common for us to be expected to take care of our parents.  They see the money they spent on the wedding as an “investment,” so yes, they’re expecting to be “repaid” in some way.  While I don’t agree with your in-laws’ views, or the way they manage money, I think it’s pretty common (my parents were the same way).

The topic ‘Buying parents a home’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors