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We've been there from the Army side of things. DH put his 4 years in and he got home in November. He has a 15 month tour of southern Iraq under his belt
Wow ejs, I really respect the wives that have to deal with their husbands having to go to Iraq and Afghanistan. In the 3 years that we've been together my husband has gone on 3 cruises. It's rough being without him for those 6 to 7 month cruises, but it's comforting to me knowing that he works in an office on the boat (he's an intel specialist)
Right now we're stationed in Central California, but we're up for new orders next month. We've applied to Hawaii, DC, and Florida. We're just waiting to hear back!
I'm not sure how it works for other branches, but my husband does 3 years of sea duty and 3 years of shore duty (no long deployments for 3yrs) That starts whenever we get to our new station and I'm beyond excited to be able to spend 3 consecutive years with him!!
We've been utilizing the Military board as a general NWR Military board. It's not very active--there aren't that many military members floating around.
Deployment wasn't so bad. I was in college and really busy! Plus we have the internet nowadays =]
I'm looking at our first deployment (Army) coming up probably in 2011. For now I am generally okay with it (slow process of coming to terms) but I know there is no way to prepare for the day when I find out it's coming for sure, and the day when he actually leaves. I'm just glad I have plenty of (online) role models and acquaintances who have been through it, and I'll have family and friends supporting me as well!
K610- It was rough for me at first, but eventually you just get used to it somehow. I learned to keep myself very busy with work, school and friends. I had at least one big event planned every month that I could focus on and look forward to. Since I spent so much time focusing on those things then it helped me to not think about the fact the hubby wouldn't be home for 6 more months. Time flew by.
I of course missed him a ton but he emailed me everyday and called me as often as he could. I think it strengthened our relationship because now that he's home for 3 years we truly appreciate every moment we have together!
This will be the first year since 2007 that he will be home for his birthday :)
Feel free to use the military board for any military related topic! People do the same thing in all the other culture/faith boards. Maybe we can get some more military representing here on the 'bee!
A military board would be cool...except right now I'm having a "I'm going to strangle someone" moment thanks to the military. Sigh...I was soooo close to being able to see the DH in a few weeks and they changed the dates of his 4 day weekend yet again. So, $800 later in airline tickets, a very grumpy wife, and totally bummed mood...Here I am again. Normally I'm not such a baby, but I haven't seen him since a week after the wedding, which is coming up on the 3 month mark. Uggg...I wish I could go cry a river, but I'm at work and I don't think the guys in the office would appreciate the waterworks.
But...it would be nice to have some gals to chat with that understand the frustrations ( and perks lol) of the military.
Yes! A NWR military board would be great. As a soon-to-be military wife I feel completely unprepared/uninformed about military processes/procedures/etc. The FI tries to be as helpful as he can but there are just somethings he doesn't know the answer to. In addition we are preparing for his second deployment (due to stop loss... thanks US Army!) 6 months after our wedding. :(
@ Miss Riley. Has he officially been informed that he's being stop lossed? That was supposed to have ended in Jan 2010 for active duty military. I'm facing the same situation w/ my DH, so I would appreciate all the info you have!
@MightySapphire- I'm hoping so!
@JsDragonfly- I have PLENTY of moments where I wish I could strange the military :) I can't even count how many times they've done something similar to what they did to you to us. One time he was on the boat and I flew down to see him because they had the weekend off... well I get there and they decided to change their minds and he was only allowed off of the boat for 2hrs. I spent the weekend alone :(
@MissRiley- I feel the same way! Hopefully we can all answer eachothers questions.
Yeah, there have been numerous strangle moments. lol I'm learning the ropes though. I think the most annoying thing is never having any answers. Like, right now....DH is supposed to be getting out of the army in Oct., at the same exact time his unit is deploying. Well, through extenesive google searches, I have found recent articles on the Army's website saying that no more soldiers will be stop lossed after June 2010 and all soldiers that have been stop lossed will be back by March 2011...and then there's the possibility of early separation if your unit is deploying but you are ETSing. I would just like to know, ya know? lol Having an answer would make it much easier to prepare yourself!
Well our situation is still up in the air. Right now his unit is scheduled to deploy early next year and his contract is supposed to be over about 8 months into the 12 month deployment. BUT things always change with the military. I have found nothing is set in stone and now matter how final a decision seems to be EVERYTHING can be modified. I know that is no help... we just try to stay as flexible as possible.
My fiance is currently deployed in Afghanistan. I didn't have a problem with him leaving until the actual day of. I knew saying goodbye would be difficult, but I really had no clue it would be that bad- I'm usually not an emotional kind of person. This deployment has turned me into a wreck! He's been gone since September and will be back September/October time. People told me that it would get easier as time passes, I have not found this to be this case. I think it's a good way to test your relationship tho. The people who lived next to us, her fiance deployed with mine and they just broke up in February and another couple who he also deployed with who were engaged have also called it quits. It's a lot more difficult than one would think. It's crazy! We're meeting in Europe for his two weeks in June/July. I can't wait to see him! At least wedding planning is keeping me somewhat occupied.
i agree. FI is in OSUT right now and ive made it over to the military board a few times, its just not very active. i think it would be great :)
@JsDragonfly- that's so frustrating! I totally agree with you. It's so hard to ever get a straight answer :( I hope things work out and he doesn't have to go on the deployment! That would be awesome :)
@MissRiley- We've also learned to never make ANY plans set in stone. Every time we have something has come up and we've had to cancel :( I know you're somewhat used to it, but it's still so frustrating when it happens! I hope that he gets to come home at the 8 month mark.. or maybe they wont make him go at all... That would be even better! :)
@ashroehrs- I'm sorry girl :( deployments are always rough no matter what anyone says. The best thing you can do is keep yourself occupied, which it sounds like you're already doing with wedding planning! I agree that it is really a test on your relationship. It makes me appreciate the time i get to spend with my husband. You're halfway through the deployment! Yay! If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me :)
@Mrs Menard to Be- Sorry, what is OSUT? I hope we can all make the military board more active! That would be amazing!
oops! ive gotten so used to saying it that i forget that not everyone knows what the heck im talking about. basically, its a combined basic training & ait that lasts 14 weeks. he's infantry & idk if only they have OSUT. but thats basically it (:
@Mrs. Menard to Be- that's ok! I think we're different branches of military :) I'm still trying to get used to all of the Navy lingo. OSUT sounds like the equivalent of A school for the Navy. I could be totally wrong though! How much longer does he have?
@ Miss Riley...like you said, nothing is set in stone...but, there is good news, beings they are doing away with stop loss (if they actually do what they say they are going to), then your FI will be back early from the deployment. I know it will still be hard and stressful, but atleast he'll be home early. If he ETS's 8 months into the deployment, he'll probably come home around 6 months into the deployment so he can start out processing.
@Ashroehrs...I'm with Bella13, if you ever need anyone to talk to, you can definitely PM me as well. I sometimes look back at my DH's deployment and don't know how I made it through. While he was deployed, I would literally sleep with my laptop on and logged into yahoo IM. I set it to the most obnoxious and loudest ring I could so if he logged on in the middle of the night, it would wake me up and I could talk to him. lol Some might find that a little obsessive, but to me, there was nothing worse than missing a call or seeing an offline message that I could have responded too. But, the good news is, deployments don't last forever and before you know it, he'll be back home!!! My DH changed so much (for the better) while on deployment. And it really set the tone for our relationship. My SIL once said there was no way she could do what we have done (basically, been LDR for 2 years now), but when you can make it through a deployment, suddenly minor arguments or even big arguments don't seem that bad. Even though the deployments are very hard, there are many blessings that come out of them!
@JsDragonfly- I would do the same thing with my phone! I agree it's the worst feeling ever if you miss a phone call and there is no way to call back :(
Im a military SO too. FI is in the air force. I haven't been through a deployment yet as FI has been in EOD training since August. He is pcsing for the first time in may after he finally graduates.
@Bella13 and JsDragonfly I would do the same with my phone and skype. I hated that feeling of just missing him and would literally sob everytime it happened.
Has anyone else become super clingy since their SO's return? I feel the need to be with him every second and try to make every moment count because I always feel we are on borrowed time and he's going to get yanked away again any moment. This leads to a lot of fights between us because he is always trying to be social so I meet more people out here. I know there is a happy medium in there somewhere but I still can't help but want to have him all to myself.
To all those who have been through deployments...what was the communication situation like? Were you able to talk to your SOs fairly regularly, or was it pretty random and few and far in between?
Did you use different forms of communication - letters, skype, emails, phone, IMs?
My SO has a support position where he will probably be on base most of the time...does that mean we will be able to communicate on a regular basis? Do people in support positions also get sent out on missions as well? This is going to be our first deployment and I have no idea what it's going to be like. Sometimes I feel really confident, strong, and I feel like a year is something we can handle, but other times I don't even know how we're supposed to survive even 1 day.
@Etre, honestly the communication situaton depends on where and to what base your SO will be deployed? I used to help deploy people to both Afghanistan and Iraq and to a variety of bases so I might be able to offer a little insight depending upon where he is specifically going. (Feel free to PM me)
In my case, my fiance was stationed at a bigger (but not the biggest) base in Baghdad. The internet access at his base was OK but we had a lot of difficulties with Skype. It was very hard for him to get into an MWR to make phone calls because of where they were located on the base and how long the lines were. We tried a haji phone for a while but that was pricey and almost more trouble than it was worth. He also ran many missions throughout the city of Baghdad (to all the different FOBs and KOBs) and that proved to be the most reliable way for us to talk. They were small bases which meant they had shorter lines in the MWR and he was usually there during off hours. I would say on average we talked by email 3 times a week and talked on the phone 1-2 times per week.
@bella13 - FI is army. oh im definitely confused with it all too! but there are a few things that ive learned so far! :) he has 12 1/2 weeks until graduation and 7 1/2 weeks until he gets a pass and i can see him :) i cant wait!!
@bella- me too with the phone thing! I'm not a military SO anymore but I was with a guy for 5 years who was in the military and it was actually what broke us up. I am not as strong as you women! I lived through 1 deployment and that was too much. When he was gone I would always ALWAYS have my cell in my hand. Even when I was out riding my bike I kept my phone in my sports bra (gross! lol) so I could hear it ring.
This is so encouraging to read...My beloved is in the AF and is currently in Afghanistan. He'll be there until mid-June. We're excited that we're past the half-way point, but I am also crushed that there are still roughly 85-ish days left. :(The worry about his safety is the worst thing, then being so alone (not completely alone, I have children from a previous marriage), but being alone at night when the kiddos are in bed, not able to relax enough to watch tv, etc. Missing him is pretty rough, but he is MORE than worth it. I can't wait to see him again!
We talk whenever we can (he calls several times a week), we gmail chat (better than Skype), or hotmail chat when we can. We're having fun planning the wedding, even all of these miles apart. :)
@Etre, Miss Riley hit it on the spot with the communication issues. It all depends on where he's deployed and what kind of base he's at, if he's even at a base. Technically, my DH was in Camp Taji, which if I'm remembering correctly, is north of Baghdad. However, his unit was always out at a very remote JSS, and when he was there, communication was sparse. Sometimes it would be up to 2 weeks between phone calls/emails. At that point, I hadn't gotten into the FRG loop, so I had no idea when the next time I would hear from him would be. If he's in a support system and on base, you'll probably be able to hear form him more often. I know Afghanistan isn't as "built up" as Iraq, in the terms that the troops haven't quite modernized it as much for communication. Once his unit gets there and have been there awhile, I'm sure the communication will drastically improve!
@ Miss Riley, when DH got back from Iraq, I was SUPER clingy (well, as most as I could be. He was in Hawaii and me in Colorado). When he was on leave, I would barely leave his side. After he changed duty stations to Louisiana, I kind of relaxed for awhile, but once we got married, the clingy mode went back into full force. LOL I think now for me, I feel like we're "newlyweds" and missing out on the best part of the newlywed stage because of the distance between us. So, when I get the chance, I want to be on the phone...all the time...lol The whole clingy thing is a totally foreign concept for me. I was super Miss Independent "don't need a guy" before I met my DH and I haven't been the same since. lol
@Mommy...You're at the 85 day mark!!!! It's getting closer. I had a calendar at my desk that I would mark down a day when I got to work each morning. Towards the end, even my co-workers knew how many days it was until he got back. LOL One of my friends asked me if my wedding day was the happiest day of my life. And while it was a WONDERFUL day, the happiest day of my life was the day I got the call from DH when he was officially on American soil again. The relief I felt was amazing, knowing that he was home safe and sound. I can't wait for your FI to get back so you can have that!!! It's going to come so soon :)
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http://ideas.weddingbee.com/topic/can-we-have-a-nwr-military-boardWhat do you think of this idea? If you like it please vote!
My husband is in the Navy and he and I are in the process of choosing orders. It's a stressful process and I wish there was someone I could talk to about it that's maybe gone through it before.
I'm sure there are many other aspects of military life we could all discuss.