Post # 1
I’ve been searching google, pinterest, etc. for an idea to include my FI’s 5 year old daughter in a couple pictures that we do during our engagment pictures.
I know it kind of sounds weird but she is a HUGE part of our lives and I really want to include her, I might be marrying her dad but in a way I know I’m “marrying” her too and she’s part of our little family.
Of course I want traditional photos of just me and FI and all the cute poses and such but I’d like to find a unique way to include her in a few of them.
Any bees have suggestions????
Post # 3
Unless her mom is totally out of the picture, I would knock off the talk of “marrying” the soon to be SD. I would leave her out of the pictures, unless you are absolutely certain it wont create drama. The parents got divorced, the mother did NOT put her kid up for up adoption.
Post # 4
@MrsFarm0619: I think it’s a sweet idea. It sounds like she spends most (if not all) her time with you guys? I would think about it more as a family portrait than her in your engagement pictures though.
Post # 5
I didn’t include my children in with my engagement pictures. They were engagement pics. I’d save it for “family” pictures instead. Maybe do something separate with the photographer for that.
And I agree…this may leave a soft spot with the biomom if she is still in the child’s life. I’d be upset if my xDh and his wife did this with my kids.
Post # 6
I think you’d be best off asking her mother if she’s happy with the idea first. Only while it sounds cute, I can see fallout here.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre
@MrsFarm0619: I don’t have an idea with engagement photos, but my friend got married last year and he said separate vows to his wife’s son, promising to take care of him and love him and all that great stuff. it was super cute. another way to make sure the kid feels included…
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I don’t see anything wrong with taking a few family pics of the three of you. I wouldn’t send those out as the engagement pics though and I also would make sure not to make a big deal about them in front of her mom. But becoming her stepmom is big deal and doesn’t have to be ignored just because she already has a mother. You are becoming a bonus parent for her.
Post # 9
In our situation, the childrens’ mother would flip her shit. She would not see it as me trying to make her children feel included; she would see it was me trying to piss on her territory.
We just had our engagement photos and briefly considered having the photographer get a couple of family photos while we had the kids…but we knew she’d be furious.
So, as others have said, I’d tread carefully. I know you have wonderful intentions of wanting to embrace this child…but understand that the mother will most likely not see it that way.
Post # 10
1) Get Mom’s approval
2) I would just do it as a “family” shoot for holiday cards or photos for the house but not an engagement session.
For the family pics I would just have fun with it and make them nice pics like everyone in white shirts with jeans or khakis. Classic, timeless and clean. 🙂
Post # 11
@MrsFarm0619: As a child of divorced parents I think it would be sweet to include your step daughter in a few photos to display in your home.
My Dad married a woman and has a new family including her daughter he legally adopted and now doesn’t have anything to do with me. I know that it is really my Dad’s responsibility for a relationship but I guarantee if my stepmom was mad that he wrote me off he would have a relationship with me. It benefits her greatly to get me out of the picture because my Dad’s love language is gift giving and he would give very, very nice gifts so more for her and hers and less for me. She is a therapist and went as far as to tell him that my not going to college in his state was me rejecting him with all her crazy psycho-babble.
So if I were in the bad situation where me and my kid’s dad were not together I would pray that they would have a step mom that would want them included. Even if in the moment it hurt me feelings a little bit.
Post # 12
@MrsFarm0619: If it will not cause drama….
(and I say that only because I can see this really not turning out well)
But I think it would be cute to have your two kissing in the background, out of focus, and her in the foreground with a sign that says I said yes….
Post # 13
Oh jeez, let’s clear some things up, apparently I wasn’t descriptive enough in my original post.
1. Mom doesn’t care, we are all on good terms, we are respectful, I have her blessing. No drama to be had.
2. She does spend a lot of time with us and her and I have a solid relationship. She might be young, but she understands I am not mommy, won’t take mommy’s place, etc.
3. I AM NOT A COMPLETE GOON, I would not send them out as MY actual engagement pictures! C’mon!
4. Our photographer is doing our engagement pictures and a few singles of just her (because she is just turning 5 for her 5 year pictures) fine, let’s call it family pictures.
@ JessSeny I like your idea, that was what I was looking for, something sweet like that, not for my actual engagement pictures to be sent out but for our household.
I will not “knock off” the way I think. This child is part of our family and with my FI comes her. I’m not going to treat her like baggage or look at the situation that way. Her mother is exremly greatful that I have stepped up to the plate in helping her and FI and knowing that she can trust me with her daughter and knowing that I’m not some evil wicked future step mother! Wouldn’t that be the ideal situation for blended families? Not to have the drama and hard feelings? To be able to trust each other and get along?!?
I guess I should have been a little more descriptive.
Post # 14
@MrsFarm0619: Kudos to you for being civil! Glad you all are on respectful terms. Makes things easier, doesn’t it? I know it does for me.
That being said, go for it. Get a few casual, fun shots with the daugther to hang aroudn the house or for office pics 🙂
Post # 15
I think it’s cute, I’ve seen kids included in those types of pics and I think it’s great. I know if I was a mother, I might be offended if they didn’t include my child haha. Sorry Op, sometimes stepmoms can’t win for losing! But I think your idea is great.
Post # 16
@MrsFarm0619: I love your response. I seriously cannot believe that anyone would tell you to “knock off” thinking about your future step daughter as being part of your family. Seriously what are you suppose to do, shove her under the stairs? Only let her out to sew your clothes & sweep the floors?
Is there a park around your house with a playground? Some nice bright colorful shots could be cute.