Call off the entire thing? So upset and confused.(long)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I would go back to your planner and tell him/her that you need to adjust the budget down and you need assistance re-negotiating the current contracts to meet the new budget. I would also make it very clear that if the planner cannot help you meet the new budget, you have no problems just walking away from the whole thing. That should motivate the planner to start looking out for your budgetary best interest so as not to lose the whole deal.

 

Post # 4
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I would figure out the rest of your costs (and sorry, you don’t NEED a limo, for example)… you don’t NEED guest favors.. you don’t need to pay for the bridal party’s hair/makeup… find things to cut.

Once you know the budget for sure, I would see if either of you could get another job to cover the extra costs. If not, I would not go into debt for a wedding.

Maybe I have a freakishly small family and circle of friends, but how can you be CLOSE to 100 people? We’re inviting 3 people to our wedding lol. My SO’s overseas parents and sister can’t make it.. and we’re fine with that. My mom, sister, and best friend are coming. 50 people is a lot. I am not sure I could even think of 50 people who I’d actually want at my wedding. I think cutting the guest list is probably the best option for you unless you want to call it off completely.

 

Post # 5
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Edit – double post

 

Post # 6
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Sorry you’re going through this, and even more sorry that it’s causing issues between you and your FI. If I were you, I would cancel the wedding and elope. If you are totally against eloping, I woud fire the wedding planner, get a less expensive venue and plan it myself, at least then you’d have total control and not feel pressured about what vendors to use.

Post # 7
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Has your financial situation changed since you started planning the wedding? I’m just confused why now you’re saying you guys could swing a 15-18k wedding, but you told your planner 20-25k. How much have you already paid into the wedding planner? What does your contract with her say about cancellation? That would be the first thing I would cut — plenty of people plan their weddings without a coordinator, and it sounds like she’s pushing her agenda and friends onto you.

If you can only afford a 15-18k wedding, you can’t afford a $4600 photographer, a $3600 wedding planner, and in most cases, a $3600 building with nothing included. You spent almost half of your budget on a building and a planner.

Post # 8
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@canarydiamond:  Some people have large families. We invited 88 people, including the bridal party–65 of those invited are family members.

@lina010:  I agree with this. I would strongly suggest looking into eloping and cancelling what you have booked and getting back what you can. 

Post # 9
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MUAbride2be:  Your post is not alone in a sea of many, many people whom go above and beyond their wedding budget, because as you put it, SHIT IS EXPENSIVE, and IT ADDS UP QUICKLY. 

I think for you two to call the whole thing off, and take the loss would be silly.  You are not talking a couple thousand dollar loss here, but THOUSANDS of dollars that would be lost.  That would be a lot more ‘traumatizing’ to you, and your bank account in the end.  We spent x, and have nothing to show for it…type of thing.

Going forward, I think you need to put things into 1 of 2 columns.  The ‘we spent this money, and must continue’ column or the ‘we have not spent the money…yet’ column.  In column A, it seems to me you have reception, caterer, planner and photographer ALL SET.  Leave those things ‘as is’, and go back and play around if/where/when you can!!  Does your photography package include extra hours, extra hands, an extra session, or an album…things you can CUT NOW in order to save NOW?!  Catering…can you cut appetizers out, or a ‘stand of food’ out?!  Anything to diminish the overall cost?  OH, and your WEDDING PLANNER – SHE BEST BE WORKIGN WITH YOU TO HELP YOU FIGURE THESE THINGS OUT…bc that is what you paid her to do!!!  I am not amused she has allowed you to exceed your budget…

As far as the ‘things not spent yet’.  There are so many ways to save going forward:

* Fake cake, with a sheet cake in the kitchen for serving. 

* Flowers: seasonal, simple…DIY…non-floral centerpieces – you name it.

* Honeymoon, if desired, can be pushed back until you cushion your account

* GUEST LIST:  My motto is if you are not contributing, than your ‘opinions’ are not needed.  If you can lessen it by taking away people, your parents friends, then do it.  You will ultimately be ordering and sending your invitations anyways 🙂

These are just some suggestions.  Over spending on a wedding is easy to do.  Over spending to a point where you cannot afford it, will never be OK.  You know what that ‘cap’ is, and now you have to make it work.  I think you can do it!! GOOD LUCK!

Post # 10
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d get rid of the planner first and foremost. Sure, it makes life easier but it’s not necessary for nearly 25% of your budget.  Also, she isn’t sticking with your budget which makes her a crappy planner in my opinion.

I think you should keep the amazing venue if it’s what you truly love.  Cut back the guest list, I know it will be hard but really there are probably only a handful of people that you really care about being there that day. At least that was the case for me. 

I’d consider doing a cocktail reception and serving beer/wine only. 

I think you can absolutely do your wedding on your budget, you’ve just got to be really smart and keep track of every penny!

Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@cmbr:  generally I agree, but at this point it’s not helpful to make the OP feel even worse about the situation.

 

@MUAbride2be:  I would go straight to the planner and explain that you need to rework things to get closer to the 20k budget you originally presented her with. Make it clear that the only other option is to scrap the whole thing. I agree the the PP who pointed out that you do not need a limo, favors, paying for bridal party hair make up, those are all bonuses. Drive yourself to the wedding or have a friend do it, maybe a MOH? Skip favors. And have your BM’s take care of their own hair and make up. that cuts things down right there. Look for other ways to cut things down. Maybe not as many food stations? A smaller photography package? See if it might be possible to cancel the photographer and look for someone who is starting out and wants to bulk up their portfolio? start getting creative with ways to cut down the budget.

Post # 12
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

omg, Elope! It’s not worth your sanity, honey. 

Post # 13
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@stardustintheeyes:  Not trying to make her feel worse — I’m giving her options on what to cut. She needs to dump that wedding planner and hopefully she can get some of that money back. It’s not reasonable to spent 1/3 of the budget on a photographer, so that would be another thing to try and rework.

Post # 14
Member
1894 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would have a very serious talk w FI And then wed planner….. i think that first step is seeing if you can get any refunds (losing $500 deposit or so might be worth it)

next cut way back…..if you can’t ditch the planner and photog renegotiateto the absolute minimum

finally rethink your wedding…..awesome location w merrygoround is perfect for a bbq style wedding? bbq is a lot cheaper than other caterring. what about booze? tables/chairs? 

i would seriously consider diy Ipod DJ (or trusted friend) as well as very very minimal flowers/decor….don’t waste another cent in things that aren’t absolutely necessary

also….any chance of a side job? waitressing etc to earn a few hundred more a month would add up

 

Post # 15
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MUAbride2be:  Did you consider eloping? It doesn’t make sense to go into debt for a wedding. You can have a really sweet, intimate elopement ceremony and bring along 2 folks who are close to you to act as witnesses. We are doing exactly that and we are so excited!

Post # 16
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Go with Option C: “WTF wedding planner?!? Can you do math or what?”

I also think you really meant to tell her your budget was $15k and $20k was a stretch, rather than what you did tell her which is about $5k over that.  I understand though, because you think it’s going to work and then you realize that although it could work, you’d rather save the money.

Also, a planner typically costs about 10% of the total wedding budget. So, if your planner is costing $3600 that’s more in line with a $36k wedding (approximately).

I love your venue just from hearing about it.  But between the $3,600 venue & $11,600 catering, that’s 15,200 & you’re over budget already.  The catering price seems just a little high to me, (at $116/pp) considering you’re renting the venue separately.  Is that something that could be reduced?

I understand feeling really limited by finances and living in a more expensive area.

People will tell you all the things that you don’t need in order to get married, but what you really don’t need is video and a limo.

 

Good luck! I think you can still have a beautiful wedding if that’s what you want. If not, there’s plenty of time to elope!

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