Post # 1
Within the next month or so I will begin planning my wedding. I have always known that my parents would be paying for it, but the idea of actually planning a wedding only became a reality in the last half year or so. How do I politely and non-awkwardly bring up the budget with my parents and ask them what they have set aside? I honestly have no idea how much they have for it, and I will be grateful for every penny, but I obviously have to find out what I am working with before we start planning. Please let me know how you brought this up with your parents if they paid for your wedding!
Post # 4
I was in the same situation. My parents are really “we’re not gonna hand you something for sitting on your butt” people, so what I did was set up a basic budget first. Called some venues and such in town and got estimates. Then my fiance and I just straight up asked them, but we approached it more as we would like to set up a budget for ourselves in order to save for whatever we will need to put into the wedding.
Post # 5
@cbj9: I had to have this conversation with my parents, too. I tried to be gracious and as straightforward as possible. My parents and I are pretty close, so it’s wasn’t a big deal for me to say something like “hey, this wedding planning is finally becoming a reality, and before I start looking at vendors and getting quotes, I was hoping to discuss the budget with you so I can keep it in mind when doing my research.” Would something like that work?
Post # 6
We never discussed a buget. I just tried to find good deals on everything and they just paid for it.
Post # 7
My parents are paying for ours and told us that not long after we got engaged … but I could never get them to settle on a budget. I tried two or three times and then gave up. Instead, everything’s been decided on a case-by-case basis… with some things it seems to come down to whether dad thinks it’s worth it… but then with other things he’s like “forget the cost!”. We’re incredibly appreciative but will admit it’s been mildly infuriating at times! But hey, dad and I are a lot closer from the experience which has been lovely.
Post # 8
@cbj9: We presented a few different, detailed budgets, ranging from “the wedding we can pay for ourselves” to something on the luxurious end. We sat down with them and talked about the various elements and what things we all wanted (and what wasn’t important), and then my parents came back to us with a number based on the budgets.
His parents just matched what my parents said they’d contribute.
I think it’s definitely better to price out a whole wedding, and try to get a nice budget option in there so it’s obvious that you can still have a great time, even if the amount they have to give is on the smaller end.
Post # 9
@goingtotherooftopoflove: My dad was the same way! It was irritating not to have the final number and instead have to run everything by him. He would give me grief about things like expensive photography packages, but then suggest $10/person favors! I could never figure him out!
Post # 10
@leahthehun: I’m somewhat close with mine too so once the conversation is started I don’t think it will be a big deal, but they have always been very generous with me financially so I just feel bad bringing it up because I know it will be a big chunk of change (…which they did set up for this purpose, but anyways). I think saying something like what you said would work. Did you involve them in the planning considering they were paying for it?
goingtotherooftopoflove: This would drive me crazy too! I am hoping they can set out a specific budget to make planning a bit easier.
jdhall89: This sounds like a good amount of work and research. Did you plan everything out for various budgets before you were given a budget?
MrsBeck: Believe it or not we are actually not engaged yet (but is imminent, like in the next couple weeks. Probably going to happen on vacation in the beginning of March). They never specifically said “we are paying” but whenever there is discussion about it they talk about how they’re going to be the ones funding it.
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2014 - local park
after we got engaged, my mom said “I set aside 5000 for your wedding. anything you spend over that is on you” and there it was 🙂
Post # 12
@cbj9: How do you know they are paying? Have you spoken about it before?
How long have you been engaged? If it has been for quite awhile than I would just bring up that you have started looking at venues and need to start thinking about a budget so that you can narrow down your choices. If you just recently got engaged I would give them a little of time to bring it up first.
Post # 13
@cbj9: My FI and I started planning a wedding with a budget in mind that if we had to we would be comfortable paying for ourselves. We then told both of our parents what we were thinking and they told us the amount of money they would contributing. Luckily for us they gave us 50% more than what we wanted to spend on the wedding so it worked out perfectly.
Post # 14
@cbj9: Oh my gosh, yes. They pretty much involved themselves, which was fine. While I’m 100% thankful that they were able to supply the budget for our wedding, it was a little irritating to hear quips from dad insinuating that since he’s paying for it he gets the final say. Thankfully there wasn’t really anything that we disagreed about so much that it turned into an argument; overall it went pretty smoothly. They let me basically plan the whole thing, but they did want to be kept updated on things I was doing and definitely gave their two cents.
They came with me to all the venues we saw, but when it came to flowers, photography, cake, DJ, and officiant, they had no involvement (besides letting me know what they thought was an acceptable price for each vendor). I just made sure that after each meeting or decision I would send them a quick email letting them know what’s going on. We also had a shared google doc with all the details so they could see exactly what was happening and what cost what, etc.
Post # 15
To most people it probably sounds horribly ungrateful to be frustrated by a lack of a firm budget, but I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees how difficult it can make things! It was even worse at first because initially I was just talking to mum and assuming things had got through to Dad… I was wrong! So I finally started either emailing both of them or just emailing dad for some stuff and it’s not only made the planning smoother but helped build lines of communicaiton between us (living in different countries and honestly, 99% of my communication just used to be with mum, which I’m now feeling a degree of regret about). Fortunately we’re only three weeks away now and everything’s pretty much done! And because of it all I’ve bonded more with dad and am feeling happier about him walking down the aisle and our father daughter dance (I was feeling horribly guilty about my lack of emotion about that)
Post # 16
@cbj9: We decided we were going to pay for the entire wedding ourselves. I picked everything and did it on a budget. Through this process and planning, my parents requested to help pay. I will let them help with a few things, the venue, caterer, security and alcohol. These are the things that cannot start an argument. ie dress, cake, centerpieces, invitations can. My parents have been hinting for me to keep all of my receipts. I think they are just going to pay me back after it is all over! LOL. Keep it simple and make sure you could afford it yourself, just in case….