- 6 years ago
I’ve had a couple posts about random wedding details over the last month or so. I was in full planning mode for this 100 person, budget wedding for September 1, 2013. We even had the venue booked, along with every single detail you could think of. Both of us were extremely excited, and I tried to push away all the negativity from my family. I’m currently 19 (I know, “OMG you’re so young, immature,etc.” But I feel and act much, much older, and the Fiance was about to graduate with his Bachelor’s. We have both gone through a lot of adult situations at a young age and ended up having to grow up fast. Neither of us were interested in the party scene and would have rather curled up on the couch with popcorn, our cat, Milo, and a movie). I would have been 20 when we got married. My family just kept saying I would get pregnant right away and drop out of school. They would be here for the impending divorce, etc. All the time. From everyone on my side of the family. Even though, I practically lived with him already and hadn’t ended up pregnant yet…
His family, however, was excited and couldn’t wait. The difference was like night and day. It all began to wear though. The constant little, snide comments from my mom, my aunts, and my grandparents. It still drives me nuts that they all turned up their noses at my ring and talked about the failure of my future marriage and college career non-stop. Regardless of the fact that I’m extremely driven with fantastic grades, and had an Fiance who wouldn’t have let me drop out. period. The down payment for the venue came due. And the I realized…
I can’t do this.
Problems had been popping up after my ex-FI moved out of his parents house, and I felt I couldn’t bring up anything without getting personally attacked myself. So, I just stopped communicating completely and internalized everything. Bad idea. Everything he did drove me up the wall, and I was beginning to (regretably) develop the wondering eye, especially after the constant bickering began. That on top of the lack of support became too much. We went on a break for a few days, and then broke up entirely.
I decided to go out on a date with someone else shortly thereafter which ended up being a huge mistake, and now have to see that guy in some of my college classes. I missed my ex so much. So, I decided to go have a sit down with him.
I had heard some rumors from friends (who ended up just wanting to see drama unfold and weren’t really friends at all), and approached him about them. We ended up talking for about 12 hours straight and decided we wanted to make it work. We handled all the problems with a new level of maturity, without bickering, and with a new appreciation for eachother. At the end of the day, we realized we loved eachother, we were meant to be, and we had to make this work. So far, its been 2 weeks and things couldn’t be better. We are officially back together, and there are no solid wedding plans in the future. No engagement either. And I’m completely okay with that. We decided we will wait until the time is right whether that be in a year or two or twenty from now, but we are going to elope. Just the two of us. My family wouldn’t support my decision even if I was forty years old with a doctorate and a million dollars in the bank, and they all tend to have the attitude that the first marriage is a practice run before the real thing (aka the second or third marriage). *eyeroll*. As of this moment, we are just enjoying eachother and shutting out everyone else’s opinions. The timing just wasn’t right, but the person definitely is 🙂
My moral of the story: if it doesn’t feel right… Don’t do it. If you love eachother, you will make it work somehow. I know at 19 it sounds crazy, but he is absolutely my soul mate, that person that gives you butterflies just by touching you, and someone I can just get lost in. I’m so lucky to have him and that he at 22 has the maturity to sit down and communicate his feelings. He’s a old-fashioned sweetie pie who I could literally go on and on about (but I won’t bore you).
This post was slightly aimless and random, and for that I appologize. But if someone is starting to get pre-wedding jitters that are becoming full-blown doubts, then you need to communicate with your Fiance. And a called-off engagement isn’t the end of the world because there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Happy planning, bees!