Post # 1
Last May I called off my wedding 2 weeks before the big day. I had been with my fiance for 5 years, we lived together, we had a blast and were best friends. Something completely took over. I was so scared and nervous…I began having stress dreams and getting ulcers, grinding my teeth etc. Somehow I knew it wasnt right. I talked to him and called it off. It was very sad but at the same time I was relieved. My stress disappeared and I went on my honeymoon cruise with my mom.
When I returned home, I was still relieved. Began starting my life over and planning for a new future. I didnt speak to my ex fiance for 4 months. We exchanged emails and decided to meet and catch up. Sparks flew like it was the first time we met. We talked and laughed for hours, even went to a movie. We began to secretly date.
Fast forward to today and I am so in love with him it hurts. All I can see is how perfect he is for me and the life we could have. I am also deeply hurt because of the grief/guilt I feel about dumping him 2 weeks before the wedding. I want it to work so badly, but his family have ill feelings toward me and do NOT want us back togther. He is having some trouble as well…feeling comfortable enough to want to try again because he is so scared I will leave him again. He said May 2011 was the worst experience of his life.
We get along so much better now and something has definetly changed for the better. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise to make it work the next time around.
Has anyone else been through this? Can it work??
Hoping and Praying!
Post # 3
DH and I didn’t have quite as extreme a timeline as you did, but we did date seriously, break up, and then get back together. We dated for two years at the end of high school and the beginning of college. We were young, but we planned on getting married one day. We were very, very serious.
After our first semester of college, DH broke up with me. He said he still loved me, but he didn’t think we were growing up like we needed to. I was completely heartbroken, and the year after our breakup was one of the darker periods of my life. We didn’t even talk to each other for two and a half years, and it was another two years after that before we agreed to meet.
Like you, the sparks flew with us once again. My parents knew I was planning to see him again, and they were really concerned when I saw them a few days later. Even though I hadn’t seen them in over a year (I had been living abroad and was just in the US to visit), the thing they asked me about first was how my meeting with my now DH went. They expected me to be heartbroken all over again. They didn’t dislike DH, but they didn’t approve of him because of how much pain he had already put me through.
A few months later, DH and I started officially dating. My parents were still concerned. I think what finally changed their minds was that DH emailed them (he couldn’t do it in person because he lived on the other side of the country) to apologize for what he put me through and to state his new intentions regarding me. He told them why he broke up with me the first time and why he thought it could work this time around. I think my parents really respected him for acknowledging all the pain he had caused and then saying why he didn’t think it would happen again.
Almost three years later, DH and I are now happily married, and my family loves him.
Your BF’s family has every reason to be wary of you. There was probably a lot of money wasted on the wedding that wasn’t, and I’m sure the pain was awful. You can’t change that. I think your best bet is to acknowledge all that and apologize. Hopefully, after you do that, they might be willing to trust you again.
Post # 4
My sister and BIL’s relationship was really similar to this, and they’re back together and have been happily married for three years now as well. It can work!
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I almost broke up with my FI, or him with me, a long time ago when I was living abroad and there was another person involved (we had kind of an open relationship at the time). I later realized what a terrible idea it was and luckily he was able to forgive me for spending time with this other person.
Every time I think about it, I am POSITIVE that losing him would have been the biggest mistake of my life and I’m so grateful that we were able to move past it. Do you feel the same way? If so, I think this kind of thing can be a big learning experience. If you can convince him, then you can convince his family together. If not, if you still have tiny lingering doubts, I’d spare the guy and move on.
Post # 6
I think this can work, but you will need work harder to regain his trust before he can fully commit to you and the relationship. His family may never come around and that’s okay, but you do need to appreciate his concerns and try to alleviate them.
Post # 7
I also think it work. I will say it’s important that you don’t rush thing, and you realize that you guys are in a different relationship now and he might not be ready to married. The fact that he even dating you after that big disappoint I think speaks to how strong the his love is.
My situation wasn’t as extreme, but I might my Fi shortly after a breakup with my ex whom I been with for five years. We got very close and were dating and spent almost every day together for over four months. When my ex came back with a ring, I was confused, put under pressure on all sides. I end up breaking up with Fi even thoug hwe weren’t offically dating.
To say he pissed at me is an understatement, and even thogh I gave the ring back a few weeks later, and didn’t do anything(sexual) with my ex, he didn’t take me back, and didn’t speak to me for over a year. Out of the blue he called me.
The only member of his family I knew and met through was his Brother. We were friends for months before I even met Fi, and to say he was very cold and distrustful of me. I cleared the air with him, told him I was human and made mistakes. I think he thawed and hopefully one day we can be friends again.
My advice is to be upfront about your mistakes, about the very serious and I think right reasons you called off the wedding. Then be polite firm and don’t allow yourself to mistreated or turned into a doormat. Your behavior hopefully will eventually win him an his family over. They probably won’t forget, but hopefully the forgive.