Call families to let them know "no kids" or let them find out via RSVP

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I call the parents ahead of time to let them know "no kids"?
    Yes, its considerate! : (5 votes)
    5 %
    Yes, because otherwise they still might bring them! : (11 votes)
    11 %
    No. It's on the invite, they should respect that! : (83 votes)
    84 %
  • Post # 3
    9204 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I don’t think you need to call them unless you want to. They will find out when they receive the invitation. Let me put this another way, would you call every person you aren’t inviting to let them know they’re not invited before the invitations are sent out? I doubt it, so why do it now?

    ETA: if they add their kids to RSVP that is the time to call them and have a little chat to remind them it is adults only.

    Post # 4
    871 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @Diamond84:  I would call beforehand. I did this and I think it 1. Got rid of any confusion and 2. Mainly let me explain “its not just your kid we arent having any kids for xyz reason and here are some options for babysitting/accomadtions for your child” I think everyone appreciated the call because it gave them the sense we cared that the no kids thing may be inconvienant and let me explain that it wasn’t like I was just excluding their child for some reason. I also don’t have to worry about people adding their kids to rsvps now.

    Post # 5
    3644 posts
    Sugar bee

    We addresses the S-t-Ds – sent out 10 months before the wedding, to just the adults. We will be addressing the invitations the same way. It doesn’t involve too many people on my side, but it is common, in our area, so most should be aware of the practice. One couple is excited to leave the 3 kids with grandmom, for the weekend, and enjoying a get-away.

    I don’t know how it will be with the FHs third of the guest list; they’re from across the state. There are no little ones among family, but there are among friends and bridal party. We will not be putting “and guest” on anyone’s invitation, since it might leave them open to bringing a child. (The invitations will not have “adults only,” or any similar wording). We have limited capacity, have to pay for a minimum number of adult guests attending, and in a historic structure, with only certain rooms available, so it’s not suitable for kids.

    My sister did the same, but had on the welcome page of her website “The evening has been planned for adult guests 21+.” No one tried to add them on, and only 4 people didn’t attend (out of 250), because of it.




    Post # 6
    3217 posts
    Sugar bee

    It is never polite to mention who isn’t invited.  Focus on the positive and who is invited.

    If anyone makes a mistake and adds someone not invited, call them and let them know.  It’s not a huge deal.

    Post # 7
    10748 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I wouldn’t. Most people should get the message and then you’d only need to call those who cross out the 2 and write 4. And hopefully nobody does! 

    Post # 8
    1627 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    You know your family best.  While I don’t think you need to call people about something they will soon enoigh read on your own, people take liberties with RSVPs. If you know this could be an issue and cause more aggravation when the RSVPs roll in by all means hedge your bets ans make the calls.


    “Hey so and so, I’m dropping my invites in the mail next week, so be on the look out for yours. I can’t wait to celebrate with you and your SO. Hopefully you’ll be able to get a babysitter that evening and make it.” Something like that which also signals to them a  RSVP- decline is perfectly fine because of the kids.

    Post # 9
    4163 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    We had a few people travelling whom I wanted to give as much notice as possible- offered to assist with babysitting if needed, but no one took me up on it. Since we sent out save the dates, I wanted to make sure those flying in for the wedding realized that it was just the couple invited.

    Post # 10
    6525 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Diamond84:  There is always going to be at least one person who thinks they are an exception to the “no kids” rule.

    Even though its stated on the invite and they SHOULD respect, some people just play dumb and RSVP anyway or they might calll you. Just be prepared to let them know that there will be no kids

    Post # 11
    1613 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Diamond84:  When DH and I got were getting married, I called all my relatives with children beforehand and stated something along the lines of “Because the wedding and reception are gonig to extend late into the evening it’s an adult wedding and reception. I wanted to call you now so you can make babysitting arraingements”

    It worked for us but like a PP said only you know your family

    Post # 12
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @Diamond84:  I voted no. The entire point of an invitation is to give your guests all the pertinent information about your event so that they can decide to accept or not.

    Beyond that, allowing them to receive the information by invitation lets them digest the no kids thing. Either they’re the type who get it or they’re the type that will freak out. If it’s the former, great. But if it’s the latter, you really don’t want or need to deal with that blowback over the phone.

    Spare yourself.

    Post # 13
    240 posts
    Helper bee

    Could you write a little note and tuck it in with the save-the-dates, something like:

    “Suzy, Just wanted to give you a heads up that this will probably be an adults-only reception. Please let me know if you want me to help you find childcare” or something like that

    Post # 15
    236 posts
    Helper bee

    I called my close friends who I knew had very young children or would have to make more complicated arrangements to attend without children.  I called them before the invites went out, and all were happy to have the heads up and start planning.   People I wasn’t as concerned about attending/ not as close with, I didn’t bother.  Our invitations didn’t state anything about no children but our website had a small notation “please note this is an adult only event”.   Only had one of FI’s aunts argue that her granddaughters should come, but nothing major.

    Post # 16
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We did rsvp’s that way and it sent the mesaage loud and clear. We actually were willing to allow kids if people asked and even told people that in conversation but no one brought them Or even tried. 

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