Post # 1
Sooo..heres the deal…i feel like calling off the engagement..not because im doubting or anything. I love the guy to death we’ve been together for almost 5 years. Our date isnt until 2016, but within the last two months theres been certain things that make me think if it was the right time to get engaged. But then i also think that those could of happened even without the engagement. It has nothing to do with our relationship, were perfectly fine. Its more money wise, his car broke down last month and he has been using mine, and this morning we got into a minor car accident nothing big. While nothing happened to our car, the other persons car bumper almost fell off later in the day. The reason why id want to call it off is because if money issues that have happened the last two months such as the 1500$ fix from the guys bumper, and him having to buy another car. We havent done any planning and probably wont until 1 more year. So my question is, should i call it off due to financial issues? Or not worry since there is still 1more year to get more money? We both make Decent money, but we are by no means rich
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2014 - Villa Celeste
I don’t think you have to call off the engagement, you could just postpone your wedding. My fiance and I started planning 2 years into our engagement. Long story short, we got completely overwhelmed and ended up changing our entire wedding plan. We extended our engagement by two more years and are finally getting married after four this September. We didn’t have financial issues, but I was finishing grad school, we were buying a house together, it just wasn’t the right timing. Honestly though 2016 is 2 years away, and I think that would give you sufficient time to get back on your feet. I really don’t think you need to start intensive planning for another year or so.
My advice would be, either stick with the date or postpone the wedding. I don’t see any reason to call off the engagement completely, as you still intend to marry him.
Post # 3
FutureMrs_: If you’re sincerely considering calling off an engagment due to money issues, a broken bumper, and/or $1500 (which sadly- while it is a lot of money, these days it’s not a lot of money :(), then yep, I suggest you call it off.
Money is one of the biggest stressors in life for many couples, so if you’re already feeling stressed because of it and potentially wanting to call it quits, even though the rest of your relationsip is awesome…..then you’re not in it for better or for worse– which is what your engagement is supposed to lead up to.
We have had a heck of spending year in 2014. We just paid cash for our wedding in Nov 2013. Then Christmas (we have a kid!), then my car completely broke down in January and we had to replace it. not 3 weeks later and our dryer broke. $600+. Not even a week later and my husband’s truck had a $1k repair– and THEN- another one right after it, so we realized we should replace his car. New car for him. My 2012 taxes have a mistake on them– I owe more.
You see where I am going with this. We are not broke, but we don’t have this kind of money to spend all the time like this– we make the smartest decisions we can with what we have.
If you guys can’t afford a big wedding but truly want to be married, have a small, intimate wedding!!
Post # 4
It’s one thing to postpone the wedding date and another to completely call off the engagement. It’s up to you how long you want to be engaged and I don’t think you should go through the process of calling off the engagement. What happens later? Does your FI re-propose? Unless I completely misunderstood the post.
I’m fairly certain you can move the wedding date and not have any problems since it’s so far away, but you have two years and you could save up enough to get married when you originally wanted to as well. 🙂
Post # 5
Were you refering to call the engagement off as in pushing the wedding further back or as in to not be engaged anymore to him? If you’re doubting being with him or that should get married at all, then call off the engagement – if you’re feeling like need more time to plan for financial reasons then postpone then wedding date.
Post # 6
I think you’ve just got your words a little mixed up. Calling off an engagement means that you no longer want to be engaged and heading towards marriage, most people who call off an engagment are breaking up.
I think you mean you want to postpone the wedding. That is, push the wedding date back (say, till 2017), but still be an engaged couple heading towards marriage. There are no rules for how long an an engagement can be.
I would suggest not setting a date until you have a really good emergency fund set up so that when things like this happen it doesn’t cause you stress.
Post # 7
To me, a postponed wedding would make more sense if you still want to work towards a marriage.
Calling off the engagement signals that you don’t want to work towards a marriage.
If my FI wanted to call off our engagement simply due to financial issues that would prevent us from having a wedding, it would be over.
Post # 8
yes, sorry ladies it what late late at night. I meant to say push back the wedding. As of now it was June 4th 2016, I wouldn’t want an engagement longer than 3years, but if that’s what it comes to, to be with the love of my life, then so be it.
Post # 9
I think you need to have a good look at your long term finances. If this is pushing your wedding that is already 2 years away back more, I would examin your spending and saving habits. Can both save for your future, emergencies, and the wedding you want? If you can’t do this, scaling back the wedding might be another option.
Post # 10
FutureMrs_: Being engaged simply means you plan on getting married. It doesn’t matter if it’s in 2 months or in 2 years. I wouldn’t cancel the engagement if the issue is money-related. I would either change my wedding plans or postpone it. As other Bees have suggested, looking into a budget that will work for you is also a good starting point. Maybe all you need is a little bit more structure when it comes to saving and spending.
Sit with your fiancé, discuss your goals say in the next 5 years, and think about a budget that will allow you to succeed. You only need papers and witness to get married, ultimately… so what you need to discuss is how you will both manage money, how much should go to the emergency fund, car saving, wedding saving. Maybe you’ll find out the wedding budget you’ve set is just not working with your financial situation, then make changes accordingly. Starting to do this now will have a positive impact on your future marriage, because money is often a conflictual topic among couples, but it shouldn’t be. Make sure you are on the same page, and working together as a team toward the same goals.
Post # 11
FutureMrs_: Nope, don’t call it off and don’t postpone it. Things are aaaaaaaalways going to happen. It’s just life. My fiance lost his job April 8th and our (albeit small) wedding is still going on Saturday. What if 6 months before the wedding you break your leg? Or have another car accident? Or lose a job? Things happen.
Post # 12
FutureMrs_: Ya I think life is just happening…as it tends to do. If your relationship is otherwise strong and you love him and plan to marry him one day, then I see absolutely no reason to call off the engagement. Delay the wedding until your ducks are in a row? Sure. Call off the engagement? That could do more harm than good, I think.
Post # 13
erw4338: @erw4338 (not sure how to quote when on my phone)
That’s exactly what me and FI are doing. Under different circumstances would we rather get married sooner than later (and I’m so excited! 😀 ) but we’re 25, go to Uppsala University (in Sweden), just did our Bachelors and starting our respective 2-year Masters programs this fall. We don’t even live together, we live in separate students’ housing (even getting a students’ apartment is sooo difficult 🙁 ) so obviously, the timing isn’t right. We have to move in together first, get our degrees and start looking for jobs, and save enough money for a wedding reception (CH wedding). It won’t probably be until 2016/17, we’ll be 27 or 28, but it will be worth waiting. And we won’t be getting “less married, “doubting the engagement” or whatever just because it’s 3 years.
So, OP, I’d postpone the wedding. Not call the engagement off. You still want to spend the rest of your life with this man even if you wait 3 years? Keep the ring on girl 🙂