(Closed) Calling all **Formerly-Long Distance bees** out there!!!!

posted 8 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

1.) Be patient and make time. My FI and I lived apart for 3 years. He was in law school and I worked/work a crazy schedule. Sometimes it was hard to get motivated to make that 2 hour trip to visit.. but you just have to do it. I’ve learned it’s not about the quantity of the time spent but the quality. Make time for just each other.

Also, invest in Skype! I wish we would have! My FI is not good on the phone.. so that would have prevented a lot of little tiffs about “you’re not talking.”

2.) I’ve had to learn that since we live together now we don’t have to spend every minute together. I’m also learning that I’m now a part of “we” instead of just “me.”

3.) Margarita!

Post # 4
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

Hmmmm, interesting questions…

1.  Best piece of advice I can give is to have faith and trust in your relationship and SO.  There were so many times where I doubted either “us” or “him” and it caused some strains in our relationship…But most of these doubts were created in my mind as a defense mechanism so try my advice is to be secure and trust your partner…

2.  Unexpected aspect…Did NOT expect to have as many arguments as we do over cleaning and household chores…Make sure you have very very clear expectations over who is responsible for what when you move in together!

3.  My drink of choice is a tie between vodka tonic and sangria!

Post # 5
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

My FI and I have been in an LDR for three years and we very recently (as in a month ago) are finally at the same place. However, in a month we’re going back to a LDR for 1.5 months before we get married. (He’s in the Air Force and things get complicated!)

1) If you could give your ONE best piece of advice for a someone else in a LDR, what would it be? Hands down, it would be communication. When you’re away from somebody for a long period of time you absolutely have to keep talking. Talk via IM, text, phone, write letters, whatever. But the main thing is keep talking. Talking each day helped us build trust and that foundation of friendship.

2) What’s been the most unexpected aspect of your LDR turning into an SDR? Like someone said above, I didn’t think we’d argue as much as we have. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all been very healthy arguements, it’s just different now that we’re actually together. Oh, but I love every single second of it!

3) Favorite mixed drink? (just for funsies!) A blueberry cape cod. Mmmm!

Post # 6
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

1. Don’t take those long phone conversations for granted.

2. Just because we live ten minutes apart doesn’t mean we get to see each other all the time. Sigh. (Unlike some of the other bees, we didn’t go from LDR to living together…one step at a time, haha)

3. His is a gin and tonic. I’m too new to alcohol to have a fave yet. 😛

Post # 7
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010 - Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House

Great advice ladies!  Keep it coming!

Post # 8
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

1) If you could give your ONE best piece of advice for a someone else in a LDR, what would it be?

Make sure you have enough time for your relationship.  Talk through everything and do NOT get jealous.  My FI and I spent a year apart while I was in college, it was tough but knowing we did it lets us know we can get through anything.

2) What’s been the most unexpected aspect of your LDR turning into an SDR?

That although we live in the same house we rarely see each other.  We both are in graduate school and that seriously limits our time.  We’ve learned to enjoy our time together because when I first moved back we were like oh we live together we’ll see each other all the time and we didn’t and that caused some arguments.  You still have to make time for each other.

3) Favorite mixed drink? (just for funsies!)

Me: Whiskey Sour Him: Bud Light or Kamikaze

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

1) I guess I have a few, sorry. Make sure you’re both in it to win it. It won’t work unless you both REALLY REALLY want it to work. Look at yourself, and take a good, long, hard look. Are you emotionally capable? If you don’t think you can handle it, you probably won’t. You have to go into it confident and build each other up. Once one person starts going, “i don’t think i can do this” it’s too easy to let that mentality take over and come between you. I’d say timelines are important, too, but not everybody can have one (like us–ours was up in the air) and sometimes it pays to be flexible. Oh, and make sure you can trust him 100% or the “what ifs” will eat you up like an alligator.

Also, don’t underestimate the power of sending him sexy photos. I never thought I’d do that, but it turns out it’s great for our relationship to have that little bit of desire between us, even if we go 8 months without seeing each other. Even if I just know i’m going to take him a bath and I send him a photo of my feet in the bubbles from my iphone. I’m not talking super risque, just something with implication. He is a man, after all =]

2) Well, it JUST turned SDR, so I’m not really qualified to answer this yet, but, I’m always pleasantly surprised at how content we are to just be in the same room. We don’t have to do the same thing, but just be around is nice. Like last night–he was watching tv and I was plugged into my laptop doing homework. And it was just nice to know he was there. I felt at ease.

3) Favorite drink: Aw man. I have too many. I used to work in a bar so i know my way around a bottle very well. His is a gin and tonic or a crum bubbly–sparkling lemonade+gin (so good in summer. Sounds weird, I know). Me, margaritas or nuts and berries (cream, frangelico, chambord)…I also like all kinds of crazy martinis. Cream de cassis, saketinis, etc….really out there kind of stuff. I love the depth in a complicated, exotic martini.

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hells to the yeah I am =]

We were just talking about this last night and how much I’ve “grown” as a person because of our LDR. He said I don’t throw myself Pity Parties anymore. =]

Post # 12
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

1) This might sound strange but…ENJOY your LDR time.  Dwell on all your blessings that you have right now.  You may never again experience the place where you are or the life situation you are in.  I personally have a huge problem with always wanting what I can’t have and looking forward to a time that it supposed to be better.  I end up missing a lot of what I have right now.  When we were LDR, I wasn’t with him…but I was in my country and with my family.  I was really moody at that time and missed out on some quality time I could have shared with my mother or my friends from home because I was desperate to get back to him.  Now I am with him but I miss my culture and that other life.  I wish I could marry my worlds together too, but I can’t, so I’m working on enjoying the benefits of the place I am in.

2) It’s not unexpected, but I’m so much more stable as a person now that we are together.  Time zones + phone connections + language =ed not being able to talk very well on the phone…literally…we couldn’t communicate.  Somehow, we communicate best when we are touching because if we can’t fully understand each other’s words, we 100% get physical feeling and body language.  So when we were apart, I could never tell his tone/intention/emotion/connotation.  It made me very anxious and worried, but having that physical connection has made me much calmer. And when I’m calm…he is calm too! (@ejs..’at ease’ is a great way to put it!)

3) G&T for me!!  He loves Long Islands…but despite the soju and beer he regularly packs in, his body really can’t handle the alcohol in Long Islands!!

Post # 13
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

1. You need to decide on an end-game, meaning that you know when the LDR will end, and who will be moving. The time I spent apart from my fiance was awful, and the only way I managed to handle it was the knowledge that in [insert number] of months, I’d be moving to be with him.

2. We live together now, and I’m amazed by how easy it is. My cleanliness standards are definitely higher than his, but all I have to do is say “Hey, the state of your desk is bugging me – can you please clean it?” and it gets done. Almost immediately.

3. Mine: Cosmo. His: Bombay Sapphire martini, straight up, no vermouth, two olives. (So basically, a big glass of gin, but it’s cheaper to order it as a martini than a big glass of gin!)

Post # 14
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

@bamm, does your SO get the Asian Flush when he drinks? I totally do and a pepcid AC does the trick =]

Post # 16
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well, I’m 1/4 and I seem to manage to pretty. I really am on the one drink/hour kind of tolerance. I had a martini with a full steak dinner Saturday and was WAY too drunk to drive home–DH laughed at me and was like, “you’re trashed! HOW?!” haha.

Um not sure if the Pepcid helps with the other stuff–it keeps you from getting flushed but I’m not 100% sure why…I only take it for major occassions like my wedding or friend’s weddinmgs or work parties where i know i’ll have a beer or two. It may slow down the body’s take up of alcohol, therefore slowing its effects. I’m not sure…I never seem to be trashed or hungover when I take it though.

I do get headaches the next day if i drink anything but top shelf, though =

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