Post # 1
We were going to get married in August 2014, but we have no money. Planning a wedding is no fun when you’re broke. There are other reasons, but that’s the main one.
We decided to skip the wedding and get married on May 1st instead. It’s a Thursday, but it works with our schedule and I like that date for our anniversary. He likes that it’s International Workers Day, lol. We’ll probably go to the town hall and then take a long weekend. I’m excited and relieved. We never did any concrete planning, so we’re not losing out on any deposits or anything like that.
Now I’m not sure if we should tell people what we’re doing or not. Everyone already knows that we were originally planning on getting married in August, and most people I’ve talked to know that I wasn’t too enthusiastic about planning. If we tell people, I feel like they’re going to try and pressure me into having a wedding after all. But if we don’t tell people, I worry that they might get offended or disappointed. My dad was really excited when I told him I was getting married, and my mom has already told people (without consulting me) that they are invited to the wedding. What’s the protocol for a situation like this?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@lampshade: Congrats! You are going to avoid so much stress by eloping. Elope then mail out wedding announcements to the friends and family you want to know that you’re married. As far as telling people before eloping, I highly recommend keeping it quiet and asking the few people you tell to keep it quiet so you don’t have to deal with BS from unsupportive people.
Post # 4
I would elope, and mail out wedding announcements. See if people even want to have a small get together to celebrate. NOT for gifts, just to celebrate.
If it were me, I’d at least have our parents there as part of it, but if you want it to just be you and FI then I understand that too. But don’t stress if you don’t have the money and things like that, do what YOU guys want to do. Tell your parents the week of it, so they can’t pressure you.. Hey we need you on Thursday May 1st and then you don’t even really have to tell them WHY.. Surprise them with a quick wedding.
Post # 5
We weren’t planning on having our parents there because my mom lives 3,000 miles away. I guess I’ll have to ask her what she wants to do but I don’t think it’s cool to expect her and my stepfather to fly all the way out here for something so small, instead of the wedding they were expecting.
My boyfriend doesn’t really like his mother (I don’t either). And between the two of us we have 5 siblings, 2 of whom are in serious relationships. So we would end up with a pretty big group of people and at that point I would want to have my grandparents there, and it would keep snowballing and we’d find ourselves underwater again!
This is what I’m worried about though. I would like to include so many people in our wedding, but it’s not financially possible. I don’t want people to end up feeling like we were just too cool for a wedding or something. I thnk it’s easier to keep it simple and just have the two of us there.
eta: I also don’t want my mom to feel obligated to come out for this, but I have to tell her what I’m doing, otherwise she’ll buy plane tickets for an August wedding thats not happening.
Post # 6
DH and I went back and forth about what we wanted to do for a wedding. We started to kinda plan one, but then realized it would be a massive waste of money for us. We decided to get married on March 7, 2012 (it was a Wednesday and our dating anniversary.) We didn’t tell anyone until about a week before we got married. We had a friend who was an ordained minister do the ceremony at a little park near by. Our parents/siblings came, and then it was done. After the ceremony, we all went out to dinner and then all was done, ha. The following weekend we had a little get together at his parents house as a “reception” so everyone had a chance to see us and whatever.
It was great! We had the money to take a fabulous honeymoon, and it was so much less stress than it an actual huge wedding. I don’t regret it one bit, but I do want to have a vow renewal one day with a pretty dress and a more “traditional” type of ceremony. Preferably in an exotic locale, heh.
Post # 7
What we did was that we eloped in July and waited to make an announcement until once we were able to do it face to face. Although when we made the announcement we fibbed on the date so that it wouldn’t seem like we were lying for months. But we did talk things out before we made the announcement about making sure we weren’t going to regert doing the big she-bang which we concluded we wouldn’t and could really repurpose that money towards other items. Although MIL did offer to host us a reception at her house which I think we turned down gracefully ( for me it’s an all or nothing type of thing).
My advice I case things got lost in what I typed is do exactly what you two want. Don’t let family pressure into doing something you don’t want. Also remember you can always do a vow renewal later on when you two are more financially sercured if you feel like you are missing out on something.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Elope! Don’t invite anyone! Once you do, there will be pressure to do a lunch or dinner which will just turn into $$$$$, which is what you want to avoid, right?
If someone wants to throw you a party, let them, but stick to your guns on the elopment!
Post # 9
@lampshade: My cousin had a planned elopement with her husband. She told her parents, and he his family, that way expectations were clear.
They married on a Thursday morning in a gazebo in a park, hired a photographer for an hour, and the very few people that they allowed to be there (immediate family only)- went out to lunch at a local restaurant.
The date of when this was happening was not disclosed to anyone other than who was to show up.
No bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal, after-party, etc.
Everyone’s needs were met, everyone was happy 🙂 The trick was that they controlled the entire event from start to finish and did not waiver in what they wanted.
Post # 10
You sound like you’re in exactly the same situation as me!
What I did was, I floated the idea of an elopement, and gave varying reasons why to different people. For example, my mother is notoriously difficult – I told my father’s side of the family (dad and grandparents) that I was worried about hassles she might cause, which naturally they understood. In turn, we told my mother we were worried about debt, and that I needed to save for my MA – she really values my education which means she instantly, ‘go elope! Being married is the important bit!’
Money and stress of course were HUGE factors in our decision, and so bending those truths meant that our family practically suggested that we elope. We’re taking four friends with us, so it’s not really eloping, but as we’re doing it so far from home, no one has really attempted to tag along – my mother and MIL could probably afford it, but FIL and my dad definitely couldn’t. It’s really taken a load off our shoulders, and best of all, my parents have offered to throw us a celebration when we come home, meaning they’ll be paying and organising. It will just be something simple – especially great as I won’t be panicking about DIY details, or which guest is sitting where, as I won’t be the host!
Get your families support, it’s easier than you might think!
Post # 11
Well, we were at my grandmother’s for Christmas Eve and the whole family was there and asked me about my wedding. I knew they would ask, but i figured I would be kind of vague about it because I wasn’t ready to discuss my elopement yet, if at all. I didn’t think they would know any details about the wedding that I WAS planning before I decided to elope. Apparently they all know every detail, so my mom must have been telling everyone! So I felt like I had to tell them about the elopement.
They seemed disappointed and like they thought I just didn’t want them there. They were saying they could all pitch in and everyone who went could contribute a hundred bucks. I don’t want to do that! The logistics sound like a nightmare and I know some people will judge me as tacky. Then they were saying we could get married for cheap at a VFW or something, with party pizzas from the grocery store. But my boyfriend and I already agreed that even though we were NOT planning on having an expensive Pinterest wedding to begin with, a VFW and grocery store platters are not our thing. So now it looks like we’re just making every excuse we can to get out of having them there, and I feel guilty.
I just want to be married without all this bullshit. I wish we lived in a common law state.