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When I first was told this I was taken aback. I felt like I was put in such a weird position. I'm extremely close to my mom and in a sense it felt like verbal betrayal. I know my mom would definitely see it as such, so I couldn't do this in front of my mother. No way! I'd get excommunicated!
I've gotten a little more adjusted to the idea though. The wedding has really made my relationship with FMIL closer, so I may actually do it. As of right now, I'm still on the fence.
Yeah Im not sure how my mom would take it, esp calling her mom infront of my mom at the bridal shower...but I also dont want to offend my FMIL since she told me I can call her mom. But then what do I do when I say mom and they both look at me!!! I think my mom is glad that she is nice and we get along great...but she didnt have great experience with my sisters ex MIL! But I told her this time will be much better!
My FSIL and FBIL have been married about six years now...I had hoped she'd have already sorted this out for me. I was just going to call them whatever she called them but I realized she doesn't call FMIL or FFIL anything...so that wasn't so helpful. I couldn't call them Mom and Dad though because...well, they're not my Mom and Dad and my parents would freak the hell right out.
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It works out for me because I grew up calling my mom "mama" so it wouldn't feel that weird to call my FMIL "mom." I will ask my mom how she feels about it before doing it though.
Yeah. I've thought about this - and honestly I just don't think I'll ever be comfortable calling her "mom" and DH doesn't really care that I don't. I'll probably just call his parents by their names and same with him for mine. But this might be, for me, my mom and I have such an unusual relationship in the fact that growing up we've always been able to tell each other to shut up and call each other names and I'll text her to tell her I'm at her favorite restaurant and she texts me back, "i hate you" (knowing full well, obviously, that she doesn't) - it's just how my mom and I talk. we just have the kind of relationship where it might <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic">look like i'm being disrespectful, but I know where the line is and it's just how she and I are...
So because of that type of relationship that I have with my own - I honestly don't think I <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic">can call his mom "mom"...
His (step)brother and his wife live like 20 minutes from his parents (we live a good 2 hours) and they see them every single day. I know that my brother-in-law's wife calls her "mom" but again they see her every day...however she calls his dad by his first name - of course though - my husband's dad is actually my husband's brother's step-father, their mother is husband's real mother (making my husband his mom's step son...) and I think that's <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic">another reason I couldn't call her mom.
Hope that didn't confuse too much! lol
As far as you calling your own FMIL "mom" - talk to your mom about it and see how she feels, if you think it might be an issue.
@ June I see what your saying about how your mom and you talk to each other...thats why Im nervous about our moms meeting because thats how my mom and I act sometimes...I would say exactly like that but I know what you mean! My FMIL is the "old school" motherly type but she is still warm and nice to anyone she meets! Thanks everyone I love hearing what everyone else calls their FMIL or MIL!
PS...I really thought there were more women who called their FMIL or MIL's "MOM"! MORE comments girls...let me know if you do call her mom!
Well, she isn't my mom and i think it would be a huge slap in the face to my own mother. you kinow, the woman that birthed me and took care of me before she was EVER in the picture! Taht being said, i call my mom "mom" and a nick name I won't share b/c it's embarassing!! haha. I call my FI's mom by her first name. If it works for you, kudos though. I would be upset if it were my kid. It's like my FI referring to a close friend as HIS fi. But I'M his FI! Right? eh, you know what I mean.
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I know you expected more girls to say "I call her mom" but I also don't and do not plan to call her mom
I know some people who do that.....but I don't like it
I have a mom and then I have a "Jane"
It works well for us
Sorry you were asked to call her that and now feel torn about what to do. Trust your gut and just do what feels right for YOU
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I still call my FMIL and FFIL Mr. and Mrs G.. !! But they have made it clear that after the wedding they want me to call them Mom and Dad, and my parents feel the same way. It is very traditional in both our families, and both sets of parents don't like when Children-in-Law's call their parent-in-law's by their first names. At this point FMIL and FFIL call themselves their first names to me in emails/cards, etc, but I don't know what to do so I've stuck with Mr and Mrs. My FBIL calls FH's parents by their first names but since I am Greek (as are they) and FBIL is not, I guess that's why? And they don't like it. So, I will definitely be doing the Mom and Dad for them but I'm secretly really scared/nervous about it! It just seems so WEIRD! FH actually calls his mom Mum (which I think is weird/awkward) so maybe I'll call her Mum too, so it doesn't feel like such a violation? Dad somehow seems easier, I'm not sure why. AHH! Stressful!! I'll probably be one of those people doing the extended, two syllable "Hiii-iiiii" instead of "Hi _____" because I feel so awkward saying Mom/Dad to them!!
I have a great relationship with my FMIL and I know she loves me, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to call her mom (or, as my FI and his brother call her, Ma). I just call her by her first name, as does FBIL's wife, which seems to be fine with her. I'm not sure that my FI is even comfortable calling my parents by their first names yet, even though I know they want him to.
I've always heard my mother call my dad's mother "mom" very comfortably. My mom's mom passed away 15 years ago, but I'm pretty sure she called my dad's mom "mom" even before then. My parents have been together since age 17 and married since 19 (it'll be 36 years this year), and both of my mom's parents have passed away, so I'm sure she's very comfortable with them and feels as if they are a second set of parents to her.
I could never. I just feel it is a huge slap in the face to my mom and well she isn't my mom so why would I ever call her that. My mom and I have even spoken about it and she said it would upset her. My mom also said her sister in laws's number one advice to her when she got married was establish what you call her early on and dont use mom or a variation. (My aunt was jealous my mom got to call my nanny Joan and she was stuck calling her mother for 30 years)
I just asked my FILs what they wanted me to call them. I got off easy in the sense my FI and his whole family actually call his mom by a pet name. So, that's what I call her and I call FFIL Bill. My friend, who is married, still call hers in laws Mr and Mrs, which I find very odd. I think its a personal preference and has a lot to do with the age of your ILs. When I asked how FMIL how she wanted to be addressed when we were still dating she mentioned her daughter in law called her nothing but she could call her mom, so I know she wouldn't mind. I'm just not comfortable with it.
no way no how will i ever call my FMIL mom. she is an amazing lady, very kind and sweet - but she is not and will never be my mom. and that covers all forms of mom. my mom is my mama, mommy and mom (plus some nicknames). the same goes for for my pa, daddy, dad.
i am extremely close with my family - and there is no way i could use those terms of endearment with anybody else, as my sister and brother are my only sister and brother.
the good news is, my FI's parents don't expect me to call them mom and dad - and my parents don't expect my FI to call them mom and dad.
Neither of my parents call the others "mom" or "dad" and I wouldnt ever consider calling the FMIL or FFIL mom or dad! It wouldnt feel right!
@ kayfi -
one of my biggest nightmares is having my husband and i calling each other 'mom' and 'dad.'
yucker!!
@spraguebride I guess I should have been more clear. Im not really torn and she didnt ask me to call her mom she told me I could call her mom. And I love the fact that I can call her mom! I was actually just talking to my fiance about this topic and he said his mother wouldnt be offended at all if I wanted to call her by her name infront of my mom if I wasnt sure what to do. Thats because his mom is great! And my mom is cool about it too. I just wasnt sure what to call her when my mom was in the same room. But we actually just figured out that when they are both together like at the bridal shower I will call my mom, mom of coarse and his mom, Mom T....their last name! Which I think is a cute and simple idea! Im ok with whatever anyone calls their FMIL or MIL...nice names only!
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I can't imagine calling my FMIL Mom. As much as I love her and as delightful a woman as she is I just can't even wrap my mind around it. Despite the distance between my mother and myself she is my mother - and the only mother I'll ever have. I'm glad to say that my FMIL is a friend - and that's the way I'll continue to look at her!
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I have to say, I'm pretty surprised at the responses to this topic. Not because I have anything against people wanting to call their FMILs by their names instead of "mom", but I am surprised at how many people feel that it would be offensive to their own mothers. I guess I've just never thought of it that way. I remember when my FSIL told my SMIL that she didn't want to call her mom because she "already had a mom, " my FMIL found it very hurtful. I guess that's how a lot of people feel (they already have a mom), I just didn't realize it was so common. Anyone ok with it? Like I said, I'm probably much more OK with it because I call my mother by a different term so I don't have that attachment to the word "mom."
I have been calling my FMIL "Mom" for about a year now & FFIL "Dad". We see them at least once a week so I am very close to them, and when they give me cards or gifts they always sign them "Mom & Dad". I don't feel it's a slight to my parents, they called my grandparents (their IL's) variations of mom & dad when they were still alive. And I have always called my parents Mum & Da so...it's a little bit of a difference to me. :)
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I called my mother in law everything!! I just went with the mood of the day...she was an exceptional woman. Sometimes it was mom, mother, momma, Minnie Mae, hey you...but the very first time I met her I called her "Hello, Mrs. Little" I also kissed her, and when i kissed her goodbye at her funeral, I also told her "Goodbye Mrs. Little, I love you."
And my mom was just fine with all of that, she loved her too.
I'm the weird one in all this.
I used to call my FILs the Mr & Mrs while Fi and I were dating, but after getting engaged they siad it has been long enough and I can call them by their first names. The same goes for FI, my parents gave him first name permission after the engagement.
I have had a really tough time with this transition, I feel uncomfortable using their first names. Maybe it's because we don't see them that often? Once every few months is it. (That will change after the wedding though, then we'll only live an hour away).
I don't plan on calling them mom & dad, it would be weird for me. I have to get comfortable with their first names! MY dad doesn't even call his own mom mom. He calls her by her first name.
i'll never call my inlaws "mom and dad".... after we got engaged FI's mom told me that "Mrs. Z" was too formal and that i should call them by their first names or, if I liked, mom and dad. I told her first names are just fine with me and she agreed!!!
since we don't live close i've only seen them once since the "name discussion" and i have yet to actually call them by their first names...its a hard transition after 10 years of calling them "mrs. and mr."
From my situation, the answer was there in what my FI calls his parents. He calls them by their first names, so I do too.
I might not have a problem calling another person mom, though, when I was in college I called my sorority housemother Mom.
Growing up I always saw my parents, aunts, uncles, etc calling their in-laws "mom" or "dad" or some version. I don't know if this is an Indian thing but I am torn on what to do. I actually feel disrespectful calling my FILs by their first names, but at the same time, no one refers to them as Mrs and Mr XY... so I just don't call them anything!!
Sorry that doesn't answer your main question! I am still not sure what I'm going to do... hopefully I'll have kids quickly and then I can just call them Grandma X and Grandpa Y!
I don't think I could call them 'mom' and 'dad' either. I am prefectly happy using their first names. From another perspective, I think it would weird me out to hear my SIL or BIL (brother's wife, sister's husband) calling my parents mom and dad. I guess I feel like only my brother, sister and myself have that privilege. Anyway, in French I have the added trouble of figuring out whether to call them 'vous' (formal you) or 'tu' (informal you). At this point, and after 6 years, I'm still calling them vous but would really like to eventually make the big switch!
Umm I will not be calling his mom "mom". That's reserved for my own mother and my closest best girlfriends moms. I'm not close enough with his mom to ever feel comfortable calling her that, I live with his dad and just call his dad by his first name, so that's what I plan on doing with his mom as well
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If my future in-laws asked me to call them Mom and Dad, I would -- I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind -- but I don't think that will happen. I've been wondering what to call them and thinking maybe I could get around that by not calling them anything... but then, what if I send them a card or letter that's just from me, not from both of us? I have to call them something! Currently I refer to them as Mr. and Mrs. ____, but then, I've only met them twice (in four years).
I love my FMIL but I don't and will never call her mom. It'd just be weird to me. Nobody else I know does that, I've never seen my mom or any of my aunts call my grandparents mom or dad. I just call my future in laws by their first names, and my FI does to my parents.
I adore my FILs but I won't be calling them mom or dad. It's just different for everyone. I feel like I have one set of parents and that's what I want - I'll call my in laws by their first names like I already do. FI, on the other hand, wanted to call my mom "mom" before we were even engaged and it made my mom uncomfortable - she told him to call her by her first name (I think it mostly just made her feel old).
FI's SIL calls his parents "mom" and "dad" so I suppose I should take a cue from her, but her parents are completely not in the picture so FI's parents have become her surrogate parents in a way. FFIL is already referring to me as his daughter, so I hope it's not going to be a problem to call him by his first name. It's a delicate little mess all around I guess.
For me, I would feel weird, as if by both FH and I calling FMIL "Mom" hearkens back to childhood, like we're siblings or something? I know that probably sounds totally weird, but there you have it. We'll all stick to first names, or "hey you!" 
We will both be calling each other's mothers by their first names.
I call my FI's mom by her first name and will always call her that. I could never call another person Mom if they aren't my Mom. LOL I called her FI's firstname's Mom for awhile but that was weird so FI asked her what I should call her and she said "firstname". Works for me! LOL
When my FSIL's husband was first meeting FI's parents he was trying to get their Mom's attention and looked at me helplessly when he couldn't figure out how to get her attention. LOL I said just call her "firstname" and he let out a big sigh! haha
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I am so glad other ladies are not comfortable calling their in-laws mom and dad. Literally four days after we got engaged, my FFIL teared up and asked me to call him Dad (this same night, he also demanded to know what my colors were, and if the DJ would be playing the Mexican hat dance). Some people would melt at this fatherly gesture, but I was completely horrified, partly because fiancee's dad is kinda crazy. I have a father, and I am extremely close with him. No one else could possibly be "Dad" to me! I told my fiancee how uncomfortable I was, and he hasn't pushed it. We still haven't ironed out what I will call them. They sign cards, Mr. and Mrs. or Mom and Dad _____________. Oh the fun of in-laws...... :-)
I dont think I could ever call my fiances mom, MOM. I am just getting over the hump of being able to call her by her first name!
My best friend is my FI sister, so that is how we ended up meeting, So when I was having sleepovers or hanging out with them she was known as "mrs.FMIL" and thats what she told me to call her. Only till about a couple years ago (after being with the FI for 6 years now...) she told me I could call her by her first name (which is weird because I was so used to calling her "mrs. FMIL")
Mom is what I call my mom, she isnt my mom. I agree with how ejs478
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I don't think I could ever call my in-laws Mom and Dad, it would be way too weird for me. I also know that my parents would be offended by it. We know people who do it and my parents have commented multiple times that they don't like it. My brothers wife knows this and as a joke, called my Dad "Dad" just to see what he would do. My Dad told her he had enough kids and didn't want any more. (This was all done in good fun!) FH and I already call each others parents by their first names, so we'll continue that!
I feel like this gets easier when you have kids b/c then you can easily refer to the inlaws as Grandma/Grandpa or whatever.
Speaking of which, do you plan on calling your husband "Dad" when the kids arrive? I know people who do this and I'm not a huge fan of it.
i dont think i'll ever call my MIL "mom." i LOVE her to peices, but she's not my mom. she and my mom both hold a very special, unique place in my heart so it doesn't make sense to give them the same title to me, you know? but i could see how someone would do that (my parents do) and i think its sweet.
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daisybride: I am also creeped out by people who call their husband/wife Dad & Mom. I'll tell my cats to "Talk to your Dad" but I don't just call him Dad when I ask him to do something or to get his attention. That's weird! Besides I think it's fun when a kid first realizes that their parents name isn't "Mom" it's something totally different. I still remember that light bulb! haha Also, I am grumpybear722 - Mom would just be PART</> of who I am! LOL
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If you're not married yet have you started to call his mom, "Mom" yet? I think it was over Thanksgiving when she told me I could start calling her mom. I called her up to wish her a great holiday because we wouldnt be seeing her until Christmas and I said her name and she told me I could call her mom! I got so excited and loved the thought! Anyone who is married and calls your MIL "mom" or doesnt want to call her "mom"? Or anyone waiting or wanting to call your FMIL "mom"? And what do you call your FMIL or MIL in front of your own mother when you have been calling her "Mom"?