(Closed) c-section disappointment… anyone else?

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I am so sorry you went through that.  🙁  Birth disappointment is sometimes very difficult to get over, especially if the birth was traumatic or you had an emergency situation.  Think of it this way: you didn’t really have time to process everything that was happening during the birth, so now you’re trying to catch up.

I don’t have any direct experience with this, but I will say that time and distance are the best medications.  I hope that you are able to come to peace with your birth experience and that you are able to fully heal (emotionally and physically) in the future.

Post # 4
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour

so sorry about the dissapointment!

I want a natural birth for my future babies also. Lots of love to you and your new little one!

Post # 5
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I felt the exact same way when I had my son via csection after a failed induction. I was sooooo disappointed, like I was somehow less of a woman. I even had thoughts like, how do I know this baby is really mine? All I know is they came around the curtain with a baby that they said was mine. It really hurt our bonding. Turns out I had postpartum depression, which they say is common with unexpected c sections because you don’t get the same rush of feel good hormones that you get with a vaginal delivery.  Try not to beat yourself up about it and talk to your Dr.  He or she may be able to help. Best of luck!

Post # 6
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I totally understand that you are upset, but you did give birth. A C-section is not some easy thing to go through. As a child born by emergency C-section, I can promise you that your little baby is SO happy to have been born to you by any means and will not feel like you gave birth to her any less because it was by surgical procedure. I’m sorry you had to go through this, but now you can move on to enjoy your beautiful baby and her wonderful life!

Post # 7
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

yes yes yes, a thousand times yes. i gave birth via c-section in august 2010. my baby was footling breech also and never turned due to nuchal cord. i also had hellp syndrome, so she had to come out then, no chance to try to turn her or anything. i still feel daily disappointment. i didn’t want a natural birth per se, i did plan to get an epidural, but i did want a vaginal birth. to make matters worse, i have a massive keloid on my scar. it’s hideous. i have such a complex about it also. major self-esteem issues. i had a dermatologist do laser therapy and steroid injections with no improvements. i finally decided to just leave it alone for now, there’s no point in doing anything to it because i want one more child. luckily, i have a VERY liberal OBGYN. she will not perform a c-section if it’s not necessary. in fact, she was going to have me deliver vaginally if she had been butt first. she’s one of the very few doctors in this area who will do so. she’s also pro-VBAC, and we’ve already discussed that we will be attempting a VBAC for my next pregnancy. even though i do hope for that VBAC, i don’t want to do anything to my scar in case i end up with another c-section. at that point she will resect the scar and remove the scar tissue when she closes me back up. if i do get the VBAC however, i will have a plastic surgeon repair the scar at a later point.

 

if i do end up with another c-section, i know i will be devastated, as it will be my last child.

Post # 8
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

As the others have said Birth Disappointment can be traumatic for some folks.  Babies though come WHEN and HOW they please, in the end, you have a healthy baby and that is all that matters.

C-Section Disappointment is nothing new… many women feel that it is a huge fail if they don’t have an all natural vaginal birth.

It truly isn’t, it is just another way of doing the same thing… much like you can drive a car or a truck to work, they are different, but ultimately they both do the same thing… get you there.  Sure some may prefer one over the other, but that doesn’t make the other one bad or less, just different.

Back when I had my kids (1980s) a woman was in the Hospital a lot longer then after a C-Section (5 to 7 Days was the norm), and much was done to help out new Moms in this timeframe with their new babies.  Including talking thru issues that might be bothering them… Birth Disappointment was a much discussed issue (not the way one imagined, hope for… or even up to one’s cultural expectation… ie some cultures see women as failing if they resort to drugs thru delivery).  These sessions were very informative.

Honestly, if you continue to see HOW YOUR BABY WAS BORN as a significant issue then you may need to talk with a Professional who can tell you more (OBGYN, Nurse Practitioner etc) because in the long run and span of their lives and yours, it is just a blip.  And certainly not any sort of judgement / reflection on yourself as a Mother.  In that the two ideas just aren’t related whatsoever… or even on you as a woman.

I am just over 50 years old.  I was a C-Section baby in a time when this was a NEW thing.  Before that if you had a difficult pregnancy, breach delivery etc… more often than not someone died… Mother or Child (occasionally both)

I mean realistically, you should be thankful that we have modern medicine here that deliver healthy children without a whole lot of stress on the mother (vs 50 years ago).

Is there an upside to having a C-Section?  Ya bet there is…

Lol, I remember one nurse who said, I may have a longer recovery than the natural mom (6 to 8 weeks with a C-Section)… but the day after I was up and about, enjoying a shower and washing my hair… while the “natural birth” mom was still in bed cut up from stem to stern… and in a lot of pain. I had discomfort for sure… but wasn’t in pain.

And my C-Section incision never wrecked havoc with our sex life… as it wasn’t anywhere near where “the action” happened.

So ya, lots of great things about having C-Sections (not the least of which is holding a newborn baby that is yours) 

Post # 10
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m so sorry that you did not get the birth experience you planned for. You might find it interesting to read this blog: navelgazingmidwife.squarespace.com.

She has a whole series called “Ceserean Scar” where women write about their c-section experiences, good and bad. It may make you feel less alone to read some of the negative stories, or give you a more comforted perspective to read some of the positive stories.

Post # 13
Member
4038 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m still a few weeks out from giving birth. We’re planning for a vaginal birth, but having to get a c-sec and being disappointed with my birth experience is something I worry about, so every day I remind myself of some of the positives of c-sections, and read positive c-section stories just in case something goes wrong.

I don’t think your disappointment is at all invalid, but however she came out, you still gave birth to her…I think it’s doing you a disservice to think otherwise (i.e wanting to say “I had her surgically removed”).

I hope you start to feel better about it, and post more pictures of your little girl!

Post # 14
Member
9826 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’m sorry you’re disappointed in your experience. Though I did not have a c-section I totally relate to being bummed out about my own birth experience. I feel like something really important was taken away from me, and even though I know that a healthy baby is the ultimate goal, it still stings a little.

I hope you feel better soon!

Post # 15
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@cyndistar3: I definitely can relate to your post! I had my DD in April 09 by an emergency c-section after failing to progress from being induced and it was an emotional roller coaster. This was my first child and I was already scared out of my mind about delivery but to hear we have to induce you today because out of nowhere preclampsia has reared its ugly head put me on high alert. Long story short after 28 hours of labor couldn’t get past 6. I had an epidural which wore off by the time I was prepped for surgery. It then turned into a “real surgical procedure” and no one was allowed in the room with me and I was put under general anesthesia. Scary!! I remember waking up and just feeling like what happened did I have her and where is she!  It obviously me awhile to get over how I was feeling. I didnt’ have that instant connection with my daughter like how I thought it would be and I still ached at my scar for months down the road. I was told by my dr that it takes almost 3 years for that scar to fully heal to the point where you won’t have those annoying pains. Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to let you know that I totally understood how you are feeling. 

Post # 16
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@cath3114:  I just found out I am prego with #2 and I am hoping to try for a VBAC. There is only about 6 drs in my area that will do it and I was actually able to get an appt with one that does. I am still unsure of how I feel about it but I just want to feel like I have some kind of control in my delivery this time instead of feeling like I am forced to do something because of the drs. scare tactic. I have been reading Your Best Birth; which I think is quite informative on steps you can take to have a birth that works for you.

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