- 5 years ago
Buying your childhood home :: Soulmate :: Remarrying :: Faith :: Pets
This is a particularly touchy subject for me. When I was in the market to buy my first home, my parents convinced me to buy theres. It seems like a good idea. After all, they were giving me a deal. Prior to buying it, I married my first wife. We lived there for 5 years and I still live there today (my dhildhood home). When I bought the home, I made it “new” by completely remodeling it. Hardwood flooring, painted walls, bathroom updates, remodeled kitchen, addition, stainless appliances, ….the works. It’s a very nice home. However, after 5 years of marriage I came home to a “Dear John” letter. The only things she left were my personal belongings and the dog and cat we got together. I was devistated. I would not go on a date again for 18 months.
Fast foward 7 years. My dog and cat BOTH passed within 2 weeks of one another. 1st the dog, then the cat. My cat must have fell into depression and ran away to die. This, actually, just occured 3 weeks ago. However, for the past 9 months I’ve been dating the most remarkable girl. We are in our upper mid 30s. The person I “thought” was my soulmate was actually just a person I now consider to have given me good memories, but not my “True” soulmate. In comparison (I know I shouldn’t), but my ex-wife is not 1/2 the woman my fiance is. My fiance wins, hands-down, in every department and I now truly believe that my ex needs therapy. I certainly know I got help and it took years for me to actually recover and move on with life.
So, now I’ve got a contract on a new home… and it’s our dream home! Between the time of my divorce and the time of being engaged, I’ve done very well for myself. But God played a critical role in the events in my life. It is true that trials and tribulations of all kinds are to prepare you for the future. Today, I do not feel worthy of my fiance. She is a best blessing I have received in my lifetime. We are just alike in so many ways. She’s a goof. I’m a goof. Her tastes (for the most part) are my tastes. Deciding on wall color and carpet patterns literally took minutes, if not seconds to decide. We are very connected. I can think of her and receive a call or text that very moment… happens all the time.
Back to the point – buying my childhood home was a mistake. At least for me. Even though I made it my “own” and updated it. Here is the way I look at it. I had sex in high school in my childhood home. I then bought that home with my ex-wife (now) who know this. I then had a few long-term relationships. More sex.
My home is where I grew up. It’s where where I had sex with multiple women over the course of 15+ years. My dog and cat died while living in this home.
Do you think it is just by chance that my dog and cat die and I shortly after I get a pre-approval letter to put our dream home in escrow, get a new job offer that can float both payments (so I don’t have to sell my house first but can move out right away), and my fiance get’s a new job all on the same day!??? It would be a shortcut to thinking if you did. The next chapter of my life is quickly unfolding. Our engagement will be super short. I can’t wait to sell my childhood home. How could I possibly start my new life with my future wife in a home that can trigger memories of divorce, sadness, and sorrow. I will always cherish my memories. But moving is the thing to do.
If I had to do it all over again, would I have bought my childhood home?? No. Even though my parents were happily married, I personally feel it is a bit unhealthy to buy the home you grew up in with your partner, especially if you had sex in that home. It’s not respectful to your partner. Additionally, I look back and think of it has a home I could not let go of. It was so difficult. It is true that we place our childhood home to have some sort of iconic value. But the value of moving on is much greater. You will grow faster as a person and will learn to let go of the past for keeps in your memories, but will emotionally invest yourself with the future and where tomorrow brings you. I think it is a bit unhealthy to reside in the same home for decades, unless you started there with your partner and plan on ending your life there with your partner. Moving is a healthy practice, especially in new environments.
It’s easy to hang on to what you know and harder to step into the unknown. The same can be said with your career and personal interests. It’s the same with your daily walk with God. Everyday is a new day. Many will be good. Some will be bad. But all of this burden does not have to reside on your shoulders.
Treat your husband like a king, and your wife like a queen. Give your husband unconditional respect and your wife unconditional love. Getting married is greater than the two of you. It’s recognized and holy by God. Think of an equalateral triangle. You and your partner at at the bottom corners and God is at the top corner. The closer you come to God, the closer grow to your partner. Always look where you are going and never forget where you came from.
In all this talk of faith you might think we are not fun. We rent pool cabanas, attend parties, and through our own parties. We are social because it is important to nurture relationships of all kinds. But we also attend Church and pray together daily. The divorce rate is working against you. Over half fail. Those that pray together, stay together. THe divorce rate of those who reguraly pray together is around 5%. I have not checked the exact statistics on some while, but I know I am not that far off. There is a remarkable difference between those who worship God together and those who don’t. God wants us to have fun, but not be recklass.
I know I touched on several topics, hence the crazy subject line, but I hope I was able to share part of my experience in my walk in life. Always do what you feel is best and be giving of your time. Your time and what you choose to do with it impacts you and everyone in your life you choose to give it to. Faith. Lover. Family. Friends and Strangers.
All the best,