Calling all future step mommys! Got an engagement pic question

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Unless her mom is totally out of the picture, I would knock off the talk of “marrying” the soon to be SD.  I would leave her out of the pictures, unless you are absolutely certain it wont create drama.  The  parents got divorced, the mother did NOT put her kid up for up adoption.

Post # 4
Hostess
9910 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsFarm0619:  I think it’s a sweet idea.  It sounds like she spends most (if not all) her time with you guys?  I would think about it more as a family portrait than her in  your engagement pictures though.

Post # 5
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

I didn’t include my children in with my engagement pictures. They were engagement pics. I’d save it for “family” pictures instead. Maybe do something separate with the photographer for that. 

And I agree…this may leave a soft spot with the biomom if she is still in the child’s life. I’d be upset if my xDh and his wife did this with my kids.

 

Post # 6
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think you’d be best off asking her mother if she’s happy with the idea first. Only while it sounds cute, I can see fallout here.

Post # 7
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre

@MrsFarm0619:  I don’t have an idea with engagement photos, but my friend got married last year and he said separate vows to his wife’s son, promising to take care of him and love him and all that great stuff. it was super cute. another way to make sure the kid feels included…

Post # 8
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I don’t see anything wrong with taking a few family pics of the three of you.  I wouldn’t send those out as the engagement pics though and I also would make sure not to make a big deal about them in front of her mom.  But becoming her stepmom is big deal and doesn’t have to be ignored just because she already has a mother.  You are becoming a bonus parent for her.

Post # 9
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

In our situation, the childrens’ mother would flip her shit. She would not see it as me trying to make her children feel included; she would see it was me trying to piss on her territory.

We just had our engagement photos and briefly considered having the photographer get a couple of family photos while we had the kids…but we knew she’d be furious.

So, as others have said, I’d tread carefully. I know you have wonderful intentions of wanting to embrace this child…but understand that the mother will most likely not see it that way.

Post # 10
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

1) Get Mom’s approval

2) I would just do it as a “family” shoot for holiday cards or photos for the house but not an engagement session.

For the family pics I would just have fun with it and make them nice pics like everyone in white shirts with jeans or khakis.  Classic, timeless and clean. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsFarm0619:  As a child of divorced parents I think it would be sweet to include your step daughter in a few photos to display in your home.

My Dad married a woman and has a new family including her daughter he legally adopted and now doesn’t have anything to do with me.  I know that it is really my Dad’s responsibility for a relationship but I guarantee if my stepmom was mad that he wrote me off he would have a relationship with me.  It benefits her greatly to get me out of the picture because my Dad’s love language is gift giving and he would give very, very nice gifts so more for her and hers and less for me.  She is a therapist and went as far as to tell him that my not going to college in his state was me rejecting him with all her crazy psycho-babble.

 

So if I were in the bad situation where me and my kid’s dad were not together I would pray that they would have a step mom that would want them included.  Even if in the moment it hurt me feelings a little bit.

Post # 12
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MrsFarm0619:  If it will not cause drama….

(and I say that only because I can see this really not turning out well)

But I think it would be cute to have your two kissing in the background, out of focus, and her in the foreground with a sign that says I said yes….

Post # 14
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

@MrsFarm0619:  Kudos to you for being civil!  Glad you all are on respectful terms. Makes things easier, doesn’t it? I know it does for me. 

That being said, go for it. Get a few casual, fun shots with the daugther to hang aroudn the house or for office pics 🙂

 

Post # 15
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

I think it’s cute, I’ve seen kids included in those types of pics and I think it’s great. I know if I was a mother, I might be offended if they didn’t include my child haha. Sorry Op, sometimes stepmoms can’t win for losing! But I think your idea is great.

Post # 16
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

 @MrsFarm0619:  Laughing  I love your response. I seriously cannot believe that anyone would tell you to “knock off” thinking about your future step daughter as being part of your family. Seriously what are you suppose to do, shove her under the stairs? Only let her out to sew your clothes & sweep the floors?

 

Is there a park around your house with a playground? Some nice bright colorful shots could be cute.

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