Post # 1
Hey bees. Im dealing with an issue from my wedding and am unsure if I should do something about it or just let it go.
I got married less than a month ago (wow that feels crazy to say!) and post wedding, have had some convos with friends and family about it all. For the most part it’s been all good things. Until just recently my sister told me that before the ceremony, one of my good friends and bridesmaids was talking badly about other girls, the wedding, my mom, etc.
What makes this interesting is my BM was speaking in a different language (French) and my sister understood bc she’s mastered in it, etc. My BM had no clue and was speaking it to a fellow BM who also can speak it well. Slight backstory is these 2 often chat in French, even when I have been around them, because it’s an easy way to discuss things privately or honestly to talk crap.
I honestly have never cared until my sis told me about this.. bc it wasn’t just light gossip it was hurtful things she was saying about my wedding and my friends and at times my mom and my sister.
This BM also has been on and off rude to me before my wedding, which hurts bc I was a BM for her wedding and traveled overseas for it… and at my wedding she was being nitpicky, grumpy and told me she had to leave early bc she wasn’t staying in a hotel an extra night.
Prior to hearing about the mean convos she had, I was trying to let the other stuff go. She tends to have a hard personality to work with and I often just back off or disengage bc I don’t want to fight.
Now I’m not sure if I should bring this up to her because it really upsets me.. it definitely upset my sister as she basically heard this girl talking badly about her in earshot. And the things said about my mom and other people were negative and nasty as well.
Have any of you brought up something dramatic or weird that happened pre-wedding or that happened during the actual wedding? Especially if it was a friend/BM? or would you just let it go?
Post # 2
Bin her off as a friend and moved on with your happy married life
Post # 3
I’d ghost her. If she ever said anything I’d respond that “It’ll come as a surprise to you, but my sister is fluent in French. So all of those things you thought you were snarking and saying in private about my family were heard and understood. I’m sticking with family since you showed your true backstabbing colors.” But I wouldn’t say anything unless she brought it up.
Post # 4
sunshadebride : agree with above… if you chew her out over it, all she’s going to do is lie to your face, roll her eyes and talk about you even more behind your back. She’s not the type to change her attitude or realize she was in the wrong, or care. Not a good friend, so just kiss her goodbye without wasting your time.
Post # 5
Post # 6
Yup, agree with fascinated, just dump her from your life and if she asks about it, tell her the truth. You don’t need people like that in your life, but don’t waste your time trying to confront her about it, it’s behind you and you need to focus on going forward with your life.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - My parents' back yard
This behaviour is just so rude, I don’t know where to start. I agree with PPs, it sounds like she is not a positive part of your life. I would end the friendship.
The petty side of me would love to see your sister join in one of their little chats as a surprise and then tell them in French that she had heard all of their nasty conversations and they should feel ashamed for being so horrible!
Post # 8
these 2 often chat in French, even when I have been around them, because it’s an easy way to discuss things privately or honestly to talk crap.
Ineresing that it never bothered you until you found out they were talking crap about you and people close to you.
Post # 9
julies1949 : It didn’t massively. It’d be us all at a bar and they’d talk to each other about how weird a guy was being or it’d be them wanting to discuss something private while being in a big group. To me it was sort of how my husbands fam often switched to Spanish to discuss things.
It isn’t like always ideal bc I do feel left out but I never thought it was this kind of nasty stuff they’d be discussing.. Mainly the one BM I am mentioning. The other BM I am surprised about bc she’s always been very nice so..
Post # 10
“you showed your true backstabbing colors” made me literal lol. Don’t waste any more time or energy on this.
Post # 11
I would send her a message telling her that your sister speaks French and has told you everything they said on the day of your wedding – and then delete them from your life. They sound horrible. I’m so sorry that you didn’t find out their true colours before the wedding.
Post # 12
The real problem is your sister who just haaaad to tell you this. You did not need to hear about this, which now put a damper on your wedding memories.
She didn’t save you from anything (the old “she should know!” thing) because you already knew this bridesmaid wasn’t a nice person and your friendship was already on the way out.
People who tattle tale (“Do you know what she said about you!?”) just like being looked at as “the good one” when in actuality she put some bad feelings on your wedding whenever you think about it.
Post # 13
The thing is, don’t we all have “bad things” to comment on other people’s weddings/events, all behind their backs? Isn’t it part of what this website is for?
I didn’t spend an extra night at my friend’s wedding to save money, I was the MOH, and we’re still vest friends.
I feel like there’s more to this.
Post # 14
People like that will always be like that and they don’t deserve to have a friend like you. I don’t think it is worthwhile confronting her, I would just drop her out of her life. People who like to talk behind peoples back will pretty much always do it and you don’t tneed that kind of negativity in your life. Plus when you hang out with people like that their bad habits rub off on you, and her influence can make you a worse person too.
Post # 15
There’s really no point in bringing it up unless you want to salvage the friendship, which why would you want to? Ghost her. Sounds likes she’s always been petty af, so why would she stop now? If she says something about it later, learn how to say “because you’re a backstabbing a-hole” in French or something, and toodaloo the F outta there.