Calling bees whose parents paid for the wedding

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

 

 

Post # 4
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I was in the same situation. My parents are really “we’re not gonna hand you something for sitting on your butt” people, so what I did was set up a basic budget first. Called some venues and such in town and got estimates. Then my fiance and I just straight up asked them, but we approached it more as we would like to set up a budget for ourselves in order to save for whatever we will need to put into the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@cbj9:  I had to have this conversation with my parents, too. I tried to be gracious and as straightforward as possible. My parents and I are pretty close, so it’s wasn’t a big deal for me to say something like “hey, this wedding planning is finally becoming a reality, and before I start looking at vendors and getting quotes, I was hoping to discuss the budget with you so I can keep it in mind when doing my research.” Would something like that work?

 

Post # 6
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We never discussed a buget. I just tried to find good deals on everything and they just paid for it. 

Post # 7
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My parents are paying for ours and told us that not long after we got engaged … but I could never get them to settle on a budget.  I tried two or three times and then gave up.  Instead, everything’s been decided on a case-by-case basis… with some things it seems to come down to whether dad thinks it’s worth it… but then with other things he’s like “forget the cost!”.  We’re incredibly appreciative but will admit it’s been mildly infuriating at times!  But hey, dad and I are a lot closer from the experience which has been lovely.

Post # 8
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@cbj9:  We presented a few different, detailed budgets, ranging from “the wedding we can pay for ourselves” to something on the luxurious end.  We sat down with them and talked about the various elements and what things we all wanted (and what wasn’t important), and then my parents came back to us with a number based on the budgets.

His parents just matched what my parents said they’d contribute.

I think it’s definitely better to price out a whole wedding, and try to get a nice budget option in there so it’s obvious that you can still have a great time, even if the amount they have to give is on the smaller end.

 

Post # 9
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@goingtotherooftopoflove:  My dad was the same way! It was irritating not to have the final number and instead have to run everything by him. He would give me grief about things like expensive photography packages, but then suggest $10/person favors! I could never figure him out!

Post # 11
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - local park

after we got engaged, my mom said “I set aside 5000 for your wedding.  anything you spend over that is on you” and there it was 🙂

Post # 12
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@cbj9:  How do you know they are paying? Have you spoken about it before?

How long have you been engaged? If it has been for quite awhile than I would just bring up that you have started looking at venues and need to start thinking about a budget so that you can narrow down your choices. If you just recently got engaged I would give them a little of time to bring it up first.

Post # 13
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@cbj9:  My FI and I started planning a wedding with a budget in mind that if we had to we would be comfortable paying for ourselves. We then told both of our parents what we were thinking and they told us the amount of money they would contributing. Luckily for us they gave us 50% more than what we wanted to spend on the wedding so it worked out perfectly.

Post # 14
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@cbj9:  Oh my gosh, yes. They pretty much involved themselves, which was fine. While I’m 100% thankful that they were able to supply the budget for our wedding, it was a little irritating to hear quips from dad insinuating that since he’s paying for it he gets the final say. Thankfully there wasn’t really anything that we disagreed about so much that it turned into an argument; overall it went pretty smoothly. They let me basically plan the whole thing, but they did want to be kept updated on things I was doing and definitely gave their two cents.

They came with me to all the venues we saw, but when it came to flowers, photography, cake, DJ, and officiant, they had no involvement (besides letting me know what they thought was an acceptable price for each vendor). I just made sure that after each meeting or decision I would send them a quick email letting them know what’s going on. We also had a shared google doc with all the details so they could see exactly what was happening and what cost what, etc.

Post # 15
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@cbj9:  

@leahthehun:  

To most people it probably sounds horribly ungrateful to be frustrated by a lack of a firm budget, but I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees how difficult it can make things!  It was even worse at first because initially I was just talking to mum and assuming things had got through to Dad… I was wrong!  So I finally started either emailing both of them or just emailing dad for some stuff and it’s not only made the planning smoother but helped build lines of communicaiton between us (living in different countries and honestly, 99% of my communication just used to be with mum, which I’m now feeling a degree of regret about). Fortunately we’re only three weeks away now and everything’s pretty much done!  And because of it all I’ve bonded more with dad and am feeling happier about him walking down the aisle and our father daughter dance (I was feeling horribly guilty about my lack of emotion about that)

Post # 16
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@cbj9:  We decided we were going to pay for the entire wedding ourselves. I picked everything and did it on a budget. Through this process and planning, my parents requested to help pay. I will let them help with a few things, the venue, caterer, security and alcohol. These are the things that cannot start an argument. ie dress, cake, centerpieces, invitations can. My parents have been hinting for me to keep all of my receipts. I think they are just going to pay me back after it is all over! LOL. Keep it simple and make sure you could afford it yourself, just in case….

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