Post # 1
My FI’s SIL just emailed me a picture of her and FI’s sister. She said how great it will be that I’m going to be joining them as a ‘sister’.
I think it was a very sweet gesture, but I don’t think of her as a FSIL. My FI’s sister, yes. But my FI’s brother’s wife? Not so much.
I know it’s sweet that she’s excited for me to be family – and it’s not that I don’t want to receive that well, I guess I’m just wondering if my feelings of not thinking of her as ‘sister’ is off base from the norm.
Post # 3
Is she a FSIL? I mean, she’s your BIL’s wife….i always thought the sibling-in-laws referred to your FI’s immediate family, not their spouses, too.
I don’t think your feelings are off the norm at all! I refer to my SIL’s husband as my husband’s BIL. He’s not “my” or “our” BIL. Technicalities I guess, whatev.
Post # 4
Mr Moo’s cousin calls me her “favourite new cousin”. But to me she’ll always be D– the daughter of Mr Moo’s aunt.
It’s a matter of personal opinion. But I don’t think it’s a weird reaction to be unnerved (in a way) by it. You have your own family that you’ve had all your life and you’re suddenly gaining a new family through your FI – it’s always going to be weird.
Post # 5
I don’t think being married to your fiance’s brother does not make her your sister in law. By that logic, it would mean her marrying into the family she became her husband’s sister. Ew.
It’s nice of her to reach out to you like that but…ya, I wouldn’t really go for it either. I am not even going to go for calling my new in laws “Mom” or “Sister”….I will still call my FMIL by her first name, and will never really think of my SIL’s as sisters.
The more I think about who ‘technically’ becomes an in law, the more confused I am becoming….
Post # 6
I wouldn’t exactly refer to her as sister, no, but the bond could be great… and if it’s in like an email or text and is in quotation marks maybe it is just to be a play on the word, ya know?
Post # 7
I call my family people only extending one step beyond marriage. So my husband’s blood relatives are all my family now, but the people that they married in turn are not my “family” such that I would call them brother, sister, or uncle, aunt, etc. I would be apt to refer to them as “my sister-in-law and her husband.” However, we are in some categories together—we are all considered grandchildren together, and I would now think of my sister-in-law’s husband as one of the grandkids. So from certain viewpoints this girl is one of the sisters, and from others, no. I think it’s sweet. But yeah, it’s weird suddenly acquiring these new relations.
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2010 - Victorian Gardens of Two Sisters
Well, hm. It’s a sweet gesture that she’s excited for you to be part of “the family.” I think that if she’s someone you’re going to be sharing holidays and special events with, then she is part of the family, even if she’s not technically your SIL.
I think everyone’s different in how they receive new people into their families. I was 13 when my aunt remarried. My sisters all called her new husband “Uncle Gary,” I still call him by only his first name.
Luckily, your FBIL’s wife won’t have an official title. You won’t have to be torn about what to call her to her face… just her name’s fine : )
You can forgo all the awkwardness and reply with something like, “Thanks, I’m looking forward to being part of the family too!”
Post # 9
meh…i think its a nice gesture, but im with you. im not big on the whole ‘we are all family’ thing now that we are married. my family raised me. these inlaws are just that, inlaws. i am really not a fan of my SIL. we’ve met twice (once at our wedding) and she has her kid calling me aunt. ummmm…no thanks. it makes me uncomfortable, but i appreciate the gesture of inclusion. doesnt mean im going to start calling her sister or calling him my nephew. sorry.
Post # 10
technicality. i do think your SIL is a nice girl!
Post # 11
It’s nice that she’s excited, but yeah, I wouldn’t consider her a “sister.” I agree with PP, just say you’re excited for her to be part of the family too. No harm in that.
@FutureMrsMorgan: Agree! My inlaws wanted me to call them Mom and Dad. I was like, nope I already have parents! And I call his aunts and uncles and such by their first names. Also, my BIL is getting married to someone with a teenage son…I would be SO weirded out if he called me “aunt”! haha
Post # 12
Keep in mind she won’t even be my SIL, once we are married. She’d be my BIL’s wife.
In any case, thank you!! I thought I was going crazy by feeling ‘un-sisterly’ toward her.
I will be “Aunty” to her kids, so perhaps that’s why she feels the need to call me “Sister”.
Good times. But, I’ll take this ‘happy’ issue over what it COULD be like, any day!